Sarcastic Quotes - Page 31

• You had to learn at a certain age what sarcasm is, you know?

  Penny Marshall

  Sarcasm, Age, Certain

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

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• PATRIOT, n. One to whom the interests of a part seem superior to those of the whole. The dupe of statesmen and the tool of conquerors.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Tools, Dupes, Patriot

  Ambrose Bierce (2001). “The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary”, p.179, University of Georgia Press

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• In India, 'cold weather' is merely a conventional phrase and has come into use through the necessity of having some way to distinguish between weather which will melt a brass door-knob and weather which will only make it mushy.

  Mark Twain

  Inspiration, Doors, Weather

  Mark Twain (2008). “Following the Equator: A Journey Around the World: Easyread Edition”, p.165, ReadHowYouWant.com

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• PROPERTY, n. Any material thing, having no particular value, that may be held by A against the cupidity of B. Whatever gratifies the passion for possession in one and disappoints it in all others. The object of man's brief rapacity and long indifference.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Passion, Men, Long

  Ambrose Bierce (2001). “The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary”, p.189, University of Georgia Press

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• While your friend holds you affectionately by both your hands, you are safe, for you can watch both his.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Hands, Watches, Safe

  Ambrose Bierce (2001). “The Unabridged Devil's Dictionary”, p.68, University of Georgia Press

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• If you are patient...and wait long enough...Nothing will happen

  Jim Davis

  Funny, Long, Waiting

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• CARNIVOROUS, adj. Addicted to the cruelty of devouring the timorous vegetarian, his heirs and assigns.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Science, Heirs, Vegetarian

  Ambrose Bierce (2013). “Delphi Complete Works of Ambrose Bierce (Illustrated)”, p.2369, Delphi Classics

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• When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

  Mark Twain

  Love, Funny, Motivational

  Mark Twain (2012). “Mark Twain at Your Fingertips: A Book of Quotations”, p.121, Courier Corporation

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• The typewriting machine, when played with expression, is no more annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Sister, Technology

  Oscar Wilde, Harford Montgomery Hyde (1982). “The annotated Oscar Wilde”

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• EVANGELIST, n. A bearer of good tidings, particularly (in a religious sense) such as assure us of our own salvation and the damnation of our neighbors.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Religious, Religion, Damnation

  Ambrose Bierce (2016). “The Devil's Dictionary: The Devil World”, p.57, 谷月社

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• Why was I born with such contemporaries?

  Oscar Wilde

  Book, Beer, Sarcasm

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• How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Marriage, Valentines Day

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• God forbid that any book should be banned. The practice is as indefensible as infanticide.

  Rebecca West

  Funny, Women, Book

  The Strange Necessity (1928) "The Tosh Horse"

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• You have delighted us long enough.

  Jane Austen

  Witty, Sarcasm, Long

  Pride and Prejudice ch. 18 (1813)

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• How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes...dies.

  George Carlin

  Funny, God, Witty

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• How is it possible to have a civil war?

  George Carlin

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

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• Love sucks. Sometimes it feels good. Sometimes it's just another way to bleed.

  Laurell K. Hamilton

  Love, Valentines Day, Feel Good

  Laurell K. Hamilton (2011). “Laurell K. Hamilton's Anita Blake, Vampire Hunter collection 6-10”, p.1106, Penguin

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• The cat looked as if it were about to say something sarcastic. Then it flicked its whiskers and said, "Challenge her. There's no guarantee she'll play fair, but her kind of thing loves games and challenges.

  Neil Gaiman

  Cat, Games, Play

  Neil Gaiman (2012). “Coraline”, p.76, A&C Black

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• 'Therefore' is a word the poet must not know.

  Andre Gide

  Poetry, Poetic, Knows

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• His golf bag does not contain a full set of irons.

  Robin Williams

  Golf, Iron, Doe

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• No one can have a higher opinion of him than I have; and I think he's a dirty little beast.

  W. S. Gilbert

  Dirty, Thinking, Littles

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• While [the Arians], like men sprung from a dunghill, truly "spoke from the earth" [Jn. 3:31], the bishops [of Nicea], not having invented their phrases for themselves, but having testimony from their fathers, wrote as they did. For ancient bishops, of the great Rome and our city [i.e., Alexandria, Egypt, where Athanasius was bishop], some 130 years ago, wrote and censured those who said that the Son was a creature and not consubstantial with the Father.

  Athanasius of Alexandria

  Father, Son, Men

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• Only Lawyers and mental defectives are automatically exempt for jury duty.

  George Bernard Shaw

  Law, Duty, Jury

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• If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.

  Billy Wilder

  Funny, Inspiring, Sweet

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

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• I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.

  Woody Allen

  Funny, Humor, Sarcasm

  At night-club in Chicago, Mar. 1964, recorded on Woody Allen Volume Two (Colpix CP 488) side 1, band 6

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