Stephen Colbert Funny Quotes

Quotes about: Funny

• The lead singer of Creed says he won’t endorse President Obama. Well that settles it -- Obama will not win the 1998 presidential election.

  Stephen Colbert

  Funny, Sarcastic, Sarcasm

• Now, I don't see color. People tell me I'm white and I believe them because police officers call me 'sir'.

  Stephen Colbert

  Funny, Believe, Color

  "The Colbert Report", Season 3. Comedy, News, Talk-Show, 2007.

• Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

  Stephen Colbert

  Funny, Trust, Children

• There's nothing American tourists like more than the things they can get at home.

  Stephen Colbert

  Funny, Travel, Home

• They said you can't go to the moon. They said you can't put cheese inside a pizza crust, but NASA did it. They had to, because the cheese kept floating off in space.

  Stephen Colbert

  Funny, Moon, Space

  "Super PAC Satire: Colbert Explains (Faux) Presidential Run to ABC News". abcnews.go.com. January 15, 2012.

• You see, we're America the Beautiful, not America 'Well, At Least She Has a Great Personality'.

  Stephen Colbert

  Funny, Beautiful, America

  TV Series "The Colbert Report", 2005–2015.

• I've always been a big fan of beauty. Sure, you can't judge a book by its cover but who wants to have sex with a book?

  Stephen Colbert

  Funny, Sex, Book

  "The Colbert Report", Season 3. Comedy, News, Talk-Show, 2007.

• Asia: Four little letters, three billion little people.

  Stephen Colbert

  Funny, People, Three

• Jesus forgives sinners, not criminals.

  Stephen Colbert

  Funny, Jesus, Forgiving

• On this show, your voice will be heard in the form of my voice.

  Stephen Colbert

  Funny, Voice, Form

  "A Tribute To Stephen Colbert, A Self-Proclaimed "Junkie For Exhaustion". "Fresh Air" with Terry Gross, www.npr.org. December 18, 2014.

• Every night on my show, The Colbert Report, I speak straight from the gut, okay? I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it "The No Fact Zone.

  Stephen Colbert

  Funny, Night, People

  "Salad days for satire". "Future Tense" with Antony Funnell, www.abc.net.au. February 8, 2015.

• Naturally the U.S. trails in gold medals because every time we win one, we hand it over to the Chinese to pay off our debt.

  Stephen Colbert

  Funny, Winning, London Olympics

• Well China, you got us. Phelps was doping - and he still beat you. He smoked the sticky-icky, and then he smoked your ass!

  Stephen Colbert

  Funny, London Olympics, Ass

• Democrats lead in all the polls by at least ten points, except one.. Fox News. That is with a margin of error of plus or minus the facts.

  Stephen Colbert

  Funny, Business, Errors

• I hold a little fundraiser every day. Its called going to work.

  Stephen Colbert

  Funny, Work, Littles

• To sit here at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush...I feel like I'm dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You now what, I'm a pretty sound sleeper, that may not be enough...Somebody shoot me in the face.

  Stephen Colbert

  Funny, Dream, Hero

• There's nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends who are going to hell.

  Stephen Colbert

  Funny, Gay, Hell

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