Jokes Quotes - Page 15

• I could never make a joke about somebody unless I could say it to their face and they'd laugh.

  Margaret Cho

  Laughing, Faces

  "Don't Call Them Comediennes". Elle interview, www.elle.com. June 21, 2016.

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• Being good at fashion and beauty and girly stuff has been such a point of insecurity for me; I'm not good at coming up with jokes that make fun of other people for that, because I don't feel like I have a mastery of it myself.

  Rachel Bloom

  Girly, Fashion, Fun

  Source: www.elle.com

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• One of my favorite titles of an art piece is "Première Communion de Jeunes Filles Chlorotiques Par Un Temps De Neige" or "First Communion of Chlorotic Young Girls in Snowy Weather" by Alphonse Allais. It's essentially a joke of a title, since the accompanying image is a simple white square.

  Matthea Harvey

  Girl, Art, Simple

  Source: www.raintaxi.com

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• All of a sudden, making a Spanish-American War joke. I think you sort of had to go to probably to an American high school to have remembered that.

  David Mandel

  War, School, Thinking

  Source: deadline.com

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• This is not really currency that circulates. It's like the old joke about expensive vintage wine. Wine prices will go up and once in a while somebody will buy a 50-year-old bottle of wine and say, "Wait a minute. This has gone bad." The answer is, "Well, that wine isn't for drinking; that's for trading." These $100 bills aren't meant to circulate. They're not to spend on goods and services. They're a store of value. They're a form of saving.

  Michael Hudson

  Drinking, Wine, Years

  Source: www.counterpunch.org

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• I think people love to be noticed, they love to feel included. A lot of people are flattered if you, you know, if you make jokes about them, or I think because it means they're known.

  Jennifer Saunders

  Mean, Thinking, People

  "The Women of Absolutely Fabulous: The Movie on Killing Kate Moss and Wooing Jon Hamm". Interview with Anna Silman, www.thecut.com. June 30, 2016.

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• I don't read all the junk. I joke if I did, I wouldn't get out of bed in the morning. But, Sometimes the comments over the top - really ugly. Many of them are critical of my looks, like the one that criticized my "thunder thighs." I get that a lot. Some of the tweets are too vulgar to repeat.

  Gretchen Carlson

  Morning, Bed, Junk

  Source: frankviola.org

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• Comics who grew up surviving their childhood by being able to be the first one to make the joke about their weight or their hairy arms - like me - whatever they're insecure about, whatever they're apologizing for, that becomes their strength.

  Sarah Silverman

  Insecure, Childhood, Weight

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• I do just want to do jokes. I don't want to be a divisive figure.

  Jim Gaffigan

  Want, Figures

  "Comic Jim Gaffigan On Stand-Up, Faith And Opening For The Pope". "Fresh Air" with Terry Gross, www.npr.org. September 24, 2015.

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• Usually the intention of the artistic effect is too sophisticated for most people to understand, sort of like a joke that they don't get so they don't think it's funny.

  Billy Corgan

  Thinking, People, Artistic

  "A Conversation With Billy Corgan Part II". Interview with Sharon London, www.marandapleasantmedia.com.

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• I had some jokes that were dirty. And some of it is when I started making appearances on Conan and Letterman back in the late '90s, I think. You had to remove the curse words, or you couldn't do some of the more explicit jokes.

  Jim Gaffigan

  Dirty, Thinking, Conan

  "Comic Jim Gaffigan On Stand-Up, Faith And Opening For The Pope". "Fresh Air" with Terry Gross, www.npr.org. September 24, 2015.

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• I realized, in removing or rewriting these jokes, that often the jokes weren't done or that I was using, for me, the curse words as kind of a crutch. So then I just started writing.

  Jim Gaffigan

  Writing, Done, Kind

  "Comic Jim Gaffigan On Stand-Up, Faith And Opening For The Pope". "Fresh Air" with Terry Gross, www.npr.org. September 24, 2015.

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• Something horrible happens and I try to make it funny. It's really a tortured life. You go to a salsa bar, at your local burrito stand, and you know, you think "how can you make a joke about this?"

  Daniel Tosh

  Thinking, Trying, Bars

  "Mr. Daniel Tosh coming to NAU". The Lumberjack Interview, www.jackcentral.org. September 11, 2008.

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• I wasn't really that good at being a musician. And then I tried being a standup. I was an actor. I was a photographer. I tried everything. Nothing was particularly working for me, but then, as a musician, I wrote jokes for comics. And they started to buy my jokes, and that's where I thought maybe that might work.

  Garry Marshall

  Actors, Might, Musician

  "Fresh Air Remembers Garry Marshall, Creator Of 'Happy Days' And 'Laverne & Shirley'". "Fresh Air" with Terry Gross, www.npr.org. July 20, 2016.

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• I always remember writing a page of jokes for a comedian and handing it to him backstage at a club and he read it and then took his cigarette lighter and lit the page on...

  Garry Marshall

  Writing, Comedian, Clubs

  "Fresh Air Remembers Garry Marshall, Creator Of 'Happy Days' And 'Laverne & Shirley'". "Fresh Air" with Terry Gross, www.npr.org. July 20, 2016.

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• For Joey Bishop, always was kind of the lost soul, so I did a traffic joke.

  Garry Marshall

  Soul, Bishops, Kind

  "Fresh Air Remembers Garry Marshall, Creator Of 'Happy Days' And 'Laverne & Shirley'". "Fresh Air" with Terry Gross, www.npr.org. July 20, 2016.

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• There were always jokes about Hillary Clinton channeling Eleanor Roosevelt, but Eleanor Roosevelt was really instrumental at the UN, and would want to meet with various other delegates.

  Madeleine Albright

  Want, Clinton, Eleanor

  "American Word Interview with Madeleine Albright". Interview with Maeve Allsup, www.amwordmag.com. October 20, 2015.

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• The truth is, my dad was a great driver. I mean, he could handle an automobile. He loved speed. He used to joke that his one regret was he didn't join the volunteer fire service so he could drive the ambulance.

  Joe Biden

  Dad, Regret, Mean

  "Things My Father Taught Me: An Interview with Joe and Hunter Biden". Interview with Ryan D'Agostino, www.popularmechanics.com. May 18, 2016.

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• Matter of fact, the way we got a path, a great friend, Arlen Specter, I convinced him to switch parties. Not a joke. Not a joke. He was the deciding vote.

  Joe Biden

  Party, Matter, Way

  "Full video and transcript: Rachel Maddow interviews Vice President Joe Biden". Interview with Rachel Maddow, www.msnbc.com. February 18, 2016.

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• I joke that if she [Debbie Wasserman Schultz] could find a 3 a.m. slot in the Home Shopping Network, she would grab that. So those emails only confirm what we knew.

  Jonathan Tasini

  Home, Shopping, Email

  Source: www.npr.org

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• You see a lot of sketch variety shows where each segment is one joke that they repeat over and over and over again, and the sketches are always three or four minutes too long.

  Eric Andre

  Long, Three, Four

  Source: www.avclub.com

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• Wonder Showzen was one of the first shows that realized each sketch, each segment is essentially one joke, and, once you know what the joke is, it's time to move on.

  Eric Andre

  Moving, Time To Move On, Firsts

  Source: www.avclub.com

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• Let's hit the joke once and move on to the next joke and just keep it where we have as many jokes per square inch as possible.

  Eric Andre

  Moving, Squares, Next

  Source: www.avclub.com

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• Like I said, a sketch is one joke. They shouldn't really be more than a minute, two minutes. There are some shows where the sketch goes on for five minutes. It's like, "I get it! I'm already bored. I did like the joke, but I don't anymore, because you went on too long."

  Eric Andre

  Two, Long, Bored

  Source: www.avclub.com

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• [The people that worked on The Simpsons] just had good taste. They knew how to execute absurd jokes.

  Eric Andre

  People, Taste, Absurd

  Source: www.avclub.com

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