Jokes Quotes - Page 35

• I like George Carlin's jokes. I like his humor. He's one of my heroes, and I like what he did with talking about everyday things.

  Steven Wright

  Hero, Everyday Things, Talking

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• I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That's still what I am doing. The end.

  Steven Wright

  Television, Film, Ends

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• Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can't predict what people will laugh at.

  Steven Wright

  People, Laughing, Four

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• It's very interesting, the joke comes first and then the wording comes within five seconds, maybe ten seconds. My thing is to get the joke across in as few words as possible. However, sometimes a word that's not really needed does help the rhythm of it. It's a gut feeling.

  Steven Wright

  Interesting, Feelings, Doe

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• I'm standing behind a wall of jokes. You don't know about my personal life, my girlfriends, or what I do when I'm not on the road. There's this guy, this comedian, and this is how he thinks, but people really don't know anything about me.

  Steven Wright

  Girlfriend, Wall, Thinking

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• I've always had to conquer fear when I'm on stage. Basically, I was and still am a very shy person. It's absolutely in conflict with what I do. But once I deliver the first joke I'm okay. It's like I'm out there all by myself just delivering my lines to nobody in particular without ever trying to notice the audience in front of me.

  Steven Wright

  Trying, Shy, Lines

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• I don't go off and sit down and try to write material, because then it's contrived and forced. I just live my life, and I see things in a word or a situation or a concept, and it will create a joke for me.

  Steven Wright

  Writing, Trying, Down And

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• People may think I'm trying something new by telling stories, but they're just jokes connected to give the illusion of stories. But really, I just continue using my imagination and creating. That's what I do.

  Steven Wright

  Thinking, Trying Something New, Creating

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• I remember when I was in college, I used to watch Julia Child's cooking show during dinner and joke with my roommates about becoming a TV chef.

  Martin Yan

  Children, College, Cooking

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• Everyone for the most part is really nice. There have always been jokes, but that's part of being in the spotlight. You can't make everyone completely happy.

  Tina Yothers

  Being Happy, Nice, Spotlight

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• You might like it as a joke or because you liked it then, but there isn't a whole new generation discovering Wham!.

  Rob Zombie

  Glowing, Zombie, Generations

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• My friends are people who like building cool stuff. We always have this joke about people who want to just start companies without making something valuable. There's a lot of that in Silicon Valley.

  Mark Zuckerberg

  People, Want, Stuff

  "Startup School". Interview with Jason Kincaid, www.washingtonpost.com. October 24, 2009.

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• Chennai is one of the scariest crowds to face. Everyone looks so conservative, but once you crack the first joke, they are so appreciatively loud that they will hit you with a laugh that will scare you stiff and yet give you energy. Chennaiites give me the loudest laughs; it's the coolest crowd to perform for.

  Vir Das

  Giving, Laughing, Scare

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• I am edgy, raw, offensive, vulgar, untruthful, but intelligent. My jokes are always realistic. I do not make fun of children or people who cannot fight back. That is my limitation.

  Vir Das

  Children, Fun, Fighting

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• With stand-up, there's a little bit of an exaggerated reality because things have to be manipulated to create comedy, to create jokes.

  Chris Hardwick

  Reality, Littles, Comedy

  Interview with Marah Eakin, www.avclub.com. April 12, 2012.

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• I realize how desperate it sounds for me, as a comedian, to ask you to laugh at my jokes.

  John Oliver

  Laughing, Comedian, Sound

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• In improv, the whole thing is that it is a relationship between the two people, as a back and forth. In standup, you don't really want to be listening to what somebody is saying; you want to project your jokes into their face.

  John Oliver

  Two, People, Listening

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• If the clockwork universe equated the human body with the mechanics of the clock, the digital universe now equates human consciousness with the processing of the computer. We joke that things don't compute, that we need a reboot, or that our memory has been wiped.

  Douglas Rushkoff

  Memories, Philosophy, Medicine

  Douglas Rushkoff (2013). “Present Shock: When Everything Happens Now”, p.55, Penguin

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• White men have screwed this country up! I would like a black, female…. everything all rolled into one.I want something different. I want a real change. People, I want a president who speaks well, who has a sense of humor. This guy is such a moron! It's beyond the point where it's a joke. He's an idiot.

  Denis Leary

  Country, Real, Men

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• All of Creation’s a farce. Man was born as a joke. In his head his reason is buffeted Like wind-blown smoke. Life is a game. Everyone ridicules everyone else. But he who has the last laugh Laughs longest.

  William Shakespeare

  Men, Wind, Games

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• Oh Christ, the exhaustion of not knowing anything. It's so tiring and hard on the nerves. It really takes it out of you, not knowing anything. You're given comedy and miss all the jokes. Every hour you get weaker. Sometimes, as I sit alone in my flat in London and stare at the window, I think how dismal it is, how heavy, to watch the rain and not know why it falls.

  Martin Amis

  Rain, Fall, Thinking

  FaceBook post by Martin Amis from Nov 26, 2011

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• In 1945, peace broke out. It was the end of the Joke. Joke warfare was banned at a special session of the Geneva Convention, and in 1950 the last remaining copy of the joke was laid to rest here in the Berkshire countryside, never to be told again.

  Graham Chapman

  Special, Warfare, Lasts

  "Monty Python's Flying Circus". TV Series, 1969 - 1974.

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• Her joke of a name aside, her general unprettiness aside, she was, in terms of permanently memorable, immoderately perceptive, small-area faces, a stunning and final girl.

  J. D. Salinger

  Girl, Memorable, Names

  J. D. SALINGER (1968). “FOR ESME- WITH LOVE AND SQUALOR”

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• The inside jokes weren't jokes anymore. They had become stories. Nobody brought up the bad names or the bad times. And nobody felt sad as long as we could postpone tomorrow with more nostalgia.

  Stephen Chbosky

  Names, Long, Stories

  Stephen Chbosky (2013). “The Perks of Being a Wallflower YA edition”, p.187, Simon and Schuster

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• Make a list of all the lovers you've ever had. Warren Lasher Ed "Rubberhead" Catapano Charles Deats or Keats Alfonse Tuck it in your pocket. Leave it lying around, conspicuously. Somehow you lose it. Make "mislaid" jokes to yourself. Make another list.

  Lorrie Moore

  Lying, Pockets, Lists

  Lorrie Moore (2010). “The Collected Stories of Lorrie Moore”, p.539, Faber & Faber

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