Jokes Quotes - Page 11

• "What a joke: Tiny living entities crawling on a little planet and are thinking, "I am Great". "

  Radhanath Swami

  Thinking, Tiny, Littles

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• In the whole of the New Testament there is not one joke, that fact alone would invalidate any book.

  Friedrich Nietzsche

  Book, Facts, New Testament

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• It is important to remember when making jokes about women, that they are not a minority. They weren't captured on another continent and brought here in leg-irons (funny shoes, yes, but not leg-irons) and Hitler didn't blame them for Germany's loss in WWI. Therefore, you can make any kind of fun of them you want.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Fun, Loss, Shoes

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• I am fun. I do have a good time. I have a good heart. I'm not all jokes. I'm a pretty serious person sometimes. I'm very very hardworking. I'm very academic.

  Heidi Montag

  Fun, Heart, Serious Person

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• There's always someone who's going to interpret my material as racist, but it's not. Racism comes from intent and power. A racist will tell a joke about a group of people only when they're not in the room. I'll talk about a group of people only when they're in the room.

  Russell Peters

  Racism, People, Groups

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• The very phrase 'Oscar night' used to accelerate my pulse. For one thing - dating myself - it meant Bob Hope. He always had good, strong jokes, that faultless delivery, and always a new joke about his own films' failure - once again - to be honored.

  Dick Cavett

  Strong, Night, Dating

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• It's easy for someone to joke about scars if they've never been cut.

  William Shakespeare

  Cutting, Scar, Easy

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• It is unpardonable conceit not to laugh at your own jokes. Joking is undignified; that is why it is so good for one's soul. Do not fancy you can be a detached wit and avoid being a buffoon; you cannot. If you are the Court Jester you must be the Court Fool.

  Gilbert K. Chesterton

  Laughing, Soul, Fancy

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• If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates? Oh, you know something? I'm so far away from believing that it exists, and the only thing I know are jokes about it.

  Donald Sutherland

  Believe, Heaven, Far Away

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• Love's a weird one, isn't it? I've never told my husband Graham that I love him. He's never told me either. I think it started as a bit of a joke. We just decided never to say it.

  Sarah Beeny

  Husband, I Love Him, Thinking

  "What I know about men". Interview with Polly Vernon, www.theguardian.com. January 13, 2007.

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• I'm aware that I should end a joke with the good part, I choose not too.

  Daniel Tosh

  Ends, Should

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• Good shoes - they're the ultimate finishing touch. In fact, we actually joke in my family that your shoes have to be shined before you can leave the house.

  Cam Newton

  Shoes, House, Facts

  "Cam Newton Wants to Teach You How to Wear a Sweater". Interview with Nic Screws, www.bloomberg.com. December 29, 2015.

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• I was a bit scared because I came from the acting world. There was a fear that people would think of me kind of as a joke. But really, people think of me as a country artist who can act. That's my favorite compliment.

  Jana Kramer

  Country, Artist, Thinking

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• I do have pleasure when I'm writing. I mean, I'm aware of pleasure. And sometimes I make myself laugh, with a joke or something; or I feel gleeful.

  Peter Schjeldahl

  Writing, Mean, Laughing

  Source: www.guernicamag.com

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• There are a lot of great jokes you can sit down and write, but that's just a written joke, versus the comedy of the situation. Ideally, you're pulling as much comedy out of the situation as you can.

  John Mulaney

  Writing, Down And, Comedy

  "UPROXX Interview: John Mulaney On ‘Mulaney,’ Louis C.K.’s Advice, And ‘SNL’". Interview with Josh Kurp, uproxx.com. October 3, 2014.

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• I remember writing standup jokes without having done sets. But as soon as I did my first set, it didn't matter. Everything I thought would work didn't work. And everything I was iffy on was funny.

  John Mulaney

  Writing, Done, Matter

  "Interview: Comedian John Mulaney". Interview with Katherine Coplen, www.nuvo.net. April 16, 2015.

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• A lot of people live with no apparent means of support. I kind of envy the musicians up there. You're down here, busting your ass in Hollywood, and it's like Lily Tomlin's joke about the rat race - all you prove in the end is that you're a rat.

  Kurt Voss

  Mean, Race, People

  Source: www.aboutfilm.com

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• As professionals, we just try to keep the jokes to a minimum, when we're in a certain situation. When we're not doing that, we're joking.

  Mike Colter

  Trying, Certain, Situation

  Source: collider.com

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• I got to draw shapes. I really like to draw funky, geometric shapes. And I got to use just different fonts and make a joke of how feminine it was, but it didn't even have people in it. To me, it was so exciting and interesting to do that for a while.

  David Rees

  Geometric Shapes, People, Interesting

  Source: therumpus.net

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• I have a really analytical approach to art. And the whole idea that you can't analyze what makes a joke funny...I do not agree with that at all.

  David Rees

  Art, Ideas, Funny Jokes

  Source: therumpus.net

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• I literally cannot remember one joke.

  Judd Apatow

  Remember

  "This is Judd Apatow". "60 Minutes" with Anderson Cooper, www.cbsnews.com. December 30, 2012.

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• I've always been a fan at home. That's the one joke I have with Sam [Champion]. "I've always loved you! I remember wanting to be you in grade school!"

  Chris Cuomo

  Home, School, Champion

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• What I didn't realize is that the writing process for comedies is that you do your table read, and if you aren't funny on that first day during the table read, they take your jokes away and give them to somebody else.

  David Morse

  Writing, Giving, Tables

  Source: www.avclub.com

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• I did it a little bit in college, but now I've been doing it more. But yeah, it's not, I think you can definitely have a sense of humour about it. Like a lot of the time I'll finish my set with 'Sandstorm' by Darude - do you know that song? That's a funny song. People also go apeshit when you play it. But at the same time, it's not like the whole thing is a joke.

  Chris Baio

  Song, College, Thinking

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• The stuff about film being a collaborative medium is no joke.

  Alex Gibney

  Stuff, Film, Mediums

  Source: collider.com

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