Jokes Quotes - Page 3

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  I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade... And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.

  Ron White

  Inspirational, Funny, Encouraging

  "Blue Collar Comedy Tour Rides Again". Comedy, Documentary, www.imdb.com. 2004.

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• I like to hold the microphone cord like this, I pinch it together, then I let it go, then you hear a whole bunch of jokes at once.

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Humor, Let It Go

  "Comedy Central Presents", TV Series (1998– ). "Mitch Hedberg", www.imdb.com. 1999.

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• Whatever is funny is subversive, every joke is ultimately a custard pie... a dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion.

  George Orwell

  Funny, Dirty, Naughty

  "The Art of Donald McGill" (1941)

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• You throw a perfectly straight line at the audience and then, right at the end, you curve it. Good jokes do that.

  Abe Burrows

  Curves, Lines, Ends

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• I was very shy as a kid but when I found out I could perform and have people's attention everything changed for me. My mom likes to joke that until I was eight or nine I only knew what my sneakers looked like because I constantly walked around with my head down. But all of a sudden the stage made sense and that's what brought me out of my shell and a monster was created.

  Justin Timberlake

  Mom, Kids, Eight

  Source: www.indielondon.co.uk

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• To call them emotional comedies sounds cloying. Like Billy Wilder said, 'You want to make them laugh and you want to make them cry,' and it's very hard to do so. If you ground it in reality, you get a more honest comedy. You don't have to reach for jokes to manufacture situations as much. And I think it's a type of film I do best.

  Charles Shyer

  Emotional, Thinking, Reality

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• Humour allows us to see that ultimately things don't make sense. The only thing that truly makes sense is letting go of anything we continue to hold on to. Our ego-mind and emotions are a dramatic illusion. Of course, we all feel that they're real: my drama, your drama, our confrontations. We create these elaborate scenarios and then react to them. But there is nothing really happening outside our mind! This is karma's cosmic joke. You can laugh about the irony of this, or you can stick with your scenario. It's your choice.

  Dzigar Kongtrul Rinpoche

  Karma, Letting Go, Laughter

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• It would be a joke if the conduct of the victor had to be justified to the vanquished.

  Napoleon Bonaparte

  War, Power, Would Be

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• And the thing about my jokes is, they don't hurt anybody. You can take 'em or leave 'em - you can say they're funny or they're terrible or they're good, or whatever, but you can just pass 'em by. But with Congress, every time they make a joke, it's a law! And every time they make a law, it's a joke!

  Will Rogers

  Hurt, Law, Political

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

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• The human animal ... is ... neither male nor female ... And if I am allowed to jest a little in passing, I have a joke that is not altogether irrelevant: nothing resembles a male cat on the windowsill more than a female cat.

  Marie de Gournay

  Cat, Animal, Males

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• Thanks to feminism, women can now acquire status in two ways: through marriage or their own achievements. Cure cancer or marry the man who does, either way society will applaud. Unless he marries into the British royal family, it doesn't work that way for men. Wives shed no glory on their husbands. Having tea with Nancy Reagan is an honor; having tea with Denis Thatcher is a joke.

  Katha Pollitt

  Husband, Cancer, Men

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• Don't make jokes about food.

  David Lean

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• I will never joke about old soldiers who try to get to reunions to talk over the war again. To talk of old times with old friends is the greatest thing in the world.

  Will Rogers

  War, Old Friends, Soldier

  Will Rogers, Bryan B. Sterling (1995). “Will Rogers Speaks: Over 1,000 Timeless Quotations for Public Speakers (writers, Politicians, Comedians, Browsers ...)”, M Evans & Company

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• Now, I want to explain something to you guys. I don't have an ending joke, because I don't tell jokes. I tell real-life stories and make them funny. So, I'm not like the average comedian. They have an ending joke; they always holler Peace! I'm out of here, and walk off stage. So, basically, when I get through performing on stage, I just walk off.

  Bruce Bruce

  Real, Average, Guy

  "Bruce Bruce: Losin' It", Documentary, Comedy, www.imdb.com. February 26, 2011.

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• I don't really tell a joke, I react to situations. The whole thing is just looking at somebody and showing all our weaknesses and exaggerating them, and that's how it becomes funny.

  Don Rickles

  Weakness, Situation, Whole

  Source: adambulger.blogspot.com

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• I think people need to laugh everyday. Whether the economy is good or bad, I think the most important thing is to laugh and to feel positive, if you are laughing at something positive. But if you are laughing at mean jokes then it's a wash.

  Ellen DeGeneres

  Mean, Thinking, People

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• The entire Quran is a big joke. If it was not so violent, it would be the biggest comic book ever written.

  Ali Sina

  Book, Would Be, Quran

  Source: myislam.dk

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• The two-party system is a bad joke on the American people; when it comes to Republicans and Democrats remember they are two sides of the same coin. Voting for the lesser of two evils is still a vote for evil and not an answer to our problems. A vote for a Republican or a Democrat will not fix anything and is a wasted vote.

  Aaron Russo

  Party, Two Sides, People

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• A joke is necessary at this time.

  Grace Paley

  Grace Paley, Robert Nichols (2007). “Here and Somewhere Else”, Feminist Press

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• Visual supervision is a joke for development workers. Visual supervision is for prisoners.

  Tom DeMarco

  Development, Prisoner, Supervision

  Tom DeMarco, Tim Lister (2013). “Peopleware: Productive Projects and Teams”, p.164, Addison-Wesley

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• What is the universe? Is it a great 3D movie in which we are the unwilling actors? Is it a cosmic joke, a giant computer, a work of art by a Supreme Being or simply an experiment? The problem in trying to understand the universe is that we have nothing to compare it to.

  Heinz Pagels

  Art, Trying, Giants

  Heinz R. Pagels (2012). “The Cosmic Code: Quantum Physics as the Language of Nature”, p.343, Courier Corporation

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• A joke isn't a joke until someone laughs.

  Michael Crawford

  Laughing

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• When people become too intense, too serious, they will have trouble in relating to any sort of social game or norm. Perhaps this is why jokes are so important. On one hand they tell us about where the problems and grievances are, and, at the same time, they provide the means of enduring these grievances by laughing at the problems.

  Marshall McLuhan

  Mean, Hands, Games

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• I've got to have something. I want to stop it all, the whole monumental grotesque joke, before it's too late. But writing poems and letters doesn't seem to do much good.

  Sylvia Plath

  Writing, Too Late, Letters

  Sylvia Plath (2007). “The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath”, p.19, Anchor

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• A lot of people who look at my photographs think it is an easy joke, but it does take a bit of thinking about.

  Alison Jackson

  Thinking, People, Doe

  "Alison Jackson's best shot" by Leo Benedictus, www.theguardian.com. November 7, 2007.

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