Mitch Hedberg Quotes About Candy

Quotes about: Candy

• I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late.

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Humor, Glasses

• I get the Reese's candy bar. You look at that, there's an apostrophe-s there. That means the candy bar is his. I didn't know that. Next time you're eating a Reese's candy bar, and a guy named Reese comes by and says, "Gimme that", you better hand it over.

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Humor, Mean

• I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at the store, oftentimes I will drop it so that is achieves its maximum flavor potential.

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Fall, Humor

• The Kit Kat candy bar has the name Kit Kat imprinted into the chocolate. That robs you of chocolate! That's a clever chocolate-saving technique.

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Clever, Humor

  "Mitch All Together". Live Album by Mitch Hedberg, 2003.

• I like it when you reach into a vending machine to grab your candy bar, and that flap goes up to block you from reaching up? That's a good invention. Before that, it was hard times for the vending machine owners. "Yeah, what candy bar are you getting?" "That one, and every one on the bottom row!"

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Block, Humor

• Cavities are made by sugar. So if you need to dig a hole, then lay down some candy bars!

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Humor, Needs

• Advil has a candy coating. It's delicious. Then it says on the bottle, do not have more than two. Then why do they have a candy coating? I cannot help myself. Let me have ten Advil, I have a sweet tooth.

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Sweet, Humor

• A lollipop is a cross between hard candy and garbage.

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Humor, Lollipop

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