Mitch Hedberg Quotes About Home

Quotes about: Home

• I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down.

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Travel, Fall

  "Making Maps, Second Edition" by John Krygier, Denis Wood, The Guilford Press, (p. 58), 2011.

• I don't need a receipt for a doughnut. I'll just give you the money, and you give me the doughnut. End of transaction! We don't need to bring ink and paper into this! I can't imagine a scenario where I'd have to prove that I bought a doughnut. Some skeptical friend...'Don't even act like I didn't buy that doughnut! I've got the documentation right here! Oh, wait, it's back home, in the file. Under d...for doughnut.'

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Home, Humor

• I got a smoke alarm at home, but really it's more like a 9-volt-battery-slowly-drainer.

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Home, Humor

• They say the recipe for Sprite is lemon and lime. I tried to make it at home. There's more to it than that.

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Home, Humor

• I went to the Home Depot, which was unnecessary. I need to go to the Apartment Depot. Which is just a big warehouse with a whole lot of people standing around saying "We don't have to fix anything."

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Home, Humor

• I would not want to be a mobile home repo man. Those would be hard to sneak away - "Knock knock - Hi, would you go cut your grass and look that way for a half an hour?"

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Home, Humor

• I have a cheese-shredder at home, which is its positive name. They don't call it by its negative name, which is sponge-ruiner. Because I wanted to clean it, but now I have little bits of sponge that would melt easily over tortilla chips.

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Home, Humor

• I like cottage cheese. That's why I want to try other dwelling cheeses, too. How about studio apartment cheese? Tent cheese? Mobile home cheese? Do not eat mobile home cheese in a tornado.

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Home, Humor

• Knock on wood is a saying for good luck. I think that started when someone went to someone's door to see if someone was home. "I hope Joe's home, knock on wood!"

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Home, Humor

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