Rita Rudner Quotes - Page 4

Quotes about:

• I had the most boring office job in the world...I used to clean the windows on envelopes.

  Rita Rudner

  Inspirational, Jobs, Office

  4 Copy quote

• In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Success, Marriage

  "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  48 Copy quote

• I worry about Las Vegas schools. I hear in math, they only teach them to count to 21.

  Rita Rudner

  School, Math, Vegas

  4 Copy quote

• I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups.

  Rita Rudner

  Running, Morning, Home

  Rita Rudner (1993). “Naked Beneath My Clothes: Tales of a Revealing Nature”, Penguin Group USA

  31 Copy quote

• I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Humor, Albums

  Rita Rudner (1993). “Naked Beneath My Clothes: Tales of a Revealing Nature”, Penguin Group USA

  14 Copy quote

• Human nature is largely something that has to be overcome.

  Rita Rudner

  Overcoming, Human Nature, Humans

  Rita Rudner (1993). “Naked Beneath My Clothes: Tales of a Revealing Nature”, Penguin Group USA

  6 Copy quote

• Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say "Oh, my God, I'm so embarrassed; get me out of here. There's another man wearing a black tuxedo.

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Party, Humor

  15 Copy quote

• The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Humor, Men

  Rita Rudner (1993). “Naked Beneath My Clothes: Tales of a Revealing Nature”, Penguin Group USA

  10 Copy quote

• I rationalize shop. I buy a dress because I need change for gum.

  Rita Rudner

  Dresses, Needs, Gum

  7 Copy quote

• Men who can eat anything they want and not gain weight should do it out of sight of the women they're married to.

  Rita Rudner

  Men, Sight, Weight

  4 Copy quote

• My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Thanksgiving, Mother

  12 Copy quote

• Buying something on sale is a very special feeling. In fact, the less I pay for something, the more it is worth to me.

  Rita Rudner

  Shopping, Feelings, Special

  Rita Rudner (1993). “Naked Beneath My Clothes: Tales of a Revealing Nature”, Penguin Group USA

  4 Copy quote

• How can I have morning sickness when I don't get up till noon?

  Rita Rudner

  Funny Inspirational, Morning, Noon

  11 Copy quote

• An amicable divorce is like a ventilated condom; it just doesn't work.

  Rita Rudner

  Divorce, Condom

  5 Copy quote

• Nobody is really happy with what's on their head. People with straight hair want curly, people with curly want straight, and bald people want everyone to be blind.

  Rita Rudner

  Hair, People, Want

  Rita Rudner (1993). “Naked Beneath My Clothes: Tales of a Revealing Nature”, Penguin Group USA

  9 Copy quote

• I don't look back. I'm like a shark - I only look forward.

  Rita Rudner

  Regret, Sharks, Looks

  6 Copy quote

• Never take candy from strangers.

  Rita Rudner

  Halloween, Candy Corn, Stranger

  9 Copy quote

• My cousin just got married for the totally wrong reasons. She married a man for money. She wasn't real subtle about it. Instead of calling him her fiancé, she kept calling him her financee.

  Rita Rudner

  Cousin, Real, Men

  4 Copy quote

• I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.

  Rita Rudner

  Retirement, Age, Ears

  Rita Rudner (2008). “I Still Have It . . . I Just Can't Remember Where I Put It: Confessions of a Fiftysomething”, p.238, Crown Archetype

  9 Copy quote

• I have too many credit cards. You know what happened? Someone stole one and I didn't notice. I noticed when I got that bill. Whoa! It was so much less! I'm letting him keep it. I'm saving money!

  Rita Rudner

  Money, Cards, Credit

  8 Copy quote

• When I was a kid, I had two friends, and they were imaginary and they would only play with each other.

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Humor, Kids

  7 Copy quote

• Men who write love letters don't live in this century.

  Rita Rudner

  Writing, Men, Letters

  4 Copy quote

• If you buy your husband or boyfriend a video camera, for the first few weeks he has it, lock the door when you go to the bathroom. Most of my husband's early films end with a scream and a flush.

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Husband, Humor

  5 Copy quote

• I suffer from peroxide phobia. Every time I've gotten near a blond woman, something of mine has disappeared. Jobs, boyfriends... one time an angora sweater leaped right off my body.

  Rita Rudner

  Jobs, Sweaters, Suffering

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  8 Copy quote

• Men have better self-images than women. You know what I've never seen in a men's magazine? A makeover.

  Rita Rudner

  Men, Self, Magazines

  4 Copy quote

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