It's simple, if it jiggles, it's fat.
Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely.
Every man's dream is to be able to sink into the arms of a woman without also falling into her hands.
A lifetime of happiness! No man alive could bear it: it would be hell on earth.
Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.
And he nipped them in the bud, right at the end
If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to the library.
If the right to vote were expanded to seven year olds … its policies would most definitely reflect the ‘legitimate concerns’ of children to have ‘adequate’ and ‘equal’ access to ‘free’ french fries, lemonade and videos.
It was a small town: Ferguson, Ohio. When you entered there was a big sign and it said, "Welcome to Ferguson. Beware of the Dog." The all-night drugstore closed at noon.
I can play in the center, on the right and occasionally on the left side.
We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect.
This shirt is "dry-clean only"... Which means it's dirty.
Competitions are for horses, not artists.
A woman who would steal your love when your love was really all you had to give was not much of a woman.
You shall know the truth, and it will make you odd.
As he was valiant, I honour him. But as he was ambitious, I slew him.
Never trust a man in red trousers
I came home, the car was in the dining room. "How did you get the car in here?" "Easy, I took a left at the kitchen."
There aren't any hard women, only soft men.
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
I want to go to there.
I like children - fried.
He who hesitates is a damned fool.
You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.
I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down.
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