Jokes Quotes - Page 27

• There's a few tunes of mine that don't have jokes, but most of them have a joke and they have a humorous point of view somewhere.

  Mose Allison

  Humorous, Views, Tunes

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• If I can't face my accusers, that's a joke. We did that in medieval times.

  Lance Armstrong

  Faces, Medieval, I Can

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• As the old joke goes, I have all the sins together. I am a woman, a Socialist, separated and agnostic.

  Michelle Bachelet

  Together, Agnostic, Sin

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• I try to do women's-point-of-view comedy. The joke is, 'This is what I think; there's the truth.' I try to think of stuff that's real broad, but the more personal it is, the more universal it is. All my friends go through the same stuff.

  Roseanne Barr

  Real, Thinking, Views

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• I was raised on government cheese. As an adult, in my first marriage, my husband and I worked real hard just to go bankrupt. I happened to write some jokes about it. I did real well for myself.

  Roseanne Barr

  Husband, Real, Writing

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• Every man who is high up likes to think he has done it all himself; and the wife smiles, and lets it go at that. It's our only joke. Every woman knows that.

  James M. Barrie

  Love, Men, Thinking

  What Every Woman Knows (1918) act 4

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• In life there are always these things happening if you can just get the joke.

  Lynda Barry

  Happenings, Ifs

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• Witticism. A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted and seldom noted; what the Philistine is pleased to call a joke.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Clever, Philistines, Remarks

  Ambrose Bierce (2012). “The Devil's Dictionary”, p.136, Courier Corporation

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• I'm not a great joke writer, which is odd for a comic to say, but I'm not.

  Lewis Black

  Odd, Comic

  Interview with Ben Munson, www.avclub.com. October 3, 2011.

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• I always joke and say I want to invent a comfortable stiletto and then retire.

  Sara Blakely

  Want, Stilettos, Retiring

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• These endless legal challenges that define elections in New York are a joke in this country, and they are the reason why it is so expensive, or one of the reasons, it's so expensive to run here and why so many people decide not to run.

  Michael Bloomberg

  Running, Country, New York

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• I'm pretty equal opportunity when it comes to issues to joke about.

  Elayne Boosler

  Opportunity, Issues, Equal

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• The humanists' replacement for religion: work really hard and somehow you'll either save yourself or you'll be immortal. Of course, that's a total joke, and our progress is nothing. There may be progress in technology but there's no ethical progress whatsoever.

  David Bowie

  Technology, Progress, May

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• So many guys are so conservative with their hair, and I always joke with all my buddies when they mess with me, and I'll say, 'That's right, keep the same haircut for ten years.' How fun is that?

  Tom Brady

  Fun, Hair, Years

  "Tom Brady on Hair: "You Cut It, It Grows Back"". Interview with Matt Sebra, www.gq.com. June 6, 2012.

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• I like the purity of stand-up because it is all about whether people laugh at your jokes. Either they laugh or they don't.

  Jo Brand

  People, Laughing, Purity

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• Regular panelists on shows can be terrifying. They own that space, and many guest comics suspect they are favoured in the edit, while their own hilarious jokes end up being ejected into the ether.

  Jo Brand

  Space, Guests, Ends

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• There have been some very extreme hecklers in audiences whose bile was so hateful and so meant that it would be a bit frightening to think that all I'm doing is jokes and yet someone hates me that much.

  Jo Brand

  Hate, Thinking, Would Be

  "Jo Brand: fat jokes matter". Interview with Emine Saner, www.theguardian.com. September 21, 2011.

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• I don't want to go and start trying to make jokes in places like India, Tanzania or Iraq. Afghanistan is not a funny place.

  Bill Bryson

  Iraq, Trying, India

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• The real problem you get with humour is that you only have so many kinds of jokes within you, and you mine that vein a lot. This isn't just common to me; it's anybody who's funny.

  Bill Bryson

  Real, Veins, Common

  "'You have only so many jokes'". Interview with Simon Hattenstone, www.theguardian.com. November 22, 2002.

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• I'm a bit of a worrier, to an extreme. I'll crack a joke, then worry if I've offended someone - even when they're laughing. I have a guilt complex, always worrying.

  Sophia Bush

  Laughing, Worry, Guilt

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• The joke that I make is that there are instances on the TV series that happen to me, - except on Sex and the City they always make it better or worse than real life and I am actually saying that in a joking way.

  Candace Bushnell

  Sex, Real, Cities

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• When things get so absurd and so stupid and so ridiculous that you just can't bear it, you cannot help but turn everything into a joke.

  David Byrne

  Stupid, Bears, Ridiculous

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• I don't care if my jokes are appropriate for a kid.

  Drew Carey

  Kids, Care, Appropriate

  "Stand-Up Guy". Interview with Nick Gillespie & Steve Kurtz, reason.com. November 1, 1997.

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• I'd buy joke books and try doing them at school; I always had jokes. That would be my go-to thing at parties: I'd be able to get through them if I just told enough jokes. Otherwise, I wouldn't end up talking to anybody.

  Drew Carey

  Party, Book, School

  "Drew Carey remembers when The Tonight Show really meant something". Interview with Will Harris, www.avclub.com. July 17, 2012.

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• I now have two different audiences. There's the one that has been watching my action films for 20 years, and the American family audience. American jokes, less fighting.

  Jackie Chan

  Fighting, Years, Two

  "A fine body of work". Interview with Kathy Sweeney, www.theguardian.com. September 13, 2001.

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