Funny Marriage Quotes - Page 8

• Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of growths

  Mark Twain

  Anniversary, Marriage, Wedding

  Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.248, Courier Corporation

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• Marriage is like retiring as a bachelor and getting a sexual pension. You don't have to work for the sex any more, but you only get 65% as much.

  Aristotle

  Sex, Bachelors, Retiring

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• Sex when you're married is like going to the 7-Eleven: There's not much variety, but at three in the morning, it's always there.

  Carol Leifer

  Morning, Sex, Three

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• Marriage works best for men than women. The two happiest groups are married men and unmarried women.

  Gloria Steinem

  Men, Two, Feminist

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• If a man works like a horse for his money, there are a lot of girls anxious to take him down the bridal path.

  Marty Allen

  Marriage, Girl, Horse

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• Neither of us entered marriage thinking it wouldn't be a strain. Life has strains in it, and he's the person I want to strain with.

  Patricia Arquette

  Thinking, Want, Persons

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• You have no idea of the women I didn't marry.

  Artie Shaw

  Ideas, No Idea

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

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• I have trouble saying hu ... hu ... husband.

  Rosanna Arquette

  Husband, Trouble

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• The only time some fellows are seen with their wives is after they're indicted.

  Kin Hubbard

  Wife, Fellows, Only Time

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• Marriage is an investment which pays dividends if you pay interest.

  Bob Monkhouse

  Pay, Investment, Interest

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• There is a vast difference between the savage and the civilized man, but it is never apparent to their wives until after breakfast.

  Helen Rowland

  Marriage, Humorous, Food

  Helen Rowland (2017). “A Guide to Men: Being Encore Reflections of a Bachelor Girl”, p.22, Litres

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• I didn't know every day I would be discussing the tone of my voice with my wife. I thought it was a marriage. Apparently, it's a musical.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Voice, Wife, Musical

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• The critical period of matrimony is breakfast-time.

  A. P. Herbert

  Marriage, Time, Breakfast

  Uncommon Law (1935) "Is Marriage Lawful?"

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• It is best for ordinary men to have only one wife !

  Akbar

  Men, Wife, Ordinary

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• My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Cutting, Two, Wife

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• Bigamy ? It's having one wife too much...
  ...Monogamy ? It's the same.

  Oscar Wilde

  Wife, Too Much, Monogamy

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• I think weddings are sadder than funerals, because they remind you of your own wedding. You can't be reminded of your own funeral because it hasn't happened. But weddings always make me cry.

  Brendan Behan

  Thinking, Funeral, Cry

  Brendan Behan (2014). “Behan Complete Plays”, p.252, Bloomsbury Publishing

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• One's fantasy goes for a walk and returns with a bride.

  Bernard Malamud

  Return, Fantasy, Brides

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• God, I hope he dies the night before one of his kids get married.

  Jim Norton

  Kids, Night, Married

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• There once was an old man of Lyme who married three wives at a time when asked, 'Why a third?' he replied 'One's absurd! and bigamy, sir, is a crime!'

  William Cosmo Monkhouse

  Men, Wife, Three

  "There Once Was an Old Man of Lyme" l. 1 (date unknown)

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• In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

  Woody Allen

  Marriage, Funny Love, Best Love

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• One man's folly is another man's wife.

  Helen Rowland

  Funny, Marriage, Men

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• Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted the whole day.

  Mickey Rooney

  Funny, Marriage, Wedding

  "Philip French's screen legends" by Philip French, www.theguardian.com. May 15, 2010.

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• In olden times sacrifices were made at the altar - a practice which is still continued.

  Helen Rowland

  Funny, Marriage, Sacrifice

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• When a man makes a woman his wife it's the highest compliment he can pay her – and usually it's the last.

  Helen Rowland

  Men, Wife, Literature

  "Reflections of a Bachelor Girl".

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