Jokes Quotes - Page 8

• I could never sit down and write jokes.

  Louis C. K.

  Writing, Down And

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• If my dog wants to know why I didn't feed him this morning, he may want to rethink walking out of the room when I'm telling him a joke.

  Dana Gould

  Dog, Morning, May

  FaceBook post by Dana Gould from Jul 17, 2013

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• It feels amazing to just be here and be able to share my jokes with the world. It's not so much about being a girl, it's about being a funny comic.

  Iliza Shlesinger

  Girl, World, Able

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• When you get off stage, the audience should know a little bit about you. Not where you are from, but how you see the world. And that's the difference between like a Chris Rock joke, and like an open-miker.

  Iliza Shlesinger

  Differences, Rocks, World

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• I don't tend to like race jokes. I don't like Jew jokes and black jokes, and they make me very uncomfortable, probably because I'm both. Well, I'm not black - but if I was then I could dance better.

  Iliza Shlesinger

  Race, Black, Uncomfortable

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• I bullshit on the phone all day with a variety of people discussing various projects, and occasionally write jokes.

  Al Madrigal

  Writing, Phones, People

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• Every week for me was the same audience, and every week they heckled me. The better I got at comedy, the better the audience was at heckling me. But it helped me with my joke writing.

  Felipe Esparza

  Writing, Heckling, Comedy

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• Cougar jokes are now as hackneyed as airplane food.

  Felipe Esparza

  Airplane, Cougars

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• I better start doing stand up comedy in Spanish before every comedian in Mexico translates my jokes.

  Felipe Esparza

  Comedian, Mexico, Comedy

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• If it's just the voice, then you can only do jokes. It's not really even about the impression so much. It's about the take and what you do with the person. I try to get a character across with the impression.

  Frank Caliendo

  Character, Voice, Trying

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• A joke is either funny or it's not funny. If I hear a funny joke, you know what I do? I laugh, that's what I do. I don't start a focus group to see who got hurt by the joke.

  Alonzo Bodden

  Hurt, Laughing, Focus

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• I think my one of my strengths in standup is my ability to adlib. I do all my best writing on stage. I can sit down and write jokes, but I'd rather go on stage with a premise or an idea and let the jokes come that way. My creative juices are never flowing any better than when I'm onstage.

  Henry Cho

  Writing, Thinking, Creative Juices

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• My comedy is for adults, but you can have your kids listen to it. They won't get all the jokes because hopefully I'm more cerebral than a 10-year-old... but if you ask my wife, I'm not!

  Henry Cho

  Kids, Years, Wife

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• For the first few years I wrote jokes and performed them word for word and then wrote tags for them and did that word for word and that worked pretty well. Now, I do almost all of my writing on stage and then record and listen for any new things and then I write those down.

  Gary Gulman

  Writing, Years, Records

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• There are certain jokes that indicate how mainstream a comic is. If you're talking about how the side effects of drugs that they advertise on TV are worse than the actual illness they're supposed to prevent, that's like the hackiest joke out there now. If you're still doing that joke, that usually is an indicator of being mainstream, in a bad way.

  Gary Gulman

  Talking, Drug, Way

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• Writing good jokes requires effort. Think I'll just start dressing funnier.

  Dov Davidoff

  Writing, Thinking, Effort

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• Please use anger for something positive like hurting people that deserve it or writing jokes.

  Dov Davidoff

  Hurt, Writing, People

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• Looking into blood doping. I think it will allow me to write jokes with greater intensity, and for a longer period of time.

  Dov Davidoff

  Writing, Thinking, Blood

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• Well, I am not always joking, sometimes I am serious. But some people always expect you to be funny. If you were like you are on stage, you would be obnoxious. With the jokes and the putdowns, I would need to take a break... juggle something.

  Dom Irrera

  People, Would Be, Needs

  "Dom Irrera...Dominating Stand-up". AskMen Interview, www.askmen.com.

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• Jokes that make me laugh out loud when I write them almost always bomb. I have no idea why.

  Chris Hardwick

  Writing, Ideas, Laughing

  "Crafting a Joke: The Arc of an Act" by Chris Hardwick, www.wired.com. May 24, 2010.

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• What I say is stupid. Who takes a comedian seriously? I'm doing sophisticated knock-knock jokes.

  Carlos Mencia

  Stupid, Comedian, Sophisticated

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• In all honesty, we don't know what's in the hearts of other men. All I know is that I respect comedy and I know comedy. I would never, ever, ever take somebody else's joke.

  Carlos Mencia

  Honesty, Heart, Men

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• I am a product... I'm a comedian. I'm not curing cancer. In the end, I tell jokes. I make people laugh. I make sense out of ridiculous situations, but in the end, it's all about laughter. It's all about your cheek hurting, your stomach hurting.

  Carlos Mencia

  Hurt, Laughter, Cancer

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• But there's times when I like to find the strange angles to something. People go, 'I heard a lot of jokes like that, but that's one of the most interesting takes I heard.' That's what I try to do.

  Godfrey

  People, Interesting, Trying

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• Even if you get a joke right you've done it a thousand times and sometimes there's times where it just doesn't work or someone doesn't agree with you. And I want to show that. I have had more hecklers because that's part of comedy is arguments, you know?

  Godfrey

  Hecklers, Done, Want

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