Funny Marriage Quotes - Page 10

• One good yardstick as to whether a person might be the right one for you is this: in her presence, do you think your noblest thoughts, do you aspire to your finest deeds, do you wish you were better than you are?

  Ezra Taft Benson

  Thinking, Wish, Deeds

  Ezra Taft Benson (1988). “The Teachings of Ezra Taft Benson”, Bookcraft Pubs

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• How many husbands have I had? You mean apart from my own?

  Zsa Zsa Gabor

  Marriage, Art, Husband

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• We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

  Henny Youngman

  Funny, Life, Marriage

  "The Haunted Smile: The Story of Jewish Comedians in America". Book by Lawrence J. Epstein, 2001.

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• Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly.

  Voltaire

  Marriage, Humorous, Being Single

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• Nice people don't necessarily fall in love with nice people.

  Jonathan Franzen

  Funny, Witty, Falling In Love

  "Freedom". Book by Jonathan Franzen, 2010.

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• When we first got married, we made a pact. It was this: In our life together, it was decided I would make all of the big decisions and my wife would make all of the little decisions. For fifty years, we have held true to that agreement. I believe that is the reason for the success in our marriage. However, the strange thing is that in fifty years, there hasn’t been one big decision.

  Albert Einstein

  Believe, Agreement, Years

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• When people tell me they've learned from experience, I tell them the trick is to learn from other people's experience.

  Warren Buffett

  Love, Marriage, People

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• The triumph of hope over experience.

  Samuel Johnson

  Marriage, Funny Love, Hope

  Quoted in James Boswell, The Life of Samuel Johnson (1791) (entry for 1770)

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• Love like there's no tomorrow, and if tomorrow comes, love again.

  Max Lucado

  Marriage, Tomorrow, Ifs

  Max Lucado (2012). “Great Day Every Day: Navigating Life's Challenges with Promise and Purpose”, Thomas Nelson Inc

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• More marriages might survive if the partners realized that sometimes the better comes after the worse.

  Doug Larson

  Love, Relationship, Anniversary

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• Misery acquaints a man with strange bedfellows.

  William Shakespeare

  Funny, Depression, Husband

  'The Tempest' (1611) act 2, sc. 2, l. [42]

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• And no bathroom on earth will make up for marrying a bearded man you hate.

  Dodie Smith

  Hate, Men, Earth

  Dodie Smith (2017). “I Capture the Castle: Young Adult Edition”, p.149, St. Martin's Griffin

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• If he's getting married, he's not longer interesting.

  Sidonie Gabrielle Colette

  Men, Interesting, Married

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• Never forget the nine most important words of any family- I love you. You are beautiful. Please forgive me.

  H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

  Beautiful, Forgiveness, Sorry

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• When I said I would die a bachelor, I did not think I should live till I were married.

  William Shakespeare

  Marriage, Thinking, Married

  'Much Ado About Nothing' (1598-9) act 2, sc. 3, l. [262]

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• Marriage is not a process for prolonging the life of love, sir. It merely mummifies its corpse.

  P. G. Wodehouse

  Marriage, Process, Prolonging

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• I believe it was Shakespeare, or possibly Howard Cosell, who first observed that marriage is very much like a birthday candle, in that 'the flames of passion burn brightest when the wick of intimacy is first ignited by the disposable butane lighter of physical attraction, but sooner or later the heat of familiarity causes the wax of boredom to drip all over the vanilla frosting of novelty and the shredded coconut of romance.' I could not have phrased it better myself.

  Dave Barry

  Believe, Passion, Flames

  Dave Barry (1994). “The World According to Dave Barry”, Outlet

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• Grow old along with me! The best is yet to be, the last of life, for which the first was made. Our times are in his hand who saith, 'A whole I planned, youth shows but half; Trust God: See all, nor be afraid!

  Robert Browning

  Inspirational, Life, Motivational

  "Rabbi Ben Ezra" l. 1 (1864)

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• All tragedies are finished by a death, All comedies are ended by a marriage.

  Lord Byron

  Tragedy, Comedy, Marriage Advice For Newlyweds

  'Don Juan' (1819-24) canto 3, st. 9

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• My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me, sniffing, then saying under their breath, "Married!" and walking away. Fabric Softeners are how our wives mark their territory. We can take off the ring, but it's hard to get that April fresh scent out of your clothes.

  Andy Rooney

  Clothes, Walking Away, Wife

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• If I get married again, I want a guy there with a drum to do rimshots during the vows.

  Sam Kinison

  Guy, Want, Married

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• I've been married to my wife for 60 years but it feels just like yesterday, and you know what a bloody awful day yesterday was.

  Frank Carson

  Feels Just, Yesterday, Years

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• Love conquers all things.

  Virgil

  Love, Inspirational, Valentine

  Eclogues no. 10, l. 69

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• I have a lot of friends who are getting married. I try to avoid talking to them about their sex lives now 'cause it's so depressing. One guy told me it had been six months since he had gotten to second base with his wife. Yeah, I don't know which one was more pathetic: that he used the phrase 'second base' or that he hadn't been there in six months?

  Ted Alexandro

  Depressing, Sex, Talking

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• Like good wine, marriage gets better with age - once you learn to keep a cork in it.

  Gene Perret

  Marriage, Funny Love, Wine

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