Bill Maher Quotes About Dogs

Quotes about: Dogs

• New Rule: Gay marriage won't lead to dog marriage. It is not a slippery slope to rampant inter-species coupling. When women got the right to vote, it didn't lead to hamsters voting. No court has extended the equal protection clause to salmon. And for the record, all marriages are "same sex" marriages. You get married, and every night, it's the same sex.

  Bill Maher

  Dog, Sex, Gay

  Bill Maher (2006). “New Rules: Polite Musings from a Timid Observer”, p.113, Rodale

• Why did Mitt Romney strap his dog to the roof of his car? Could it be because his station wagon was full of wives?

  Bill Maher

  Dog, Wife, Car

• The reason I love my dog so much is because when I come home, he's the only one in the world who treats me like I'm the Beatles.

  Bill Maher

  Dog, Home, World

• I wouldn't touch a hot dog unless you put a condom on it! You realize that the job of a hot dog is to use parts of the animal that the Chinese can't figure out how to make into a belt?

  Bill Maher

  Dog, Jobs, Animal

  "Bill Maher: I'm Swiss", 2005.

• To those people who say, 'My father is alive because of animal experimentation,' I say, 'Yeah, well, good for you. This dog died so your father could live.' Sorry, but I am just not behind that kind of trade-off.

  Bill Maher

  Dog, Sorry, Father

• Trying to get today's Republicans to accept basic facts is like trying to get your dog to take a pill. You have to feed them the truth wrapped in a piece of baloney, hold their snouts shut and stroke their throats. and even then, just when you think they've swallowed it, they spit it out on the linoleum.

  Bill Maher

  Dog, Thinking, Trying

• Oh, America! I could never leave you! You're like my dog, dumb as a post but you make me laugh!

  Bill Maher

  Dog, America, Laughing

• Wichita Falls, Texas is considering using toilet water for drinking. And a dog there today said, 'White people's problems.'

  Bill Maher

  Dog, Drinking, Fall

• Of course, there are questions that plague all of us. How did we get here? What happens when we die? Is there a heaven? Am I on the list? Who let the dogs out?

  Bill Maher

  Dog, Heaven, Lists

• Meat is dirty. I wouldn't touch a hot dog without a condom on it

  Bill Maher

  Dog, Dirty, Meat

• Next week John Boehner will be sitting behind Barack Obama at the State of the Union address. I think Obama should purposely try to embarrass him by telling the story of 'Old Yeller.' The state of our Union is strong, but not so good for one special dog.'

  Bill Maher

  Dog, Strong, Thinking

• But I've often said that if I had – I have two dogs – if I had two retarded children, I'd be a hero. And yet the dogs, which are pretty much the same thing. What? They're sweet. They're loving. They're kind, but they don't mentally advance at all. Dogs are like retarded children.

  Bill Maher

  Dog, Sweet, Children

• America is like a dog. I'm sorry, but it is. It cannot understand actual words. It understands inflection. It understands fear. But you can't actually explain issues to a dog.

  Bill Maher

  Dog, Sorry, America

  "Bill Maher, Michael Moore Explain Election Results" by Bret Baier, www.foxnews.com. November 15, 2010.

• If we were a dog and God owned us, the cops would come and take us away.

  Bill Maher

  Dog, Cop, Ifs

  "Wrapping our minds around the Noah story in the Bible". blogs.chicagotribune.com. March 18, 2014.

• I have two dogs. If I had retarded children, I'd be a hero. And yet, the dogs are pretty much the same thing.

  Bill Maher

  Dog, Children, Hero

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