Rita Rudner Quotes About Husband

Quotes about: Husband

• My husband gave me a necklace. It's fake. I requested fake. Maybe I'm paranoid, but in this day and age, I don't want something around my neck that's worth more than my head.

  Rita Rudner

  Sarcastic, Fake People, Husband

• My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.

  Rita Rudner

  Death, Husband, Grandmother

• My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Life, Wedding

• Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.

  Rita Rudner

  Love, Funny, Anniversary

• If your husband has difficulty getting to sleep, the words 'we need to talk about our relationship' may help.

  Rita Rudner

  Husband, Sleep, Needs

• Men love watches with multiple functions. My husband has one that is a combination address book, telescope and piano.

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Husband, Book

• Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, "Are we going to have sex again?" He said, "Yes, but not with each other."

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Sex, Husband

• My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that if he concentrates he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and if they're really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him.

  Rita Rudner

  Inspirational, Sports, Husband

• I'm not sure if my husband is going to be there when I actually have the baby. He said the only way he's going to be in the room when there's a delivery is if there's a pizza involved.

  Rita Rudner

  Baby, Husband, Way

  Rita Rudner (2002). “Tickled Pink: A Comic Novel”, Washington Square Press

• I can see close up and my husband can see far away, so we're covered. He tells me who's in the movie and I tell him what's in his sandwich. Together we're human bifocals.

  Rita Rudner

  Husband, Together, Sandwiches

  Rita Rudner (2008). “I Still Have It . . . I Just Can't Remember Where I Put It: Confessions of a Fiftysomething”, p.2, Crown Archetype

• If you buy your husband or boyfriend a video camera, for the first few weeks he has it, lock the door when you go to the bathroom. Most of my husband's early films end with a scream and a flush.

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Husband, Humor

• Husband: a man who buys his football tickets four months in advance and waits until the day before his anniversary to buy his wife a gift.

  Rita Rudner

  Football, Husband, Men

• Men do not like to admit to even momentary imperfection. My husband forgot the code to turn off the alarm. When the police came, he wouldn't admit he'd forgotten the code... he turned himself in.

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Husband, Humor

• My parents were glad to see that my new husband looks like a 'regular guy'-no earring or anything. But really I think a man with an earring is better prepared for marriage. I mean, he's already experienced pain and bought jewelry.

  Rita Rudner

  Husband, Pain, Mean

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