Mitch Hedberg Quotes About Cars

Quotes about: Cars

• I think we should only get 3 honks a month on the car horn. Then, someone cuts you off, you press the horn, and nothing happens. You're like, "Crap! I wish I hadn't seen Ricky on the sidewalk!"

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Humor, Cutting

• I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Humor, Men

• I'm always on the road, and I drive rental cars. Sometimes I don't know what's going on with the car, and I'll drive for ten miles with the emergency brake on. That doesn't say a lot for me, but it doesn't say a lot for the emergency brake. What kind of emergency is this? I need to not stop now. It's not really an emergency brake, it's an emergency make-the-car-smell-funny lever.

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Humor, Smell

• If I was a mechanic and someone called me and said their car would not start, I would say, "Hey - maybe a killer is after you!"

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Humor, Car

• I rented a car. I didn't really need one, I just wanted to make one less available. I wanted one businessman on the bus with no car.

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Humor, Car

• I don't know how to fix a car. If the car breaks down, and the gas tank does not say "E", I'm screwed. But if the gas tank says "E", I get all cocky - "I've got this one, don't worry." So I get out the toolbox AKA wallet.

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Cocky, Humor

• I'm into carpooling, because sometimes my car gets hot and needs to refresh itself.

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Humor, Car

• I like when they say a movie is inspired by a true story. That's kind of silly. "Hey, Mitch, did you hear that story about that lady who drove her car into the lake with her kids and they all drowned?" "Yeah, I did, and you know what - that inspires me to write a movie about a gorilla!"

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Silly, Writing

• When I was on acid, I would see things like beams of light and I would hear sounds that sounded an awful lot like car horns.

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Humor, Light

• I have an underwater camera just in case I crash my car into a river, and at the last minute I see a photo opportunity of a fish that I have never seen.

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Humor, Opportunity

• I want to be a race car passenger: just a guy who bugs the driver. Say man, can I turn on the radio? You should slow down. Why do we gotta keep going in circles? Can I put my feet out the window? Man, you really like Tide.

  Mitch Hedberg

  Funny, Humor, Men

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