Stephen Colbert Quotes About Today

Quotes about: Today

• Today, folks, should be all about love. Unless you're old.

  Stephen Colbert

  Funny Valentines Day, Today, Should

• Global warming isn't real because I was cold today! Also great news: world hunger is over because I just ate.

  Stephen Colbert

  Real, News, World

  Twitter post from Nov 19, 2014

• If it's called THE USA Today, why is all the news from yesterday?

  Stephen Colbert

  Usa, Yesterday, News

  TV Series "The Colbert Report" (Season 4, 2008), 2005–2015.

• I don't trust books. They're all fact, no heart. And that's exactly what's pulling our country apart today. Because face it, folks, we are a divided nation. Not between Democrats or Republicans, or conservatives and liberals, or tops and bottoms. No, we are divided by those who think with their head, and those who know with their heart.

  Stephen Colbert

  Country, Book, Heart

  "Happy Anniversary, Stephen Colbert" by Rachel Sklar, www.huffingtonpost.com. October 16, 2006.

• The greatest threat facing American today - next to voter fraud, the Western Pinebark beetle, and the memory foam mattress - is the national news media.

  Stephen Colbert

  Memories, Media, Foam

• I began my day as I often begin my days, by checking Donald Trump's Twitter feed to see how far the crazy has spread. And today, I really think he's off his meds, because today he went from crazy to cruel.

  Stephen Colbert

  Crazy, Thinking, Today

  Source: www.washingtonpost.com

• Even the weather page is in a state of moral decay. What?s wrong with red, white and blue, USA Today? This rainbow weather map is just another example of the homometerological agenda.

  Stephen Colbert

  Blue, Weather, Usa

• Forgot to live-tweet the election last night, so I'm post-tweeting today. I'll start as soon as my fingers unclench from their rage fists.

  Stephen Colbert

  Night, Fists, Today

  Twitter post from Nov 08, 2012

• Last night, we did the Threatdown -- God, it's hard to even talk about this -- and for the first time, I didn't mention bears. It's winter, they're asleep, I didn't think it would be a problem. But today I see this in the Toronto Globe and Mail -- apparently a 700-pound polar bear showed up at a children's hockey game. I've said this before, they're after our kids -- they're tender, juicy, you don't even have to throw away the bones.

  Stephen Colbert

  Children, Kids, Hockey

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