Jokes Quotes - Page 4

• When you have a couple hundred people in one huge space, that's gonna lead to jokes and it's a breeding ground for practical jokes and teasing.

  Duffy

  Couple, Space, People

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• In movies, you don't get reactions: Live, when you do a joke, you know in a second whether it's good or bad. But in a movie, since no one is allowed to laugh or do anything, when you're done with a scene, you're left asking, 'Was that funny?'

  Carrot Top

  Laughing, Asking, Done

  "Carrot Top" by Stephen Thompson, www.avclub.com. September 02, 1997.

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• The Lord's angel, Gebrail, dictated the Koran to Mohammed the Lord's Prophet. What a joke if all that holy book were only twenty-three years of listening to the desert. A desert which has no voice.

  Thomas Pynchon

  Book, Angel, Years

  Thomas Pynchon (2012). “V.”, p.52, Penguin

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• What I don't understand is these people who go on the street wearing riding clothes, and they have never been on a horse. They ought to have their heads examined, really. It's a joke. But, let's face it, we live in a fantasy world.

  C. Z. Guest

  Horse, Clothes, People

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• It will startle you to see what slaves we are to by-gone times-to Death, if we give the matter the right word! ... We read in Dead Men's books! We laugh at Dead Men's jokes, and cry at Dead Men's pathos! . . . Whatever we seek to do, of our own free motion, a Dead Man's icy hand obstructs us!

  Nathaniel Hawthorne

  Book, Men, Hands

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• That's what my books are, now that I'm a grownup - mosaics of jokes.

  Kurt Vonnegut

  Book, Mosaics, Grownups

  Kurt Vonnegut (1988). “Conversations with Kurt Vonnegut”, p.192, Univ. Press of Mississippi

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• Fate seemed to be playing a series of extraordinarily unamusing jokes.

  George Orwell

  Fate, Series

  George Orwell (2012). “Down and Out in Paris and London”, p.30, Lulu.com

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• You shouldn't make jokes if it makes you so unhappy.

  Lewis Carroll

  Unhappy, Ifs

  Lewis Carroll (2014). “Through the Looking-Glass JESUK147”, p.17, Classic Comic Store Ltd.

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• Woody Allen once said: "You know there must be intelligent life in space. The question is do they have good Chinese restaurants and do they deliver?" Which is really a joke, but it is also a very profound remark. When you say do they have good Chinese restaurants, what you're really saying is, "How much are they like us?" And when you say, "Do they deliver?" you're saying, "Can they get here?" Both of which are profound questions. And at the present, we have no answers.

  Gene Wolfe

  Intelligent, Space, Profound

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• When I first became famous in the United Kingdom it was helpful because it meant there wasn't a spite of 'this bloke's a drug addict,' 'this bloke f**ks all these women' because I was just making jokes about all those things already, so it made me some kind of incorruptible indefatigable, indestructible force.

  Russell Brand

  Drug, Kingdoms, Firsts

  "Russell Brand Interview GET HIM TO THE GREEK". Interview with Steve Weintraub, collider.com. May 31, 2010.

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• There are always a lot of jokes and good vibes floating through the studio so tattooing all day doesn't feel like a job. It's rewarding to see my clients as excited as I am.

  William Webb

  Jobs, Floating, Good Vibes

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• I have this natural thing in my head that when I sit down to write something serious, I tend to make jokes. I can't help it. I can't help but desire for the narrative to be as complicated and as truthful as possible. That's just the way my head works.

  Justin Simien

  Writing, Desire, Narrative

  Source: www.moviesonline.ca

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• I joke that I reached the bimbo trifecta when I came to Fox News! In being a former Miss America, being blonde and then Fox.

  Gretchen Carlson

  America, Missing, Blonde

  "'Getting Real' with Fox News anchor Gretchen Carlson". Interview with John W. Kennedy, www.beliefnet.com.

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• The mother-in-laws themselves weren't natural jokes but most comedians used to use that.

  Allen Toussaint

  Mother, Law, Comedian

  "'Fresh Air' Remembers Hit Songwriter, Pianist And Producer Allen Toussaint". "Fresh Air" with Dave Davies, www.npr.org. November 13, 2015.

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• I rely on some words that actually my husband said to me. He jokes about saying, "You know it's only darkest before it's totally black!" Even in my darkest hour - and my darkest hour was probably when I lost both my parents - I look to him and I see what he has endured, what he has overcome, what he is doing with his life, and just how he's lived his life.

  Cindy McCain

  Husband, Parent, Black

  Source: www.goodhousekeeping.com

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• I don't want to be elected president to sit around and see gridlock just become so dominant that people literally decline in their lives. That's not my motivation. I have a lot of cool things to do other than sitting around, being miserable, listening to people demonize me and being compelled to demonize them. That is a joke. Elect Trump if you want that. If you want somebody who has a heart for people, who can fight for people, and can fix these things, then there are a couple other people, and I believe I'm the best one.

  Jeb Bush

  Couple, Motivation, Believe

  "Is White House taking responsibility for US casualty in ISIS raid?". October 26, 2015.

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• People joke about me that I talk in voiceovers. I have that sort of inflection. But I do talk in voiceovers. I have done it my whole life.

  Matt Nix

  People, Done, Whole Life

  Source: deadline.com

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• We spoke to God about the children, and we were afraid to ask God for specific things. We thought that it might be too much. So we said to God 'Please give us a healthy child' and left it at that, not knowing that God is a generous God, but also has a sense of humor. And if you leave that much open for God, some wonderful jokes are going to come about.

  Bill Cosby

  Children, Knowing, Giving

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• So if you're negative, you live longer? That sounds like a cruel joke.

  Jon Stewart

  Sound, Negative, Ifs

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• There is no reason why a joke should not be appreciated more than once. Imagine how little good music there would be if, for example, a conductor refused to play Beethoven's Fifth Symphony on the ground that his audience might have heard it before.

  A. P. Herbert

  Play, Symphony, Littles

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• I have been trying for a long time to understand God. Now I have made friends with him. To love him truly you must love change, and you must love a joke, these being the true inclinations of his own heart.

  Isak Dinesen

  Heart, Long, Trying

  Isak Dinesen (2011). “Seven Gothic Tales”, p.355, Vintage

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• We associate the North Atlantic with cod. The motto of Newfoundland used to be 'In cod we trust.' It was a joke, but it was essentially true. But there is no cod anymore. And that's extraordinary. It's all because of either greed or politics - Canadian politics.

  Simon Winchester

  Greed, Motto, Used

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• If you have only a little capital and are young today, there are fewer opportunities than when I was young. Back then, we had just come out of a depression. Capitalism was a bad word. There had been abuses in the 1920s. A joke going around then was the guy who said, 'I bought stock for my old age and it worked - in six months, I feel like an old man!' "It's tougher for you, but that doesn't mean you won't do well - it just may take more time. But what the heck, you may live longer."

  Charlie Munger

  Mean, Opportunity, Men

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• I feel like you can share as many jokes as you want to because no joke you do on Twitter is ever gonna be so big on Twitter, for the most part, that you can't say it on stage that same night.

  W. Kamau Bell

  Night, Want, Like You

  Source: collider.com

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• I walk with God, and He protects me. That may very well be true. I don't mean to make that sound like a joke, in case He is in charge.

  Dan Harmon

  Mean, Sound, May

  "Dan Harmon Talks RICK AND MORTY, Working for Adult Swim, Animation vs Live-Action, COMMUNITY, and Much More". Interview with Christina Radish, collider.com. July 27, 2013.

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