Mitch Hedberg Quotes About Hell

Quotes about: Hell

• As an adult, I'm not supposed to go down slides. So if I'm at the top of a slide, I have to pretend that I got there accidentally. "How the hell did I get up here? I guess I have to slide down. Whee!" That's what you say when you're having fun. You refer to yourself and some other people.

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Humor, People

• On a traffic light green means 'go' and yellow means 'yield', but on a banana it's just the opposite. Green means 'hold on,' yellow means 'go ahead,' and red means, 'where the hell did you get that banana at?'

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Humor, Mean

  "Strategic Grill Locations". Live Album by Mitch Hedberg, September 7, 1999.

• Has anyone seen me on Letterman? Two million people watch that show and I don't know where they are. You might have seen this next comedian on the Late Show, but I think more people have seen me at the store. That should be my introduction. "You might have seen this next comedian at the store," and people would say "Hell yes I have!"

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Humor, Thinking

• I was at a bar, and this guy bumped into me, and he did not apologize, and he said, "Move!" I thought that was rude, so I said, "Go to hell!" Then I started to run. He caught up to me. He had a mustache, a goatee, a pair of earrings, sunglasses, a ponytail and he was wearing a hat. He said, "Hey, you got a lot of nerve!" I said, "Hey, you got a lot of... cranium accessories!"

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Running, Moving

• I had a Velcro wallet in a casino. That sound annoyed the hell out of me. Whenever I lost money, and I opened the wallet, it was like the sound of my addiction.

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Humor, Addiction

• Hell, yeah! Meeting adjourned!

  Mitch Hedberg

  Hell, Yeah, Meetings

  "Mitch All Together". Live album by Mitch Hedberg, 2003.

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