Funny Marriage Quotes - Page 6

• The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

  Herbert V. Prochnow

  Love, Funny, Relationship

  Herbert V. Prochnow (1994). “1000 Stories and Illustrations for All Occasions”, Baker Publishing Group

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• I do wanna get married. It just sounds great. You get to go grocery shopping together, rent videos, and the kissing and the hugging and the kissing and the hugging under the cozy covers. Mmmm! But sometimes I worry that I don't wanna get married as much as I want to get dipped in a vat of warm, rising bread dough. That might feel pretty good, too.

  Maria Bamford

  Relationship, Kissing, Shopping

  "Comedy Central Presents (Maria Bamford)". TV Series, July 2, 2001.

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• Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.

  Milton Berle

  Life, Sex, Wife

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• Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight.

  Georg C. Lichtenberg

  Funny, Marriage, Witty

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• Never get married in the morning, because you never know who you'll meet that night.

  Paul Hornung

  Funny, Marriage, Wedding

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• Rich bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others.

  Oscar Wilde

  Happiness, Marriage, Men

  Oscar Wilde (2007). “Epigrams of Oscar Wilde”, p.11, Wordsworth Editions

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• Professional marriage counselors agree that the most productive and mature way to deal with marital anger is to stomp dramatically from the room. You want to make your move before the opponent does, because the first person to stomp from the room receives valuable Argument Points that can be redeemed for exciting merchandise at the Marital Prize Redemption Center.

  Dave Barry

  Moving, Doe, Redemption

  Dave Barry (2010). “Dave Barry Talks Back”, p.208, Crown Archetype

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• Everything comes to us from others. To Be is to belong to someone.

  Jean-Paul Sartre

  Love, True Love, One Love

  Jean-Paul Sartre (2012). “Saint Genet: Actor and Martyr”, p.6, U of Minnesota Press

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• Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.

  Joan Rivers

  Funny, Life, Witty

  "Joan Rivers obituary" by Michael Carlson, www.theguardian.com. September 04, 2014.

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• Bridge is a game that separates the men from the boys. It also separates husbands and wives.

  George Burns

  Funny, Husband, Boys

  George Burns, Hal Goldman (1992). “Wisdom of the 90s”, Perigee Books

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• One good husband is worth two good wives, for the scarcer things are, the more they are valued.

  Benjamin Franklin

  Love, Anniversary, Thank You

  Benjamin Franklin (2008). “The Way to Wealth and Poor Richard's Almanac”, Nayika Publishing

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• I'm going to get married again because I'm more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.

  Wendy Liebman

  Kitchen, Needs, Stuff

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• The older I get, the less time I want to spend with the part of the human race that didn't marry me.

  Robert Breault

  Marriage, Race, Want

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• To keep the fire burning brightly there's one easy rule: Keep the two logs together, near enough to keep each other warm and far enough apart - about a finger's breadth - for breathing room. Good fire, good marriage, same rule.

  Marnie Reed Crowell

  Love, Marriage, Fire

  Marnie Reed Crowell (1973). “Greener pastures”

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• There comes a time when a man and woman realize that their separate schemes can be better achieved as a conspiracy.

  Robert Breault

  Love, Family, Marriage

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• I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn't.

  Patrick Murray

  Love, Funny, Marriage

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• Women hope men will change after marriage but they don't; men hope women won't change but they do.

  Bettina Arndt

  Love, Marriage, Wedding

  Arndt, Bettina, Bettina Arndt (2009). “The Sex Diaries: Why Women Go Off Sex And Other Bedroom Battles”, p.60, Melbourne Univ. Publishing

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• The best thing to ever happen to marriage is the pause-live-TV button.

  Rick Reilly

  Buttons, Tvs, Best Things

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• Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.

  Francois de La Rochefoucauld

  Funny, Marriage, Witty

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• Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Marriage, Couple

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• Staying married may have long-term benefits. You can elicit much more sympathy from friends over a bad marriage than you ever can from a good divorce.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Marriage, Sympathy, Divorce

  P. J. O'Rourke (2007). “Modern Manners: An Etiquette Book for Rude People”, p.122, Grove/Atlantic, Inc.

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• Pray for the love which allows you to see the good in your companion. Pray for the love that makes weaknesses and mistakes seem small. Pray for the love to make your companion's joy your own. Pray for the love to want to lessen the load and soften the sorrows of your companion

  Henry B. Eyring

  Love, Family, Marriage

  FaceBook post by Henry B Eyring from Sep 16, 2015

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• Marriage is sanctified when it is cherished and honored in holiness. That union is not merely between husband and wife; it embraces a partnership with God.

  Russell M. Nelson

  Husband, Wife, Unions

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• The only duration of family life that satisfies the loftiest longings of the human soul is forever.

  Russell M. Nelson

  Forever, Soul, Duration

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• I believe our differences are the little pinches of salt that can make the marriage seem more flavorful.

  James E. Faust

  Believe, Differences, Littles

  "Enriching Your Marriage". James E. Faust's First Presidency message, www.lds.org. April 2007.

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