Sarcastic Quotes - Page 33

• Friendship is far more tragic than love. It lasts longer.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Friendship, Lasts

  Oscar Wilde, Nicholas Frankel (2011). “The Picture of Dorian Gray: An Annotated, Uncensored Edition”, p.86, Harvard University Press

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• Strange as it may seem, my life is based on a true story

  Ashleigh Brilliant

  Life, Wisdom, Sarcasm

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• The 100% American is 99% idiot.

  George Bernard Shaw

  Sarcasm, Idiot

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• Money is the most important thing in the world. It represents health, strength, honor, generosity, and beauty as conspicuously as the want of it represents illness, weakness, disgrace, meanness, and ugliness.

  George Bernard Shaw

  Life, Success, Beauty

  Major Barbara (1907) preface

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• It is a noteworthy fact that kicking and beating have played so considerable a part in the habits which necessity has imposed on mankind in past ages that the only way of preventing civilized men from beating and kicking their wives is to organize games in which they can kick and beat balls.

  George Bernard Shaw

  Sports, Past, Men

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• Flowers seem intended for the solace of ordinary humanity.

  John Ruskin

  Flower, Humanity, Ordinary

  John Ruskin (1873). “Modern Painters”, p.94

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• One of my first films was Zebrahead. I remember the producer asking me, "Can you handle the big lights?" And I thought, Do I want to be sarcastic, or do I want the job? So I said, "I don't handle the big lights, I just tell big men where to put the big lights and they do it."

  Maryse Alberti

  Jobs, Men, Light

  "The Female Cinematographers of Neon Demon, Creed, and Dope Discuss Their Experiences in a Male-Dominated Field". Interview with Kevin Lincoln, www.vulture.com. June 27, 2016.

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• You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.

  Rowan Atkinson

  Funny, Men, Arses

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• 

  In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Witty, Stupid

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• I'm very used to playing the tomboy or the sarcastic cynic. That's my go-to. Playing the vulnerable of a real girl that's in real womanlike situations, where it's romanticized, I'm a little nervous about it.

  Kristen Bell

  Girl, Real, Littles

  Interview with Caffeinated Clint, moviehole.net. April 08, 2008.

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• He has inhibited discussion by designating admonition as the method of dealing with a heretic- and the first method, too, because he is not a Christian. This is so that he would not seem to require correction again and again and before two or three witnesses as though he were a Christian. He ought to be corrected for the very reason that he is not to be disputed with. In addition, this is said because a controversy over the Scriptures can, clearly, produce no other effect than help to upset either the stomach or the brain.

  Tertullian

  Christian, Two, Upset

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• History repeats itself. That's one of the things wrong with history.

  Clarence Darrow

  Funny, Sarcasm, Carpe Diem

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• Government is like junior high. Your status depends upon whom you're able to persecute.

  Jonathan Kellerman

  Humorous, Government, Juniors

  Jonathan Kellerman (2003). “The Web: An Alex Delaware Novel”, p.105, Ballantine Books

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• It is great to be a blonde. With low expectations it's very easy to surprise people.

  Pamela Anderson

  Funny, People, Expectations

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• A consensus means that everyone agrees to say collectively what no one believes individually.

  Abba Eban

  Believe, Mean, Sarcasm

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• If you're choking in a restaurant you can just say the magic words, 'Heimlich maneuver,' and all will be well. Trouble is, it's difficult to say 'Heimlich maneuver' when you're choking to death.

  Eddie Izzard

  Sarcasm, Magic, Trouble

  "Eddie Izzard: Dress to Kill". www.imdb.com. 1999.

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• The National Rifle Association says, 'Guns don't kill people. People do'. But I think the gun helps.

  Eddie Izzard

  Sarcasm, Gun, Thinking

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• It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one considers that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies.

  Woody Allen

  Sarcasm, Years, America

  "A Look at Organized Crime" by Woody Allen in "Disquiet, Please! More Humor Writing from the New Yorker" by David Remnick, Henry Finder, (p. 364), 2008.

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• I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

  Irvin S. Cobb

  Witty, Powerful, Humorous

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• I go up in the supermarkets and people always go what are you doing here and I go I'm hungry in a sarcastic but nice way just to let them know yo I'm human too man.

  Rakim

  Nice, Men, People

  Source: halftimeonline.net

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• Asking politicians to give up a source of money is like asking Dracula to forsake blood.

  Cal Thomas

  Giving Up, Humorous, Blood

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• I am a very strong supporter of the Second Amendment. And I am ­­ I don't know if Hillary was saying it in a sarcastic manner, but I'm very proud to have the endorsement of the NRA. And it's the earliest endorsement they've ever given to anybody who ran for president. So I'm very honored by all of that.

  Donald Trump

  Strong, Second Amendment, President

  Source: www.christianpost.com

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• Put every great teacher in a room, and they'd agree about everything, but put their disciples in there and they'd argue about everything.

  Bruce Lee

  Funny, Teacher, Rooms

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• Your services might be as useful as a barbershop on the steps of a guillotine.

  Rowan Atkinson

  Funny, Might, Steps

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• I can be very dry and sarcastic.

  Hayden Panettiere

  Dry, I Can

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