Jokes Quotes - Page 14

• I've always been into leopard print. No joke, when I was 14 years old I wanted my entire room to be covered in it.

  Kim Kardashian

  Years, Leopards, Rooms

  Source: www.elle.com

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• Surprisingly, a large number of people who fell out with their partners contacted us, saying that they would love to fly on a Virgle spaceship. But out of April Fools' jokes come real things, and I wouldn't be surprised, within the next 50 years, [if] there are one-way trips heading out into space with people on it. It would be very exciting.

  Richard Branson

  Real, Years, Numbers

  "Richard Branson: Time To Rethink 'Business As Usual'". "Talk of the Nation" with Neal Conan, www.npr.org. December 1, 2011.

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• With comics it's very close, like, "I don't want to say anything onstage that I wouldn't say offstage." Or vice versa. I say "faggot" in my special and in the joke I am the faggot, if that makes sense.

  Neal Brennan

  Special, Say Anything, Vices

  Source: www.esquire.com

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• I'm making fun of midwestern homophobia [in the joke], but I'm still saying faggot. And almost every month as I'm doing that joke it gets five percent less of a laugh.

  Neal Brennan

  Fun, Laughing, Months

  Source: www.esquire.com

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• I actually write some pretty tough jokes. I don't want to push the "soft" angle too much.

  Allison Silverman

  Writing, Want, Too Much

  Source: www.elle.com

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• Women are often pushed into the idea that they write softer, more character-driven jokes.

  Allison Silverman

  Writing, Character, Ideas

  Source: www.elle.com

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• I think one of my favorite pieces I've ever done on the show which was about Hezbollah Israel conflict in 2006 and it was very pointed. It was a beautifully crafted piece of satire and it's a weird thing to say but it had a joke in there about 9/11 and I remember the audience sort of laughing but also kind of not knowing how to respond to that joke and it was just so - and I remember the tension after we did this joke on the air and there was this palpable gasp in the audience, but they were also laughing. And I thought oh, wow, that is something that is not being said in the Zeitgeist.

  Aasif Mandvi

  Thinking, Knowing, Air

  "Aasif Mandvi On Life As A 'No Land's Man' And Impressing Jon Stewart". "Fresh Air" with Terry Gross, www.npr.org. November 3, 2014.

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• The worst thing ever that you have to explain your joke because I was very disappointed trying to explain why the joke is funny for the interrogator.

  Bassem Youssef

  Trying, Worst, Disappointed

  "'Egyptian Jon Stewart' Bassem Youssef Will Now Satirize U.S. Democracy". "Fresh Air" with Terry Gross, www.npr.org. February 3, 2016.

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• And there's wordplay and there's rhythms and you have to be able to get the poetry out of it. You have to be able to sell my jokes. And if you're talking about somebody like Sam Jackson, they do that. Sam Jackson can do that. Sam Jackson can turn it into the spoken word that it was always meant to be and he can sell my jokes. And Christopher Walken can do it and a lot of people can do it, all right.

  Quentin Tarantino

  Talking, People, Able

  "Pulp And Circumstance: Tarantino Rewrites History". "Fresh Air" with Terry Gross, www.npr.org. August 27, 2009.

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• When someone new comes on and has their first nude scene - and even if it's not full nudity - it's always a weird, awkward setup. We have these famous merkins which are sort of toupees for your delicate areas to make it look like you're naked but cover you up a little bit. But we joke around a little bit with the newbies who are trying that stuff on for the first time.

  Deborah Ann Woll

  Over You, Awkward, Trying

  Source: www.esquire.com

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• If you just heard 90 percent of dentists recommend something, it's too statistical. Nine out of 10 says: Well, it's just virtually everyone. It leads you to think of that joke about the one dentist. But so much of communication.

  Frank Luntz

  Communication, Thinking, Nine

  "Frank Luntz: How To 'Win' With Smart Messaging". Interview with Neal Conan, www-s4.npr.org. March 8, 2011.

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• I tell this joke about Barack Obama is the best communicator of our generation: The guy reads a teleprompter better than any Hollywood actor. John McCain, his opponent - Stevie Wonder reads a teleprompter better than John McCain.

  Frank Luntz

  Our Generation, Guy, Hollywood

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• Women always think that I'm Chandler, so if I don't joke around for half an hour they think that something's wrong. Then I explain that I don't have comedy writers scripting everything I'm saying at this particular dinner.

  Matthew Perry

  Thinking, Half, Dinner

  Source: www.elle.com

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• In polite society one laughs at all the jokes, including the ones one has heard before.

  Frank Dane

  Laughing, Polite, Heard

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• I never met a pig I didn't like. All pigs are intelligent, emotional, and sensitive souls. They all love company. They all crave contact and comfort. Pigs have a delightful sense of mischief; most of them seem to enjoy a good joke and appreciate music. And that is something you would certainly never suspect from your relationship with a pork chop.

  Sy Montgomery

  Intelligent, Emotional, Pigs

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• I don't like jokes in speeches. I do like wit and humor. A joke is to humor what pornography is to erotic language in a good novel.

  James C Humes

  Humor, Erotic, Speech

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• I've hated cockroaches my entire life.Tweeting jokes about it helps me cope, in a way. I'm not as jumpy killing cave crickets as I used to be. I still jump plenty though.

  Drew Magary

  Cockroaches, Caves, Way

  Source: postgradproblems.com

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• On the Internet, Spencer Hall at Everyday Should Be Saturday is the best writer in the universe. He's very funny. They're jokes about college football, but they come from somebody who's clearly smarter than the rest of us; it's always fun to get your jokes from someone who's a genius.

  Drew Magary

  Football, Fun, College

  Source: www.avclub.com

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• I keep on repeating something told to me by an American psychologist: "When you are making a joke about someone and you are the only one to laugh, it is not a joke. It is a joke only for yourself." If people are making a joke they have the right to laugh at me but I will ignore them. Ignoring doesn't mean that you don't understand. You understand it so much that you don't want to react.

  Tariq Ramadan

  Mean, People, Laughing

  "'You want my reaction? You get my silence.'". Interview with Lars Mensel and Clemens Lukitsch, www.theeuropean-magazine.com. November 19, 2012.

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• I'm proud to say I'm the only Slaughterhouse member who has not rewritten a verse yet, and that's the ongoing joke in the group, 'cause everybody has rewrote their sh*t except for me.

  Joe Budden

  Ongoing, Proud, Causes

  Source: djbooth.net

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• Mama is funny. She has a great sense of humor and loves a good joke. Loves a practical joke, too.

  Reba McEntire

  And Love, Mama, Sense Of Humor

  Source: www.sheknows.com

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• The opening scene in A New Hope, when you see the huge ship, it goes on, and on, and on, and on, and on... that is like a joke of awesomeness.

  Cass Sunstein

  Goes On, Ships, Scene

  "Cass Sunstein explains why Star Wars is like America". Interview with Alex McLevy, film.avclub.com. June 2, 2016.

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• Everything you see comes from inside. People don't see it but inside the dressing room we laugh and joke a lot so it's not just for the cameras. It's the way things are off the pitch too. We are happy for each other, it is all natural.

  Luis Suarez

  People, Laughing, Cameras

  Source: www.dailymail.co.uk

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• I started to make a joke that I had an imaginary friend underneath the let-out couch named Binky. I would never talk to him; I would only use him as entertainment for other people. I knew they thought that children had imaginary friends, so I was like, "I don't really believe in imaginary friends, but I want to feel like I do." I used to make a joke, "My imaginary friend Binky says this," because I knew it would get a laugh out of them.

  Keke Palmer

  Children, Believe, People

  Source: www.interviewmagazine.com

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• I guess the tone of jokes is often, at best, irreverent, but it always comes from a place of deep love.

  John Oliver

  Deep Love, Tone, Irreverent

  Source: www.wbur.org

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