Jokes Quotes - Page 39

• Just how many sisters do you have? (Valerius) Eight. (Tabitha) Eight? (Valerius) What? (Tabitha) I'm just pitying whatever poor males lived in that house with all of you. It must have been truly frightening at least one week out of every month. (Valerius) Was that a joke? (Tabitha) Merely a frightening statement of fact. (Valerius)

  Sherrilyn Kenyon

  Eight, House, Males

  4 Copy quote

• [Bobby Tom] finally understood Gracie's function in his life. She was God's joke on him.

  Susan Elizabeth Phillips

  Function, Understood, Toms

  4 Copy quote

• What's so funny?" Bella mumbled. "I got food in her hair," I told her, chortling again. "I'm not going to forget this, dog," Rosalie hissed. "S'not so hard to erase a blond's memory," I countered. "Just blow in her ear." Get some new jokes, "Rosalie snapped.

  Stephenie Meyer

  Dog, Memories, Blow

  4 Copy quote

• More than his exterior hit me. I felt warm and safe just being with him. He brought comfort after my terrible day. So often with other people I felt a need to be center of attention, to be funny and always have something clever to say. It was a habit I needed to shake. But with him I never felt like I had to be anything more than what I already was. I didn’t have to entertain him or think up jokes or even flirt. It was enough to just be together, to be so completely comfortable in each other’s presence—we lost all sense of self-consciousness.

  Richelle Mead

  Clever, Thinking, Flirting

  4 Copy quote

• Whereupon a strange euphoria came over me. Not only was I exiled, paralyzed, mute, half deaf, deprived of all pleasures, and reduced to the existence of a jellyfish, but I was also horrible to behold. There comes a time when the heaping up of calamities brings on uncontrollable nervous laughter - when, after a final blow from fate, we decide to treat it all as a joke.

  Jean-Dominique Bauby

  Laughter, Fate, Blow

  Jean-Dominique Bauby (2008). “The Diving Bell and the Butterfly”, p.25, Knopf Group E-Books

  13 Copy quote

  Show source

• The future of this nation, with the present generation, You must admit is nothing but a joke

  Ira Gershwin

  Generations, Nations

  8 Copy quote

• An old joke has an Oxford professor meeting an American former graduate student and asking him what he's working on these days. 'My thesis is on the survival of the class system in the United States.' 'Oh really, that's interesting: one didn't think there was a class system in the United States.' 'Nobody does. That's how it survives.

  Christopher Hitchens

  Thinking, Class, Oxford

  Christopher Hitchens (2010). “Hitch 22: A Memoir”, p.216, Atlantic Books Ltd

  13 Copy quote

  Show source

• Yes, yes, I know all the jokes. What else could I have expected at Highbury? But I went to Chelsea and to Tottenham and to Rangers, and saw the same thing: that the natural state of a football fan is bitter disappointment, no matter what the score.

  Nick Hornby

  Football, Disappointment, Fans

  Nick Hornby (2005). “Fever Pitch”, p.14, Penguin UK

  7 Copy quote

  Show source

• Which weakness shall I tell her? “I walk funny,” I say, and she’s satisfied with that. (inside joke)

  Mary E. Pearson

  Weakness, Walks, Satisfied

  4 Copy quote

• Would like to join me? (Astrid) I think I’d look strange in a bikini. (Zarek) Was that a joke? Can it be you made a real joke? (Astrid) Yeah, I must be possessed or something. (Zarek)

  Sherrilyn Kenyon

  Real, Thinking, Looks

  4 Copy quote

• My friends joke that I’m dead until I get onstage. I’m dead right now as you’re speaking to me.

  Lady Gaga

  Music, Right Now, My Friends

  "Lady Gaga Wants You" By Christine Spines, www.cosmopolitan.com. February 27, 2010.

  4 Copy quote

  Show source

• I have never been able to understand the complaint that a story is "depressing" because of its subject matter. What depresses me are stories that don't seem to know these things go on, or hide them in resolute chipperness; "witty stories," in which every problem is the occasion for a joke; "upbeat" stories that flog you with transcendence. Please. We're grown ups now.

  Tobias Wolff

  Witty, Depressing, Stories

  4 Copy quote

• What’ cha doing out here all alone? Did you forget how to find Sanctuary? (Simi) No. I want to be alone for a bit. (Gallagher) Why? Were the bears mean to you? Mama can get a bit cranky whenever I play with the cubs. She thinks I’m going to eat one, but bleh! They’re way too hairy. Now if she’d let me skin one, I might be interested. (Simi) Are you joking? (Gallagher) Oh no. I never joke about hairy food. (Simi)

  Sherrilyn Kenyon

  Mean, Thinking, Play

  4 Copy quote

• Take care, Jeffy. I’ll see you soon, right? Just remember not to throw food at the nurses. I don’t want to get any complaint calls, OK? Steven, I don’t throw food at…oh, that was a joke, right? Yup, buddy boy. It was a joke. But seriously, no kissing the nurses on the lips, either. It messes up their makeup. Eeeeeeewwwww!

  Jordan Sonnenblick

  Kissing, Boys, Makeup

  Jordan Sonnenblick (2010). “Drums, Girls, and Dangerous Pie”, p.64, Scholastic Inc.

  4 Copy quote

  Show source

• But while I'd be their daughter, while I'd eat the roast and come home from dates and wash the dishes, I would also be myself. I would love my mother, but I'd never want to be her again. I would never be what someone else wanted me to be. I would never laugh at a joke I didn't think was funny. I would never tell another lie. I would be the truth-teller, starting today. That would be tough. But I was tougher.

  Judy Blundell

  Daughter, Mother, Lying

  Judy Blundell (2011). “What I Saw and How I Lied”, p.250, Scholastic UK

  4 Copy quote

  Show source

• Can anything be more disgusting than to hear people called 'educated' making small jokes about eating ham, and showing themselves empty of any real knowledge as to the relation of their own social and religious life to the history of the people they think themselves witty in insulting? [...] The best thing that can be said of it is, that it is a sign of the intellectual narrowness—in plain English, the stupidity which is still the average mark of our culture.

  George Eliot

  Witty, Religious, Real

  George Eliot (2013). “Delphi Complete Works of George Eliot (Illustrated)”, p.6957, Delphi Classics

  4 Copy quote

  Show source

• I heard some interesting things about your performance up here." "I hear interesting things about your 'performance' all the time Doug, but you don't hear me making jokes about it.

  Richelle Mead

  Interesting, Heard, Performances

  Richelle Mead (2016). “City of Demons”, p.119, Zebra

  4 Copy quote

  Show source

• My kind [vampires] does not surprise easily," he said. "You surprised me, this morning. I have thus used up my full quota of shock and consternation for some interval." I stared at him. "You made a *joke*." "I have heard this kind of thing may happen.

  Robin McKinley

  Morning, Vampire, Doe

  4 Copy quote

• I can’t be sure, of course, but I’d compare it to living on tofu and soy milk; we call ourselves vegetarians, our little inside joke. - Edward Cullen

  Stephenie Meyer

  Soy Milk, Tofu, Littles

  4 Copy quote

• Words. I'm surrounding by thousands of words. Maybe millions...Deep within me, words pile up in huge drifts. Mountains of phrases and sentences and connected ideas. Clever expressions. Jokes. Love songs...I have never spoken one single word. I am almost eleven years old.

  Sharon M. Draper

  Song, Clever, Expression

  10 Copy quote

• Of course my jokes are in poor taste, inappropriate, and confused; they reveal my lack of security. But that is because I have no respect for myself.

  Fyodor Dostoevsky

  Confused, Taste, Inappropriate

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

  12 Copy quote

  Show source

• Artemis: I am not buoyed by that. Foaly: You are not supposed to be buoyed by that. You are supposed to be equalized. Mulch: I'm pretty sure that both of you just made really horrible jokes. But I'm not sure because I think you broke my funny bone.

  Eoin Colfer

  Thinking, Bones, Broke

  5 Copy quote

• A true Englishman doesn't joke when he is talking about so serious a thing as a wager.

  Jules Verne

  Talking, Wagers, Serious

  Jules Verne, Jules VERNE (2016). “Around the World in Eighty Days”, p.16, Jules Verne

  4 Copy quote

  Show source

• As the joke goes, you don’t have to be faster than the wolf chasing you, just faster than everyone else running away.

  Kim Harrison

  Running, Chasing, Faster

  4 Copy quote

• I don't really like jokes in a way. I mean gags are fine but I like weird moments where what you have isn't really a joke, just tiny moments.

  Noel Fielding

  Mean, Way, Tiny

  20 Copy quote