Funny Wedding Quotes

• We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Life, Marriage

  "The Haunted Smile: The Story of Jewish Comedians in America". Book by Lawrence J. Epstein, 2001.

  33 Copy quote

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• A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

  Milton Berle

  Love, Marriage, Husband

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  62 Copy quote

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• When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

  Nora Ephron

  Love, Life, Relationship

  Nora Ephron (2011). “When Harry Met Sally. . .”, p.97, Knopf

  126 Copy quote

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• Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.

  Ogden Nash

  Inspirational, Life, Marriage

  Ogden Nash, “A Word To Husbands”

  73 Copy quote

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• Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

  Joey Adams

  Funny, Marriage, Witty

  Joey Adams (1957). “Cindy and I: The Real Life Adventures of Mr. and Mrs. Joey Adams”

  27 Copy quote

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• The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

  Herbert V. Prochnow

  Love, Funny, Relationship

  Herbert V. Prochnow (1994). “1000 Stories and Illustrations for All Occasions”, Baker Publishing Group

  34 Copy quote

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• 

  We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness — and call it love — true love.

  Robert Fulghum

  Love, Funny, Life

  "True Love". Book by Robert Fulghum, 1997.

  886 Copy quote

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• Behind every great man there is a surprised woman.

  Maryon Pearson

  Marriage, Sarcastic, Wedding

  49 Copy quote

• I have learned that only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy. First, let her think she's having her own way. And second, let her have it.

  Lyndon B. Johnson

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

  120 Copy quote

• When a girl marries she exchanges the attentions of many men for the inattention of one.

  Helen Rowland

  Funny, Marriage, Girl

  Quoted in Evan Esar, The Dictionary of Humorous Quotations (1949)

  35 Copy quote

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• When a man opens a car door for his wife, it's either a new car or a new wife.

  Prince Philip

  Inspirational, Funny, Marriage

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  1569 Copy quote

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• Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Relationship, Anniversary

  90 Copy quote

• One advantage of marriage is that, when you fall out of love with him or he falls out of love with you, it keeps you together until you fall in again.

  Judith Viorst

  Love, Marriage, Funny Valentines Day

  Judith Viorst (1987). “Love and Guilt and the Meaning of Life, Etc.”, Fireside

  54 Copy quote

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• Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married?

  Barbra Streisand

  Inspirational, Funny, Success

  15 Copy quote

• Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.

  Erma Bombeck

  Love, Marriage, Funny Relationship

  22 Copy quote

• It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married.

  Robert Frost

  Marriage, Funny Love, Wedding

  26 Copy quote

• you know... there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time.... husband!!!

  Bill Maher

  Husband, Names, People

  6 Copy quote

• A wedding is like a funeral, but with musicians.

  Patrick Dempsey

  Funeral, Musician

  15 Copy quote

• Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted the whole day.

  Mickey Rooney

  Funny, Marriage, Wedding

  "Philip French's screen legends" by Philip French, www.theguardian.com. May 15, 2010.

  16 Copy quote

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• I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Funny, Marriage, Hilarious

  68 Copy quote

• Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too.

  H. L. Mencken

  Funny, Anniversary, Marriage

  H.L. Mencken “A little book in C major”, Рипол Классик

  26 Copy quote

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• The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing - and then marry him.

  Cher

  Love, Life, Relationship

  35 Copy quote

• A legal or religious ceremony by which two persons of the opposite sex solemnly agree to harass and spy on each other... until death do them join.

  Elbert Hubbard

  Religious, Sex, Opposites

  Elbert Hubbard, Bert Hubbard (1923). “Selected writings of Elbert Hubbard: his mintage of wisdom, coined from a life of love, laughter and work”

  7 Copy quote

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• Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house.

  Jean Kerr

  Love, Marriage, Wedding

  Jean Kerr (1962). “The Snake Has all the Lines”

  26 Copy quote

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  There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage.

  Martin Luther

  Love, Friendship, Relationship

  "Table Talk" by Martin Luther, (p. 292), 1569.

  105 Copy quote

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