Jokes Quotes - Page 30

• The best timed joke or the best timed phrase comes at spontaneous moments and just relies on me as the host to be very quick, and that's what I do.

  Steve Harvey

  Phrases, Host, Moments

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• If you'd asked me then if I saw how big "The Steve Harvey Morning Show" was going to be, I couldn't tell you. But I knew I could reach people not as a character but as Steve Harvey, because although I tell jokes for a living, I've also lived, and I think I can relate to you more than you know.

  Steve Harvey

  Morning, Character, Thinking

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• There has been nothing more impactful on my life and meaningful to me than the introduction of Christ. That, hands down, blows away every joke I've ever written.

  Steve Harvey

  Meaningful, Blow, Hands

  Interview with Kam Williams, www.eurweb.com. April 16, 2012.

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• Some one is generally sure to be the sufferer by a joke.

  William Hazlitt

  Sufferers

  William Hazlitt (1845). “Lectures on the English Poets”

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• All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Comedy, Has Beens

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• I'm gonna fix that last joke by taking out all the words and adding new ones.

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Humor, Lasts

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• Working with Chaplin was very amusing and strange. His films are so funny, but working with him, I found him to be a very serious man. Whereas the films of Hitchcock are macabre, he could be a very funny man to work with, always telling jokes and holding court. Of course, when I worked with Charlie he was getting older.

  Tippi Hedren

  Funny, Men, Serious Man

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• The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet.

  Oliver Herford

  Funny, Ireland And The Irish, Bagpipes

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• The fact that the Kardashians could be more popular than a show like “Mad Men” is disgusting. It’s a super disgusting part of our culture, but I still find it funny to make a joke about it.

  Jonah Hill

  Men, Mad, Culture

  "Jonah Hill Talks ‘The Sitter,’ Weight Loss And Disgust With Kardashians". Interview with Nicki Gostin, www.huffingtonpost.com. Decemebr 13, 2011.

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• One can always come up with funny lists and jokes. You know what? I take it back. Not everyone can always come up with funny lists and some jokes. I'm very lucky to have a gift where I can do that pretty ably.

  John Hodgman

  Lucky, Lists, Come Up

  "John Hodgman, part two: geeks vs. jocks in all walks of life". Interview with Scott Tobias, www.avclub.com. March 30, 2012.

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• My biggest superhero of writing is Jorge Luis Borges, the Argentine fabulist. He's an amazingly perceptive writer, but also willing to make a joke.

  John Hodgman

  Writing, Superhero, Borges

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• I laugh and joke, but I don't get distracted very easily.

  LeBron James

  Basketball, Laughing, Distracted

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• Back in the day, if someone said that hip hop and rap was a fad, that was a joke to me because they just didn't know what they were talking about. In reality, there were so many people who didn't know what they were talking about it.

  Jam Master Jay

  Rap, Reality, Talking

  "Run-DMC star, 37, was hip-hop pioneer", www.cnn.com. October 31, 2002.

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• I love life in spite of all that mars it. I love friendship, jokes and laughter.

  Tahar Ben Jelloun

  Friendship, Laughter, Love Life

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• A joke is a way to say, 'I'm going to do something funny now. If I don't get a laugh at the end, I'm a failure.'

  Penn Jillette

  Laughing, Way, Ends

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• I've never revved my car at a light for an attractive woman or an auto-rival, not even as a joke.

  Penn Jillette

  Light, Car, Rivals

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• Penn & Teller stopped doing practical jokes, and the reason is we got much too good at it.

  Penn Jillette

  Reason, Practicals, Practical Joke

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• I used to forget that I was an Indian woman. I would even forget that I was a woman. I don't think of myself as bringing to the table a lot of 'women's issues.' I don't feel the need to write about maternity. I grew up thinking that the talented people in comedy were hard-joke writers.

  Mindy Kaling

  Writing, Thinking, Issues

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• The Soviet Union represents a threat in terms of might. It is a joke in terms of its economy and what it has to offer the Third World - a laughingstock to countries that are looking for an economic-development model.

  Jack Kemp

  Country, Development, World

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• That's the great thing about New Year's, you get to be a year older. For me, that wasn't such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time. When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That's what the trees are all about.

  Alan King

  New Year, Father, Kids

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• I got divorced, which was not a good thing for a revivalist minister. It did not go down well. I'd already been banned from a couple churches for my jokes. So one day I woke up and decided it was time to start living for myself.

  Sam Kinison

  Couple, Church, One Day

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• There used to be a cruel joke that said Brazil is the country of the future, and always will be; Obama is the Brazil of today's politicians. He has obviously achieved nothing.

  Charles Krauthammer

  Country, Brazil, Today

  "Obama Is Average". SPIEGEL interview, www.spiegel.de. October 26, 2009.

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• I ain't apologizing for anything, especially if it's a joke.

  Artie Lange

  Apologizing, Ifs

  Interview With Steve Heisler, tv.avclub.com. January 7, 2010.

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• Soon I learned that the worse the puns and jokes, the funnier they could be, if you knew how to deliver them.

  John Lasseter

  Talking, Pun, Ifs

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• You've really got to start hitting the books because it's no joke out here.

  Harper Lee

  Reading, Book, Hitting

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