Mitch Hedberg Quotes About Drugs

Quotes about: Drugs

• I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too.

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Humor, Drug

• People associate long hair with drug use. I wish people associated long hair with something other than drug use, like an extreme longing for cake. And then strangers would see a long haired guy and say, "That guy eats cake!" "He is on bundt cake!" Mothers saying to their daughters, "Don't bring the cake eater over here anymore. He smells like flour. Did you see how excited he got when he found out your birthday was fast approaching?"

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Daughter, Mother

• I love my fed-ex guy cause he's a drug dealer and he don't even know it...and he's always on time.

  Mitch Hedberg

  Love, Funny, Humor

• A friend gave me a drug for attention deficit disorder, because he's afflicted, but I'm not. So what happened to me is I suddenly had an extra-long attention span. People would tell me a story, and it would end, and I'd get all mad. "Come on, man, there has to be more to that story."

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Humor, Men

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