Mark Twain Quotes About God

• The gods offer no rewards for intellect. There was never one yet that showed any interest in it.

  Mark Twain

  God, Religion, Atheism

  Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.207, Courier Corporation
• 

  Heaven goes by favor. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in.

  Mark Twain

  Funny, Cute, God

  Mark Twain (2013). “Delphi Complete Works of Mark Twain (Illustrated)”, p.9262, Delphi Classics

• God created war so that Americans would learn geography.

  Mark Twain

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

• Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.

  Mark Twain

  Funny, Life, God

  Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.69, Courier Corporation

• In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.

  Mark Twain

  Funny, Life, Graduation

  Mark Twain (2015). “Bite-Size Twain: Wit and Wisdom from the Literary Legend”, p.26, St. Martin's Press

• What God lacks is convictions- stability of character. He ought to be a Presbyterian or a Catholic or something- not try to be everything.

  Mark Twain

  God, Atheist, Character

  Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.69, Courier Corporation

• Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.

  Mark Twain

  God, Educational, Tired

  Notebook, 1903

• The Church worked hard at it night and day during nine centuries and imprisoned, tortured, hanged, and burned whole hordes and armies of witches, and washed the Christian world clean with their foul blood. Then it was discovered that there was no such thing as witches, and never had been. One doesn't know whether to laugh or to cry. Who discovered that there was no such thing as a witch - the priest, the parson? No, these never discover anything.

  Mark Twain

  God, Christian, Army

  "Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations".

• Public opinion is held in reverence. It settles everything. Some think it is the voice of God.

  Mark Twain

  God, Thinking, Voice

  Mark Twain (2015). “Bite-Size Twain: Wit and Wisdom from the Literary Legend”, p.44, St. Martin's Press

• I have a religion-but you will call it blasphemy. It is that there is a God for the rich man but none for the poor.....Perhaps your religion will sustain you,will feed you-I place no dependence in mine. Our religions are alike, though, in one respect-neither can make a man happy when he is out of luck.

  Mark Twain

  Happiness, Happy, God

  Mark Twain (2016). “The Wit and Wisdom of Mark Twain”, p.182, Chartwell

• Now I can only pray that there may be a God -- and a heaven -- or something better.

  Mark Twain

  God, Heaven, May

  Mark Twain (1924). “Mark Twain's Own Autobiography: The Chapters from the North American Review”, p.29, Univ of Wisconsin Press

• God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.

  Mark Twain

  God, Sarcastic, Education

  Mark Twain (2014). “Mark Twain on Common Sense: Timeless Advice and Words of Wisdom from America's Most-Revered Humorist”, p.15, Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.

• The motto stated a lie. If this nation has ever trusted in God, that time has gone by; for nearly half a century almost its entire trust has been in the Republican party and the dollar--mainly the dollar. I recognize that I am only making an assertion and furnishing no proof; I am sorry, but this is a habit of mine; sorry also that I am not alone in it; everybody seems to have this disease.

  Mark Twain

  God, Sorry, Lying

  Mark Twain (2016). “Mark Twain in Eruption (Abridged, Annotated)”, p.37, BIG BYTE BOOKS

• None of us can be as great as God, but any of us can be as good.

  Mark Twain

  God, Good God

  Mark Twain (194?). “Mark Twain's notebook”

• All gods are better than their reputation.

  Mark Twain

  God, Novelists, Reputation

• More than once I have been humiliated by my resemblance to God the father; He is always longing for the love of His children and trying to get it on the cheapest and laziest terms He can invent.

  Mark Twain

  God, Children, Father

• God, so atrocious in the Old Testament, so attractive in the New--the Jekyl and Hyde of sacred romance.

  Mark Twain

  God, Romance, Sacred

  Mark Twain, Albert Bigelow Paine (1971). “Mark Twain's notebook”, Scholarly Pr

• Man proposes, but God blocks the game.

  Mark Twain

  God, Block, Men

  Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.153, Courier Corporation

• God pours out love upon all with a lavish hand -- but He reserves vengeance for His very own.

  Mark Twain

  God, Hands, Vengeance

  Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.153, Courier Corporation

• If God is what people say there can be no one in the universe so unhappy as He; for He sees unceasingly myriads of His creatures suffering unspeakable miseries--and besides this foresees how they are going to suffer during the remainder of their lives. One might as well say, "As unhappy as God."

  Mark Twain

  God, People, Suffering

  Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.153, Courier Corporation

• It is the will of God that we must have critics and missionaries and congressmen and humorists, and we must bear the burden

  Mark Twain

  God, Bears, Burden

  Mark Twain, Harriet Elinor Smith (2012). “Autobiography of Mark Twain: Reader's Edition”, p.201, Univ of California Press

• God puts something good and loveable in every man His hands create.

  Mark Twain

  God, Men, Hands

• We grant God the possession of all the qualities of mind except the one that keeps the others healthy; that watches over their dignity; that focuses their vision true--humor.

  Mark Twain

  God, Healthy, Mind

  Mark Twain, William M. Gibson (1969). “Mark Twain's Mysterious Stranger Manuscripts”, p.26, Univ of California Press

• No man that has ever lived has done a thing to please God--primarily. It was done to please himself, then God next.

  Mark Twain

  God, Men, Done

  Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.153, Courier Corporation

• Leaving out the gamblers, the burglars, and the plumbers, perhaps we do put our trust in God after a fashion. But, after all, it is an overstatement. If the cholera or black plague should come to these shores, perhaps the bulk of the nation would pray to be delivered from it, but the rest would put their trust in The Health Board.

  Mark Twain

  God, Fashion, Leaving

  Mark Twain (2016). “Mark Twain's Speeches”, p.95, Xist Publishing

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