Jokes Quotes - Page 40

• Leo: "So...giants who can throw mountains. Friendly wolves that will eat us if we show weakness. Evil espresso drinks. Gotcha. Maybe this isn't the best time to bring up my psycho babysitter." Piper: "Is that another joke?

  Rick Riordan

  Espresso, Evil, Friendly

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• Plus, I was about to spend six weeks with Christian Ozera. He was sarcastic, difficult, and made jokes about everything. Actually, he was a lot like me. It was going to be a long six weeks.

  Richelle Mead

  Christian, Sarcastic, Long

  Richelle Mead (2013). “Vampire Academy: The Complete Collection”, p.374, Penguin

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• when he smiles it's as if you'd just told him the first joke on earth.

  Mitch Albom

  Earth, Firsts, Ifs

  Mitch Albom (2007). “Tuesdays with Morrie: An Old Man, a Young Man, and Life's Greatest Lesson”, p.4, Broadway Books

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• The power of women! I've never felt so full of mysterious power. Men are a joke. We're so weak physically, so helpless with things. Still, even today. But we're stronger than they are. We can stand their cruelty. They can't stand ours.

  John Fowles

  Men, Stronger, Today

  John Fowles (1980). “The collector”, Dell Pub Co

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• Fine - I said huffily. - But I hope I'm at least allowed to fly around the corridors during lunch hour. Gabriel threw me a disapproving look. I waited for him to get my joke, but his eyes remained serious. I sighed. Much as I loved him, Gabriel could be totally lacking in any sense of humor.

  Alexandra Adornetto

  Eye, Lunch, Serious

  Alexandra Adornetto (2011). “Halo: Number 1 in series”, p.16, Hachette UK

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• Trust Emmett to find the joke in the destruction of my life.

  Stephenie Meyer

  Destruction

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• Oh, and Cammie," At the sounds of his voice, I spun around, expecting to hear him crack a joke or call me Gallagher Girl. The last thing I expected was to feel his arms sliding arounds me, to sense the whole world turning upside down as Zach dipped me in the middle of the foyer and pressed his lips to mine. Then he smiled that smile I'd come to know. "I always finish what I start.

  Ally Carter

  Girl, Voice, Cracks

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• It is almost a joke, but a joke that nobody tells.

  Hilary Mantel

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• Oh, man," Xavier groaned. "See what you've done--now I'm stressing." "You can't! You're the stable one!" Xavier laughed and I realized his distress had been feigned to illustrate a point. He wasn't worried in the slightest. "Just relax. Go and run a bath or have a shot of brandy." "Okay." "That second bit was a joke. We both know you can't hold your liquor.

  Alexandra Adornetto

  Running, Stress, Men

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• Sarah Palin uses me as a laugh line in her stump speeches. If you're willing to turn me into a joke, you should also be willing to talk to me.

  Rachel Maddow

  Laughing, Use, Lines

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• You know, Aunt Tasha makes jokes about how youʹd actually be a better queen than the others, except sometimes . . . I donʹt think sheʹs joking.

  Richelle Mead

  Queens, Aunt, Thinking

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• No wonder we cannot appreciate the really central Kafka joke: that the horrific struggle to establish a human self results in a self whose humanity is inseparable from the horrific struggle. That our endless and impossible journey toward home is in fact our home.

  David Foster Wallace

  Struggle, Home, Journey

  David Foster Wallace (2005). “Consider the Lobster: And Other Essays”, p.38, Hachette UK

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• Keep your shirt on," she said with a laugh at her bad joke. "Your clothes are at the laundry. They'll deliver them as soon as they're ready." "And in the meantime?" "Looks like you're naked." His jaw worked as if he couldn't believe what he was hearing. "I beg your pardon?" "Beg all you want, you're still going to be naked." Tabitha paused at the wicked image in her mind. "Come to think of it, a gorgeous, begging, naked man… that's the stuff of fantasies. Begging won't get you your clothes, but it could get you something else." She wiggled her eyebrows at him.

  Sherrilyn Kenyon

  Believe, Thinking, Men

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• Small Man can be a very funny or a very tiresome Tour Companion, depending on how this kind of thing grabs you. He gambles, he drinks too much and he always runs away. Since the Rules allow him to make Jokes, he will excuse his behaviour in a variety of comical ways. Physically he is stunted and not at all handsome, although he usually dresses flamboyantly. He tends to wear hats with feathers in. You will discover he is very vain. But, if you can avoid smacking him, you will come to tolerate if not love him. He will contrive, in some cowardly way, to play a major part in saving the world.

  Diana Wynne Jones

  Running, Men, Play

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• Hey, that's life, flick it off if you can't take a joke.

  Neil Gaiman

  Hey, Ifs

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• I thought it would be such a sick joke to have to remain to be alive for decades and not believe in or feel anything.

  Douglas Coupland

  Believe, Sick, Would Be

  Douglas Coupland (2010). “LIFE AFTER GOD”, p.178, Simon and Schuster

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• Everybody is waiting for the end to come, but what if it already passed us by? What if the final joke of Judgment Day was that it had already come and gone and we were none the wiser? Apocalypse arrives quietly; the chosen are herded off to heaven, and the rest of us, the ones who failed the test, just keep on going, oblivious. Dead already, wandering around long after the gods have stopped keeping score, still optimistic about the future.

  Jonathan Nolan

  Optimistic, Long, Waiting

  "Memento Mori". Short story by Jonathan Nolan, www.esquire.com. January 29, 2007.

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• What are you reading?" Owen asks. "Charlotte's Web," Liz says. "It's really sad. One of the main characters just died." "You ought to read the book from end to beginning," Owen jokes. "That way, no one dies, and it's always a happy ending.

  Gabrielle Zevin

  Reading, Book, Character

  Gabrielle Zevin (2016). “Elsewhere”, p.149, Bloomsbury Publishing

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• You like the girl," Alasdair offered. Nassar leveled a heavy gaze at him. "Lillian said you tried to be funny in the car. I told her it couldn't possibly be true. The moment you try to make a joke, the sky shall split and the Four Horsemen will ride out, heralding Apocalypse.

  Ilona Andrews

  Girl, Four Horsemen Of The Apocalypse, Sky

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• Writing a book has about it some of the anxiety of telling a joke and having to wait several years to know whether or not it was funny.

  Alain de Botton

  Book, Writing, Years

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• Yeah, a lot more than he likes you," said Oh. It didn't look like Milo appreciated the joke very much. "That's debatable," said Milo. "Is not," said Oh. She leaned in and put her pink cast against my cheek, kissing me quickly on the lips. "That's incredibly unfair. If we were gay you'd be up a creek without a paddle. You wouldn't even be in the game." "He's right, you know," I said. "Aw. You guys are having a bromance. That's really cute.

  Patrick Carman

  Cute, Gay, Kissing

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• Did I have a heart to be contented? Well, no, not particularly. I had a tendency to be discontented: ambitious, dissatisfied, fretful, and tough to please...It's easier to complain than to laugh, easier to yell than to joke around, easier to be demanding than to be satisfied.

  Gretchen Rubin

  Heart, Laughing, Ambitious

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• Thank you,” Simon said. “It’s a joke, Isabelle. He’s the Count. He likes counting. You know. ‘What did the Count eat today, children? One chocolate chip cookie, two chocolate chip cookies, three chocolate chip cookies . . .’” There was a rush of cold air as the door of the restaurant opened, letting in another customer. Isabelle shivered and reached for her black silk scarf. “It’s not realistic.” “What would you prefer? ‘What did the Count eat today, children? One helpless villager, two helpless villagers, three helpless villagers . . .

  Cassandra Clare

  Children, Air, Doors

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• I was taken to an examining room where a big butch nurse practitioner came in and asked me if I was pregnant. “No way!” Was I sexually active? “Nope!” Had I ever been molested? “Well,” I said, trying to make a joke, “Oprah says the only answers to that question are ‘Yes’ and ‘I don’t remember.’ ” I laughed. We were having fun. The nurse looked at me, concerned/annoyed.

  Tina Fey

  Fun, Taken, Nurse

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• We each get fifteen minutes before the Gamemakers to amaze them with our skills, but I don't know what any of us might have to show them. There's a lot of kidding about it at lunch. What we might do. Sing, dance, strip, tell jokes. Mags, who i can understand a little better now, decides she's just going to take a nap.

  Suzanne Collins

  Skills, Lunch, Naps

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