Milton Berle Quotes About Wife

Quotes about: Wife

• Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases.

  Milton Berle

  Marriage, Men, Wife

• A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

  Milton Berle

  Love, Marriage, Husband

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

• My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I don't try to run her life, and I don't try to run mine.

  Milton Berle

  Marriage, Running, Perfect

• My wife sent me a Valentine card that said, "Take my heart, take my lips, take my soul." That's just like her. She kept the good parts for herself.

  Milton Berle

  Valentine, Heart, Wife

• All my wife wanted for Valentine's Day was a little card - American Express.

  Milton Berle

  Valentine, Wife, Cards

• My wife calls our waterbed the Dead Sea.

  Milton Berle

  Sea, Wife, My Wife

• Your marriage is in trouble if your wife says, 'You're only interested in one thing,' and you can't remember what it is.

  Milton Berle

  Life, Sex, Funny Marriage

• My wife wants something foreign for Christmas - like a Mexican divorce.

  Milton Berle

  Christmas, Divorce, Want Something

• Valentine's Day - a nice holiday because it's the first day of the rest of your wife.

  Milton Berle

  Nice, Valentine, Holiday

• One of those Christmas songs says, "You better not shout, you better not cry, you better not pout." How's my wife going to get along?

  Milton Berle

  Christmas, Song, Wife

• I bought a Christmas tree for twenty dollars. When I came home the next day, my wife was wearing it in her hair.

  Milton Berle

  Christmas, Home, Hair

• This man's wife told him, "For Christmas, surprise me." On Christmas Eve he leaned over where she was sleeping and said, "Boo!"

  Milton Berle

  Christmas, Sleep, Men

• I gave my wife a gift certificate for Christmas. She ran out to exchange it for a bigger size.

  Milton Berle

  Christmas, Wife, Size

• I gave my wife a twenty-five-dollar gift certificate. She used it as a down payment on a mink coat.

  Milton Berle

  Christmas, Wife, Twenties

• I made a terrible mistake last Christmas. My wife made me swear that I wouldn't give her a fancy gift. And I didn't.

  Milton Berle

  Christmas, Mistake, Giving

• I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.

  Milton Berle

  Valentine, Doors, Wife

• My wife and I were shopping for the whole family. In the music department my wife said, "Let's get your nephew a set of drums. That's what your brother did to us last year."

  Milton Berle

  Christmas, Brother, Years

• My wife is a real Puritan. She thinks licking the stamp on the envelope of a Valentine is foreplay.

  Milton Berle

  Real, Valentine, Thinking

• My wife can't figure out what to buy me. What do you give a man who's had everything up to here?

  Milton Berle

  Christmas, Men, Giving

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