Bill Maher Quotes About Jesus

Quotes about: Jesus

• Jesus is not a candle. A company in South Dakota is selling candles with the scent of Jesus. You light one and your friends says, Christ, what's that smell?

  Bill Maher

  Jesus, Light, Smell

  Bill Maher (2005). “New Rules: Polite Musings from a Timid Observer”, p.185, Rodale

• There's a phrase we live by in America: "In God We Trust". It's right there where Jesus would want it: on our money.

  Bill Maher

  Funny, Jesus, Atheist

• I don't know anyone less Jesus like than Christians.

  Bill Maher

  Christian, Jesus, Atheist

• Jesus, as a philosopher is wonderful. There's no greater role model, in my view, than Jesus Christ. It's just a shame that most of the people who follow him and call themselves Christians act nothing like him.

  Bill Maher

  Christian, Jesus, Views

  "Did CBS Censor Bill Maher?". "The O'Reilly Factor" with Bill O'Reilly, www.foxnews.com. September 26, 2006.

• New Rule: If an Evangelical tries to use Halloween to pimp Jesus to kids, they get to egg his house. On Halloween, the president of the American Family Association urged his flock to hand out a Christian-based comic book instead of candy. Excuse me, Halloween isn't a time to push your beliefs. You don't see me handing out pot to kids...Okay, well not the little kids.

  Bill Maher

  Christian, Jesus, Halloween

  Bill Maher (2011). “The New New Rules: A Funny Look at How Everybody but Me Has Their Head Up Their Ass”, p.95, Penguin

• In New York, Catholic groups have forced an art gallery to shut down an exhibition of a six-foot image of Jesus in chocolate. So, the Archbishop of New York was very upset. He said, 'It is appalling to make Jesus out of food! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go bake some communion wafers.'

  Bill Maher

  Jesus, Art, Atheist

• If you ignore every single thing Jesus told you to do, you are just auditing. You're not a Christian.

  Bill Maher

  Christian, Jesus, Religion

• You're either a rationalist, or you're not. And the good news is a recent poll found 20% of adults under 30 say they are rationalists, and have figured out that Santa Claus and Jesus are really the same guy. Now, 20% is hardly a majority. But it's a bigger minority than blacks, jews, homosexuals, NRA members, teachers, or seniors... and it's certainly enough to stop being shy about expressing the opinion that we're not the crazy ones!

  Bill Maher

  Senior, Teacher, Jesus

• It could be anything. It could be Jesus and it could be the Furby and it could be the lint that lives in my navel, but it's probably not. Whatever it is, I doubt we as humans on Earth could have any perception of it while we're here. So, why give yourself a headache thinking about it. Just be a good person. That's what an ethicist is.

  Bill Maher

  Jesus, Thinking, Giving

  "Bill Maher Gets Ridiculous with Religulous". Interview with Brian Gallagher, movieweb.com. February 16, 2009.

• It is appalling to make Jesus out of food! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go bake some communion wafers.

  Bill Maher

  Jesus, Excuse, Communion

• I love Jesus. I just don't like the Christians who don't believe in what he says.

  Bill Maher

  Christian, Jesus, Believe

  "Real Time With Bill Maher", October 7, 2005.

• If Jesus was a Jew, why did he have a Spanish name?

  Bill Maher

  Jesus, Names, Agnostic

• There's no greater model, in my view, than Jesus Christ.

  Bill Maher

  Jesus, Views, Christ

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• When we talk about values, I think of rationality in solving problems. That's something I value. Fairness, kindness, generosity, tolerance. That's different. When they [Conservative right wing Republicans] talk about values, they're talking about things like going to church, voting for Bush, being loyal to Jesus, praying. These are not values.

  Bill Maher

  Jesus, Kindness, Thinking

  "Real Time with Bill Maher", November 5, 2004.

• If you believe Jesus ever had a good word for war or torture or tax cuts for the rich, or raping the earth, or refusing water to dying migrants, then you might as well believe bunnies lay painted eggs.

  Bill Maher

  Jesus, War, Believe

  "HBO Real Time" with Bill Maher, votesmart.org. March 31, 2006.

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