Funny Marriage Quotes - Page 4

• Marriage is like pleading guilty to an indefinite sentence. Without parole.

  John Mortimer

  Marriage, Guilty, Parole

  8 Copy quote

• Now, it's true I married my wife for her looks... but not the ones she's been givin' me lately.

  Jeff Foxworthy

  Wife, Looks, Comedy

  8 Copy quote

• That married couples can live together day after day is a miracle that the Vatican has overlooked.

  Bill Cosby

  Marriage, Valentines Day, Cute Relationship

  9 Copy quote

• Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Relationship, Anniversary

  90 Copy quote

• A man's wife has more power over him than the state has.

  Ralph Waldo Emerson

  Marriage, Funny Love, Men

  Ralph Waldo Emerson, Alfred R. Ferguson (1965). “Journals and Miscellaneous Notebooks of Ralph Waldo Emerson, Volume V: 1835-1838”, p.199, Harvard University Press

  22 Copy quote

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• In life, it's not who you know that's important, it's how your wife found out.

  Joey Lauren Adams

  Life, Anniversary, Wife

  4 Copy quote

• Zsa Zsa Gabor got married as a one-off, and it was so successful she turned it into a series.

  Bob Hope

  Successful, Married, One Liner

  7 Copy quote

• Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.

  Ogden Nash

  Relationship, Marriage, Funny Birthday

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

  54 Copy quote

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• All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt.

  Charles M. Schulz

  Love, Funny, Valentines Day

  271 Copy quote

• God speaks with authority on every subject including marriage and His advice trumps Oprah's every time.

  Kirk Cameron

  Advice, Speak, Authority

  56 Copy quote

• Marriage is the chief cause of divorce.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Sarcastic, Wedding

  44 Copy quote

• Before marriage, a man will lie awake thinking about something you said; after marriage , he'll fall asleep before you finish saying it.

  Helen Rowland

  Love, Funny, Marriage

  47 Copy quote

• The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but must live with a character.

  Peter De Vries

  Love, Marriage, Wedding

  45 Copy quote

• I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Marriage, Sarcastic

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  112 Copy quote

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• The most important single thing that any Latter-day Saint ever does in this world is to marry the right person, in the right place, by the right authority.

  Bruce R. McConkie

  Marriage, Important, Doe

  69 Copy quote

• It is sometimes essential for a husband and a wife to quarrel - they get to know each other better.

  Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

  Marriage, Husband, Wife

  27 Copy quote

• Marriage is neither heaven nor hell, it is simply purgatory.

  Abraham Lincoln

  Relationship, Marriage, Cynical

  Abraham Lincoln, Bob Blaisdell (2005). “The Wit and Wisdom of Abraham Lincoln: A Book of Quotations”, p.91, Courier Corporation

  71 Copy quote

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• With my wife it was sex, sex, sex...Yes, three times in 35 years.

  Bob Monkhouse

  Sex, Years, Wife

  9 Copy quote

• you know... there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time.... husband!!!

  Bill Maher

  Husband, Names, People

  6 Copy quote

• Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Love, Funny, Marriage

  Ambrose Bierce (2001). “The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary”, p.155, University of Georgia Press

  44 Copy quote

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• What's for dinner is the only question many husbands ask their wives, and the only one to which they care about the answer.

  Mignon McLaughlin

  Marriage, Husband, Wife

  Mignon McLaughlin (2014). “Aperçus: The Aphorisms of Mignon McLaughlin”, p.32, BookBaby

  11 Copy quote

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• Marriage: A word which should be pronounced "mirage".

  Herbert Spencer

  Funny, Relationship, Marriage

  19 Copy quote

• Married life teaches one invaluable lesson: to think of things far enough ahead not to say them.

  Jefferson Machamer

  Marriage, Wedding Anniversary, Thinking

  46 Copy quote

• The great secret of a successful marriage is to treat all disasters as incidents and none of the incidents as disasters.

  Harold Nicolson

  Relationship, Marriage, Successful

  53 Copy quote

• A happy home is one in which each spouse grants the possibility that the other may be right, though neither believes it

  Donald M. Fraser

  Anniversary, Marriage, Believe

  61 Copy quote