Jokes Quotes - Page 22

• I don't take myself that seriously when it comes down to that stuff. My drummer is my favorite drummer in the world, and he also happens to be the funniest person you'll meet. He's a constant reminder every time stuff gets a little too heavy, maybe I have a bad show or I'll hit a horrible note on some recorded TV thing or something, and he's like, "Man don't take yourself so seriously - this is a joke, we're playing music." And that's a great thing to keep me grounded at all times. We're not saving lives, but the power does help us.

  Aaron Bruno

  Men, World, Helping

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• I made this bad joke on Twitter saying, "I want to put in my first no-bid contract to train the Libyan army and police force." These counter-insurgency guys like to say, "We don't do the big F-16 or big boondoggle projects, we're not pulling this stuff because it's good business." But in fact it turns out there are tons of business opportunities involving counter-insurgency operations - and it's not like we're getting rid of the boondoggle programs either, we're just doing more of everything.

  Michael Hastings

  Army, Opportunity, Guy

  Source: www.guernicamag.com

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• Even my bio on Instagram is like, 'That girl that fell at the Olympics.' Just as a joke. Because that's how people come up to me and that's what they say. That's how they remember me.

  McKayla Maroney

  Girl, People, Remember

  Source: www.seventeen.com

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• I'm a Republican, but if I had my choice of running or having Obama - or somebody, but Obama, even Barack Obama - be a great president, the greatest president ever, I'd be so happy for the country. He doesn't have the capability to be a great president, and the world is laughing. We're like a joke. As a country, we're becoming like a joke. Everybody is ripping us off.

  Donald Trump

  Country, Running, Laughing

  Source: www.rushlimbaugh.com

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• When I would work freelance in production in Chicago, there were a lot of times when I was working for cheap, bad people, and I was working for slave wages anyway, so there were some times when I might have filled out a couple of blank taxi receipts and kept some petty cash. But like I say, I was very selective. It was only people that I thought were assholes. The people that I liked I went far and above saving them money, much less taking it. But that's it. I'm pretty moral. I don't even like stealing jokes.

  Andy Richter

  Couple, People, Moral

  Source: www.avclub.com

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• When a drawing doesn't come out right it's because I haven't figured out where the joke is. Not that every drawing has a joke, but every drawing has a point. At least it should have. And you figure out where the point is.

  Edward Sorel

  Source: classic.esquire.com

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• You are doing something over here and over there someone is telling you a joke, or giving you an important piece of information about sanitation, and no matter how weird the other subject is, there is a connection, or you can make a connection. I’ve always loved history and history is collage, it is a juxtaposition of the good and the bad and the strange, and how you place those sentences together changes the whole mood of a history.

  Michael Ondaatje

  Giving, Important, Together

  Source: www.guernicamag.com

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• I recently realized that I'm gender-fluid - I didn't even know that was a term until recently - but I have a strong effeminate side and identify with women in that way. Because women would make jokes and they were all really funny, but the straight male comics always said "faggot," or they had some really awful gay joke. And so it's like, I'm just going to watch the ladies because they don't - I'm sure there are, but I couldn't even tell you one woman comic that I've ever heard say the word "faggot."

  Pandora Boxx

  Strong, Gay, Comic

  Source: www.avclub.com

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• One of the things that got me thinking during therapy is that they say that fear is only thoughts, and nothing will happen because thoughts will never be real. And my thesis, or joke, in film Antichrist, is that they really do become real.

  Lars von Trier

  Real, Thinking, Film

  Source: www.electricsheepmagazine.co.uk

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• I one hundred percent recognize that comedy is a more narcissistic profession and that I cannot directly improve people's lives the way I could if I had stayed in the policy world. But the trade-off is that I'm happier doing jokes.

  Negin Farsad

  Narcissistic, World, Comedy

  Source: www.guernicamag.com

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• In general, I think there are some things that require time before you can talk about them. Some stuff that happened over the summer, for instance - the Philando Castile shooting, Alton Sterling, the police officers in Dallas - there was no room for jokes. But there are, of course, the policies that have given us those events. Now, there's a lot of room for jokes there. When you're looking at something difficult to talk about, there's always a sideways way in that feels a little less personal to people. That's where the joke lives.

  Negin Farsad

  Summer, Thinking, People

  Source: www.guernicamag.com

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• I'm not making fun of it because I want to make fun of it. I'm making fun of it so I feel better. I don't want people to think any time there's a tragedy that I'm going to make a joke about it. It's only funny to me because it's personal to me. And that was always the goal. It wasn't to be this insult person.

  Pete Davidson

  Fun, Feel Better, Thinking

  Source: www.avclub.com

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• I'm not a big note-taker, so I think that the way I decide is that whatever I remember I always consider something that's important. If I remember a joke then I know it's a good joke, if I remember a story then I know it's a good story, and so that's how I curate what stories I'm going to write for the book. And I go over them again, make sure there's a theme and all that stuff, but mostly, it is intuition.

  Kelly Oxford

  Book, Writing, Thinking

  Source: www.macleans.ca

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• Canadians always make jokes about the arrogant American, but the longer I'm here, the more I realize, "Oh, it isn't that they're arrogant, it's just the way that their country is set up you really have to protect yourself and you really have to look after yourself, and with that comes the mentality of 'I'm doing my thing here, if you don't like it, get over it.'"

  Kelly Oxford

  Country, Arrogant, Realizing

  Source: www.macleans.ca

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• The best jokes on The Leftovers are the ones that make you feel a little sick to your stomach.

  Damon Lindelof

  Sick

  Source: collider.com

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• I do suppose what any political satire, what any political joke can count as a gaffe or a possible career-ending move. It changes what counts. I don’t know, I do feel like day to day even though Trump is so terrible and ridiculous, day to day we still laugh at Jason Chaffetz and we still laugh at Ted Cruz and we still laugh at those guys, at just how bad they are at their jobs.

  Timothy Simons

  Moving, Laughing, Political

  Source: www.avclub.com

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• Prince Harry is a great guy, very competitive; he's been playing polo all his life. Riding is in his blood. His grandmother loves horses, his grandfather played polo, his father played polo, his brother plays polo, so it's in his blood. He likes to play hard, we joke about it and it's great.

  Nacho Figueras

  Brother, Horse, Father

  Source: www.harpersbazaar.com

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• Hillary Clinton wouldn't have make a joke about wiping the server clean with a towel or now we find out about bashing old Blackberries to get rid of them or the fact that she had 13 Blackberries.

  Eric Bolling

  Clinton, Server

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• I'd like to think I'm a little more memorable or specific now. People laugh at me in a way they wouldn't laugh at another comedian, rather than being like, "Okay, who's the next joke-slinger? Give me some jokes so I may laugh and go about my day!"

  Christian Finnegan

  Memorable, Thinking, People

  Source: www.avclub.com

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• I was interested in all kinds of things, whether it be Avatar, Mad Men, Troy, 300, Battlestar Gallactica, or the poems of Horace and Sappho. I always joke about this to my students, who can't quite wrap their mind around the fact that you can have a Ph.D in classics, but not do that full time. I never wanted to write anything with footnotes for the rest of my life. I always think of what I do as the kind of conversation you'd have with somebody, like a good friend, when you've gone and seen a movie together, and you come home and you start talking about it.

  Daniel Mendelsohn

  Home, Writing, Good Friend

  Source: www.interviewmagazine.com

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• I really like intimate venues because it feels like everyone in the audience is in on all our inside jokes. We could say things and people will catch them. That couldn't happen at a festival because nobody would catch it. I also like that in a smaller space people can be talking to each other and listening to the music; they don't have to be watching you the whole time.

  BØRNS

  People, Listening, Intimate

  Source: www.glamour.com

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• The talented actor needs craft. When you do a stage play, you do it once each night in chronological order. In a film you're going to wind up doing a scene 15-20 times, just by the nature of the process. If I tell you a joke once, it's funny. The more times I tell, the less funny it is. How do you get to the point where you can laugh again? You also may have to cry again and again.

  Martin Landau

  Night, Laughing, Cry

  Source: www.hollywoodchicago.com

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• People are in denial all the time, hiding things. If I tell you a racist or dirty joke and you laugh, you're telling me something about yourself, which you don't want to reveal. Accessing that hidden side is what good acting is all about. And there are only a handful of people in the entire United States who interest me as actors, who surprise me. Even people who write about it, don't know anything about good performance. At least when you work at General Motors, you know something about cars.

  Martin Landau

  Dirty, Writing, People

  Source: www.hollywoodchicago.com

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• I love bad comedy more than I love good comedy, so I love open mics. Or I used to. But the thing that delights me more than anything else in an open-mic performer is when the comic has one joke that requires some kind of prop. But only one. The prop is always produced very awkwardly, and it never, ever pays off. The resulting embarrassment is savory and delicious.

  Paul F. Tompkins

  Comedy, Kind, Comic

  Source: www.avclub.com

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• I kind of joke with myself that you shouldn't be able to be a creative producer if you weren't a first AD. Because it is such fantastic training for really understanding what everyone does, and how the movie actually gets made. You have to know if you're the first you're kind of the set general, you're at the director's right hand, you know everything about how a director puts a movie together, you know everything about how a movie gets made.

  Bruce Cohen

  Creative, Understanding, Training

  Source: collider.com

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