Mark Twain Quotes About Animals

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  The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven not man's.

  Mark Twain

  Dog, Men, Animal

  Mark Twain, William Dean Howells (1960). “Mark Twain-Howells Letters: The Correspondence of Samuel L. Clemens and William D. Howells, 1872-1910”, Belknap Press

• If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.

  Mark Twain

  Funny, Inspiring, Thankful

  Pudd'nhead Wilson ch. 16, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar" (1894)
• 

  If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much.

  Mark Twain

  Dog, Cat, Animal

• The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog.

  Mark Twain

  Love, Inspirational, Life
• 

  Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.

  Mark Twain

  Funny, Cute, God

  Mark Twain (2013). “Delphi Complete Works of Mark Twain (Illustrated)”, p.9262, Delphi Classics

• Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to.

  Mark Twain

  Integrity, Animal, Men

  Following the Equator (1897) ch. 27

• Man is a Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion--several of them. He is the only animal that loves his neighbor as himself and cuts his throat if his theology isn't straight. He has made a graveyard of the globe in trying his honest best to smooth his brother's path to happiness and heaven....The higher animals have no religion. And we are told that they are going to be left out in the Hereafter. I wonder why? It seems questionable taste.

  Mark Twain

  Religious, Brother, Cutting

  "Man's Place in the Animal World" (ca. 1896)

• The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to the other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creatures that cannot.

  Mark Twain

  Recovery, Animal, Intelligent

  Mark Twain (2009). “Mark Twain’s Book of Animals”, p.264, Univ of California Press

• It is just like man's vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions. Heaven is by favor; if it were by merit your dog would go in and you would stay out. Of all the creatures ever made he (man) is the most detestable. Of the entire brood, he is the only one...that possesses malice. He is the only creature that inflicts pain for sport, knowing it to be pain. The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to the other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creature that cannot.

  Mark Twain

  Sports, Dog, Pain

• I am not interested to know whether vivisection produces results that are profitable to the human race or doesn't...The pain which it inflicts upon unconsenting animals is the basis of my enmity toward it, and it is to me sufficient justification of the enmity without looking further.

  Mark Twain

  Pain, Animal, Vegetarianism

• It is just like man's vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions.

  Mark Twain

  Nature, Animal, Men

  Mark Twain (2009). “Mark Twain’s Book of Animals”, p.304, Univ of California Press

• We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it and stop there lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove lid again and that is well but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore.

  Mark Twain

  Inspirational, Wisdom, Philosophical

  Following the Equator ch. 11, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar" (1897)

• One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives.

  Mark Twain

  Funny, Life, Witty

  Pudd'nhead Wilson ch. 7, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar" (1894)

• Man is a Religious Animal. He is the only Religious Animal. He is the only animal that has the True Religion - several of them.

  Mark Twain

  Religious, Atheist, Animal

  "The Lowest Animal" (1940)

• Man is the only animal that deals in that atrocity of atrocities War. He is the only one that gathers his brethren about him and goes forth in cold blood and calm pulse to exterminate his kind. He is the only animal that for sordid wages will march out... and help to slaughter strangers of his own species who have done him no harm and with whom he has no quarrel.... And in the intervals between campaigns he washes the blood off his hands and works for the universal brotherhood of man with his mouth.

  Mark Twain

  Peace, War, Passion

• Of all the animals, man is the only one that is cruel. He is the only one that inflicts pain for the pleasure of doing it.

  Mark Twain

  Life, Pain, Animal

  Mark Twain (1973). “What Is Man? and Other Philosophical Writings”, p.84, Univ of California Press

• Of all the animals, man is the only one that lies.

  Mark Twain

  Honesty, Lying, Animal

• Man is the Reasoning Animal. Such is the claim. I think it is open to dispute. Indeed, my experiments have proven to me that he is the Unreasoning Animal... In truth, man is incurably foolish. Simple things which the other animals easily learn, he is incapable of learning. Among my experiments was this. In an hour I taught a cat and a dog to be friends. I put them in a cage. In another hour I taught them to be friends with a rabbit. In the course of two days I was able to add a fox, a goose, a squirrel and some doves. Finally a monkey. They lived together in peace; even affectionately.

  Mark Twain

  Dog, Cat, Simple

  "Mark Twain’s Book of Animals".

• Man is the only slave. And he is the only animal who enslaves. He has always been a slave in one form or another, and has always held other slaves in bondage under him in one way or another. In our day, he is always some man's slave for wages, and does that man's work; and this slave has other slaves under him for minor wages, and they do his work. The higher animals are the only ones who exclusively do their own work and provide their own living.

  Mark Twain

  Animal, Men, Doe

  Mark Twain (1973). “What Is Man? and Other Philosophical Writings”, p.84, Univ of California Press

• I have been studying the traits and dispositions of the "lower animals" (so called) and contrasting them with the traits and dispositions of man. I find the result humiliating to me.

  Mark Twain

  Dog, Animal, Men

  Mark Twain (1973). “What Is Man? and Other Philosophical Writings”, p.81, Univ of California Press

• There is no character, howsoever good and fine, but it can be destroyed by ridicule, howsoever poor and witless. Observe the ass, for instance: his character is about perfect, he is the choicest spirit among all the humbler animals, yet see what ridicule has brought him to. Instead of feeling complimented when we are called an ass, we are left in doubt.

  Mark Twain

  Character, Animal, Perfect

  Pudd'nhead Wilson "A Whisper to the Reader," "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar" (1894)

• Man is the only religious animal. In the Holy task of smoothing his brother's path to the happiness of heaven, he has turned the globe into a graveyard.

  Mark Twain

  Religious, Brother, Animal

• You believe in a book that has talking animals, wizards, witches, demons, sticks turning into snakes, burning bushes, food falling from the sky, people walking on water, and all sorts of magical, absurd and primitive stories, and you say that we are the ones that need help?

  Mark Twain

  Inspirational, Motivational, Atheist

• If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.

  Mark Twain

  Nature, Inspiration, Learning

• Indecency, vulgarity, obscenity - these are strictly confined to man; he invented them. Among the higher animals there is no trace of them. They hide nothing. They are not ashamed.

  Mark Twain

  Animal, Men, Obscenity

  Mark Twain (2009). “Mark Twain’s Book of Animals”, p.119, Univ of California Press

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