We had a national tragedy this week, and the President of the United States and Sarah Palin both made speeches on the same day. Obama came out against lunatics with guns, she gave the rebuttal.
I'll show you Obama's birth certificate when you show me Sarah Palin's high school diploma.
Not a lot of people know about Tunisia. Sarah Palin thinks it's the name of one of Obama's kids.
If there is such a thing as karma, let's hope that Sarah Palin comes back as a wolf being shot at from a plane.
The other financial genius, John McCain, said the fundamentals of our economy are strong, and then yesterday he wanted to fire the head of the SEC -- except you can't as president fire the SEC chairman, it's a non-governmental job. Sarah Palin said today one more gaffe from McCain, and she's going to drop him from the ticket.
Sarah Palin has strong opinions on the Libyans. She said, 'Marriage is between a man and a woman and Libyans like Rachel Maddow are what's ruining this country.'
Sarah Palin has already had an effect on foreign relations... The new president of Pakistan, Ali Zardari, is in hot water, because last week, Sarah was on a class trip to New York, where she met foreign leaders... And one of the leaders she met was Zardari, and he was gushing over her. He said, oh, you're more gorgeous in person than you are on TV. And so the people in his home country of Pakistan, the Islamists, they issued a fatwa on him, for being too 'flirty.' And when Sarah today was told that Zardari had gotten a fatwa because of her, she said, 'I know, I felt it when he hugged me.'
Sarah Palin should not be on vacation. She should be in summer school.
Naturally the smart thing to do to solve your economic woes is to demonize the Democrats. And of course, Sarah Palin is more than happy to oblige. She's been saying that Obama hangs out with terrorists. And you know, I think the evangelical lady who's in a video getting blessed by a witch doctor, who's married to a secessionist, and can't name a newspaper -- she's right, Obama is scary.
Sarah Palin's whole family got into a drunken public fistfight. Something police are calling a 'tragic case of trash-on-trash violence.'
The federal government... announced a plan to spend, like, a trillion of taxpayer dollars to buy out bad mortgages and debt. Wall Street was surprisingly enthusiastic about the plan to save their (butts) with other peoples' money. It was either that, or Sarah Palin's idea to sell it all on eBay.
Sarah Palin finally heard what happened in Japan and she's demanding that we invade 'Tsunami.'
As a loyal American and I think a patriotic American, no, I don't want Sarah Palin to be president.
The Republicans released their 'Pledge to America.' It's 21 pages of phony charts and bad ideas. Sarah Palin got a copy, and she said, 'How am I supposed to fit all this crap on my hand?
Rick Santorum said this week that his 12-year-old could out-reason me about God. Look, I am not about to debate a home-schooled 12-year-old. I have enough trouble with Sarah Palin.
Sarah Palin said perhaps the most irresponsible thing I've ever heard any politician say. She said, 'The only thing that stops a bad guy with a nuke is a good guy with a nuke.' You think she realizes that nuking Russia might not be good for someone who can see Russia from her house?
I want to thank some very special people without whom I would not be here today. George Bush, Sarah Palin and the Pope. When I came to Hollywood in 1983, I had one dream. To sleep with Jodie Foster. That didn't work out, but this is nice, too.
This week Sarah Palin's memoir became a bestseller. It's not even out yet. It's being translated into English.
I kid the Republicans, with love. I feel bad for them. They got nobody for next time. Who are they gonna run? Sarah Palin, reading off her hand. Did you see that? You saw this? She wrote "tax cuts" on her hand. A Republican so stupid she has to be reminded of the one thing - Tax cuts! This is like if you saw the coyote's paw and it said "Road Runner".
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