Sarcastic Quotes - Page 38

• Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

  Jay Leno

  Funny, Romantic, Valentines Day

  99 Copy quote

• I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

  Will Rogers

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  In Saturday Review 25 Aug. 1962

  120 Copy quote

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• We have so much time and so little to do. Strike that, reverse it.

  Roald Dahl

  Inspirational, Funny, Time

  Roald Dahl (2007). “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory”, p.152, Penguin

  49 Copy quote

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• Conservatives want live babies so they can train them to be dead soldiers.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Witty, Baby

  18 Copy quote

• Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

  Steven Wright

  Depression, Anger, Sarcasm

  62 Copy quote

• Religion is like a pair of shoes.....Find one that fits for you, but don't make me wear your shoes.

  George Carlin

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

  92 Copy quote

• Making others happy, through kindness of speech and sincerity of right advice, is a sign of true greatness. To hurt another soul by sarcastic words, looks, or suggestions, is despicable.

  Paramahansa Yogananda

  Hurt, Kindness, Greatness

  33 Copy quote

• Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  19 Copy quote

• I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  "Napalm and Silly Putty". Book by George Carlin, 2001.

  14 Copy quote

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• If a little is great, and a lot is better, then way too much is just about right!

  Mae West

  Witty, Humorous, Littles

  37 Copy quote

• Love built on beauty, soon as beauty, dies.

  John Donne

  Love, Beauty, True Love

  'Elegies' 'The Anagram' (1593-6)

  30 Copy quote

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• I don't know if God exists, but it would be better for His reputation if He didn't.

  Jules Renard

  Funny, God, Religious

  60 Copy quote

• Sometimes I say things that I think are obviously sarcastic and people take them quite literally.

  Megan Fox

  Thinking, People, Sometimes

  10 Copy quote

• This film cost $31 million. With that kind of money I could have invaded some country.

  Clint Eastwood

  Funny, Movie, Country

  13 Copy quote

• You don't have to be the Dalai Lama to tell people that life's about change.

  John Cleese

  Funny, Life, People

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  55 Copy quote

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• If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster.

  Clint Eastwood

  Inspirational, Funny, Toasters

  "Fictional character: Nick Pulovski". "The Rookie", www.imdb.com. 1990.

  79 Copy quote

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• I noticed that all the prayers I used to offer to God, and all the prayers I now offer to Joe Pesci, are being answered at about the same 50% rate. Half the time I get what I want, half the time I don't... Same as the four-leaf clover and the horseshoe...same as the Voodoo Lady who tells you your fortune by squeezing the goat's testicles, it's all the same: 50-50. So just pick your superstition, sit back, make a wish, and enjoy yourself.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Witty, Atheist

  "You Are All Diseased". Book by George Carlin, 1999.

  12 Copy quote

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• I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half-empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth.

  Janeane Garofalo

  Funny, Cutting, Dark

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  56 Copy quote

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• When we hold a World Championship for a particular sport, we invite teams from other countries to play as well.

  John Cleese

  Funny, Sports, Country

  10 Copy quote

• If you pretend to be good, the world takes you very seriously. If you pretend to be bad, it doesn't. Such is the astounding stupidity of optimism.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Optimism, Stupidity

  Oscar Wilde (2007). “The Collected Works of Oscar Wilde”, p.488, Wordsworth Editions

  44 Copy quote

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• The youth of America is their oldest tradition. It has been going on now for three hundred years.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Years, America

  'A Woman of No Importance' (1893) act 1

  9 Copy quote

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• Romance has been elegantly defined as the offspring of fiction and love.

  Benjamin Disraeli

  Love, Heartbreak, Romance

  Isaac Disraeli, Benjamin Disraeli (Earl of Beaconsfield) (1861). “Curiosities of literature”, p.119

  19 Copy quote

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• When ideas fail, words come in very handy.

  Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

  War, Sarcasm, Language Words

  7 Copy quote

• You are never too old to become younger!

  Mae West

  Witty, Humorous, Maturity

  37 Copy quote

• Those who are easily shocked should be shocked more often.

  Mae West

  Change, Witty, Humorous

  19 Copy quote