Jokes Quotes - Page 36

• Percy wouldn't notice a joke if it danced naked in front of him wearing one of Dobby's hats.

  J. K. Rowling

  Humor, Dobby, Naked

  "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire". Book by J. K. Rowling, July 8, 2000.

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• In the end, perhaps we should simply imagine a joke; a long joke that's continually retold in an accent too thick and strange to ever be completely understood. Life is that joke my friends. The soul is the punch line.

  Tom Robbins

  Long, Soul, Lines

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• My Lord told me a joke. And seeing Him laugh has done more for me than any scripture I will ever read.

  Meister Eckhart

  Laughing, Done, Scripture

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• There are many here among us who feel that life is but a joke. But you and I, we've been through that, and this is not our fate, so let us not talk falsely now, the hour is getting late.

  Bob Dylan

  Fate, Life Is, Hours

  'All Along the Watchtower' (1968 song)

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• But the grind has begun. The windows don’t open, and even the availability of near-constant jokes about Jews and Mormons fails to stem the tide of frustration, decay. We’ve reached the end of pure inspiration, and are now somewhere else, something implying routine, or doing something because people expect us to do it, going somewhere each day because we went there the day before, saying things because we have said them before, and this seems like the work of a different sort of animal, contrary to our plan, and this is very very bad.

  Dave Eggers

  Inspiration, Animal, Frustration

  Dave Eggers (2014). “A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius: Picador Classic”, p.287, Pan Macmillan

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• Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator.

  Daniel Handler

  Hilarious, Two, Three

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• Television is the Antichrist, and I can assure you after only three or four generations, people will no longer even know how to fart on their own and humans will return to medieval savagery and to the general state of imbecility that slugs overcame back in the Pleistocene era. Our world will not die as a result of the bomb...it will die of laughter, of banality, of making a joke of everything and a lousy joke at that.

  Carlos Ruiz Zafon

  Laughter, Our World, People

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• I have never fit into this town, this marriage, this skin. I am the child who was picked last to play tag; I am the girl who laughed although she did not get the joke; I am the piecemeal part of you that you pretend doesn't exist, except it is all I am, all the time.

  Jodi Picoult

  Girl, Children, Play

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• A good laugh is a mighty good thing, and rather too scarce a good thing; the more's the pity. So, if any one man, in his own proper person, afford stuff for a good joke to anybody, let him not be backward, but let him cheerfully allow himself to spend and be spent in that way. And the man that has anything bountifully laughable about him, be sure there is more in that man than you perhaps think for.

  Herman Melville

  Men, Thinking, Laughing

  Herman Melville (2015). “Annotated Moby Dick or, the Whale with English Grammar Exercises: by Herman Melville (Author), Robert Powell (Editor)”, p.40, Powell Publications, LLC

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• Start dating someone who is funny, someone who has what in high school you called a "really great sense of humor" and what now your creative writing class calls "self-contempt giving rise to comic form." Write down all of his jokes, but don't tell him you are doing this. Make up anagrams of his old girlfriend's name and name all of your socially handicapped characters with them. Tell him his old girlfriend is in all of your stories and then watch how funny he can be, see what a really great sense of humor he can have.

  Lorrie Moore

  Girlfriend, Writing, School

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• I am the illegal alien of commentary. I will do the jokes that no one else will do.

  Ann Coulter

  Aliens, Illegal, Commentary

  Ann Coulter (2007). “If Democrats Had Any Brains, They'd Be Republicans”, p.76, Crown Forum

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• A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.

  Friedrich Nietzsche

  Funny Life, Feelings, Epigrams

  Human, All Too Human vol. 2, pt. 1, sec. 202 (1878) (translation by R. J. Hollingdale)

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• He who jokes in the executioners face can be destroyed, but never defeated.

  Tom Robbins

  Faces, Defeated, Executioners

  Tom Robbins (2006). “Wild Ducks Flying Backward”, p.153, Bantam

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• Nothing's a joke with me. It just all comes out like one.

  Lorrie Moore

  Lorrie Moore (2010). “The Collected Stories of Lorrie Moore”, p.443, Faber & Faber

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• The joke is, we all have the same punchline.

  Chuck Palahniuk

  Punchlines

  Chuck Palahniuk (2011). “Survivor: A Novel”, p.138, W. W. Norton & Company

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• These jokes the world plays, they're not funny at all.

  David Mitchell

  Play, World

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• When you asked me how I was doing, was that some kind of joke

  Bob Dylan

  Kind

  Song: Desolation Row, Album: Highway 61 Revisited, 1965

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• Everything about life is a joke. Don't you know that?

  Kurt Vonnegut

  Life Is, Knows

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• To me, nudity is a joke. I don't think nude people are very attractive at all. I like my women fully clothed. I like to imagine what might be under there. It might not be the standard thing. Imagine, stripping a woman down, and she has a body like a little submarine. With periscope, propellers, torpedoes. That would be the one for me. I'd marry her right off and be faithful to the end.

  Charles Bukowski

  Thinking, People, Faithful

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• Life seemed to be an educator's practical joke in which you spent the first half learning and the second half learning that everything you learned in the first half was wrong.

  Russell Baker

  Half, Firsts, Educator

  Russell Baker (1991). “There's a Country in My Cellar”, Avon Books

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• Perhaps there can be too much making of cups of tea, I thought, as I watched Miss Statham filling the heavy teapot. Did we really need a cup of tea? I even said as much to Miss Statham and she looked at me with a hurt, almost angry look, 'Do we need tea? she echoed. 'But Miss Lathbury...' She sounded puzzled and distressed and I began to realise that my question had struck at something deep and fundamental. It was the kind of question that starts a landslide in the mind. I mumbled something about making a joke and that of course one needed tea always, at every hour of the day or night.

  Barbara Pym

  Hurt, Night, Missing

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• I'd heard of Evergreen Care Center before. Cass and I had always made fun of the stupid ads they ran on TV, featuring some dragged-out woman with a limp perm and big, painted-on circles under her eyes, downing vodka and sobbing uncontrollably. "We can't heal you at Evergreen", the very somber voiceover said. "But we can help you to heal yourself." It had become our own running joke, applicable to almost anything. "Hey Cass, "I'd say, "hand me that toothpaste." "Caitlin," she'd say, her voice dark and serious. "I can't hand you the toothpaste. But I CAN help you hand the toothpaste to yourself.

  Sarah Dessen

  Running, Fun, Stupid

  Sarah Dessen (2004). “Dreamland”, p.222, Penguin

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• For jokes as well as justice come in with speech.

  C. S. Lewis

  Justice, Nephew, Speech

  "The Chronicles of Narnia Vol VI: The Magician's Nephew".

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• If I can't joke about imminent death, then I might as well just resign.

  James A. Owen

  Optimistic, Might, Imminent Death

  James A. Owen (2010). “Search for the Red Dragon”, p.159, Simon and Schuster

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• Love: the sickest of Irony’s sick jokes. The place where logic and order go to die.

  Christopher Moore

  Order, Sick, Irony

  Christopher Moore (2009). “Coyote Blue: A Novel”, p.158, Simon and Schuster

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