Mark Twain Quotes About Atheism

• But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?

  Mark Twain

  Funny, Sympathy, Spiritual

  Mark Twain (2012). “Autobiographical Writings”, p.338, Penguin

• The gods offer no rewards for intellect. There was never one yet that showed any interest in it.

  Mark Twain

  God, Religion, Atheism

  Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.207, Courier Corporation

• I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.

  Mark Twain

  Inspirational, Death, Sarcastic

• Stripping away the irrational, the illogical, and the impossible, I am left with atheism. I can live with that.

  Mark Twain

  Religion, Atheism, Impossible

• It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.

  Mark Twain

  Death, Religious, Atheist

  Mark Twain (2014). “Mark Twain on Common Sense: Timeless Advice and Words of Wisdom from America's Most-Revered Humorist”, p.31, Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.

• I was dead for millions of years before I was born and it never inconvenienced me a bit.

  Mark Twain

  Death, Suicide, Religious

• Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand.

  Mark Twain

  Book, Biblical, Beer

• The Bible has noble poetry in it... and some good morals and a wealth of obscenity, and upwards of a thousand lies.

  Mark Twain

  Inspirational, Life, Atheist

  "Letters from the Earth" (1940)

• Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.

  Mark Twain

  Atheist, Prayer, Book

• It was the schoolboy who said, ""Faith is believing what you know ain't so.""

  Mark Twain

  Faith, Atheist, Believe

  Following the Equator ch. 12, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar" (1897)

• But who prays for Satan? Who in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most, our one fellow and brother who most needed a friend yet had not a single one, the one sinner among us all who had the highest and clearest right to every Christian's daily and nightly prayers, for the plain and unassailable reason that his was the first and greatest need, he being among sinners the supremest?

  Mark Twain

  Christian, Brother, Prayer

  Mark Twain (1960). “The autobiography of Mark Twain: including chapters now published for the first time”

• If the man doesn't believe as we do, we say he is a crank, and that settles it. I mean, it does nowadays, because now we can't burn him.

  Mark Twain

  Truth, Believe, Mean

  Mark Twain (2015). “Following the Equator: Mark Twain's Collections”, p.470, 谷月社

• Nothing agrees with me. If I drink coffee, it gives me dyspepsia; if I drink wine, it gives me the gout; if I go to church, it gives me dysentery.

  Mark Twain

  Coffee, Wine, Giving

• Strange a God who mouths Golden Rules and forgiveness, then invented hell; who mouths morals to other people and has none Himself; who frowns upon crimes yet commits them all; who created man without invitation, then tries to shuffle the responsibility for man's acts upon man, instead of honorably placing it where it belongs, upon Himself; and finally with altogether divine obtuseness, invites this poor, abused slave to worship Him!

  Mark Twain

  Atheist, Responsibility, Men

• A man is accepted into a church for what he believes and he is turned out for what he knows.

  Mark Twain

  Religious, Atheist, Believe

  Mark Twain (2015). “Bite-Size Twain: Wit and Wisdom from the Literary Legend”, p.55, St. Martin's Press

• The so-called Christian nations are the most enlightened and progressive ... but in spite of their religion, not because of it. The Church has opposed every innovation and discovery from the day of Galileo down to our own time, when the use of anesthetic in childbirth was regarded as a sin because it avoided the biblical curse pronounced against Eve. And every step in astronomy and geology ever taken has been opposed by bigotry and superstition. The Greeks surpassed us in artistic culture and in architecture five hundred years before Christian religion was born.

  Mark Twain

  Christian, Taken, Biblical

• In God We Trust. I don't believe it would sound any better if it were true.

  Mark Twain

  Atheist, Believe, Religion

  Mark Twain (2012). “The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain: A Book of Quotations”, p.27, Courier Corporation

• To trust the God of the Bible is to trust an irascible, vindictive, fierce and ever fickle and changeful master.

  Mark Twain

  Religion, Atheism, Fickle

  Mark Twain, Howard G. Baetzhold, Joseph B. Mccullough (1996). “The Bible According to Mark Twain”, p.317, Simon and Schuster

• What God lacks is convictions- stability of character. He ought to be a Presbyterian or a Catholic or something- not try to be everything.

  Mark Twain

  God, Atheist, Character

  Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.69, Courier Corporation

• If Christ were here now there is one thing he would not be — a Christian.

  Mark Twain

  Christian, Religious, Religion

  "Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations".

• The church is always trying to get other people to reform, it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little, by way of example

  Mark Twain

  Religious, Ideas, Always Trying

  Mark Twain (2016). “A Tramp Abroad”, p.241, Xist Publishing

• There is no other life; life itself is only a vision and a dream for nothing exists but space and you. If there was an all-powerful God, he would have made all good, and no bad.

  Mark Twain

  Dream, Powerful, Fear

• Mine was a trained Presbyterian conscience and knew but the one duty - to hunt and harry its slave upon all pretexts and on all occasions, particularly when there was no sense nor reason in it.

  Mark Twain

  Atheism, Slave, Reason

  Mark Twain (2010). “Autobiography of Mark Twain, Volume 1: The Complete and Authoritative Edition”, p.158, Univ of California Press

• Religion consists in a set of things which the average man thinks he believes and wishes he was certain of.

  Mark Twain

  Atheist, Believe, Men

  Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.402, Courier Corporation

• Ignorance is not not knowin' - Ignorance is knowin' what ain't so.

  Mark Twain

  Ignorance, Religion, Atheism

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