Sarcastic Quotes - Page 16

• The difference between a violin and a viola is that a viola burns longer.

  Victor Borge

  Funny, Sarcasm, Differences

  30 Copy quote

• She was kind of girl who'd eat all your cashews and leave you with nothing but peanuts and filberts.

  Raymond Chandler

  Girl, Kind, Peanuts

  14 Copy quote

• She has been kissed as often as a police-court Bible, and by much the same class of people.

  Robertson Davies

  Funny, Class, People

  7 Copy quote

• She never lets ideas interrupt the easy flow of her conversation.

  Jean Webster

  Communication, Ideas, Flow

  Jean Webster (2015). “Daddy Long Legs”, p.84, Jean Webster

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• He was about as useful in a crisis as a sheep.

  Dorothy Eden

  Sheep, Crisis

  8 Copy quote

• Don't marry a man to reform him - that's what reform schools are for.

  Mae West

  Love, Funny, Marriage

  Mae West (1967). “The wit and wisdom of Mae West”

  21 Copy quote

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• In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.

  Charles Maurice de Talleyrand

  Flirting, Order

  17 Copy quote

• He was one of those men who possess almost every gift, except the gift of the power to use them.

  Charles Kingsley

  Power, Men, Common Sense

  Charles Kingsley (1855). “Westward ho!: The voyages and adventures of Sir Amyas Leigh, knight, of Burrough, in the county of Devon, in the reign of Her Most Glorious Majesty Queen Elizabeth”, p.20

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• He never chooses an opinion; he just wears whatever happens to be in style.

  Leo Tolstoy

  Style, Literature, Opinion

  15 Copy quote
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  Women are made to be loved, not understood.

  Oscar Wilde

  Love, Funny, Confused

  Oscar Wilde (2016). “Aphorisms”, p.3, Oscar Wilde

  632 Copy quote

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• Everyone smiles in the same language.

  George Carlin

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

  84 Copy quote

• If you drink like a fish, don't drive: swim.

  Joe E. Lewis

  Funny, Beer, Sarcasm

  8 Copy quote

• Everyone who ever walked barefoot into his child's room late at night hates Legos.

  Tony Kornheiser

  Children, Hate, Sarcasm

  58 Copy quote

• Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother's tasted better the day before.

  Rita Rudner

  Mother, Sarcasm, Funny Thanksgiving

  FaceBook post by Rita Rudner from Nov 13, 2012

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• I can do only one thing at a time, but I can avoid doing many things simultaneously.

  Ashleigh Brilliant

  Sarcasm, Can Do, One Thing At A Time

  7 Copy quote

• Now every girl is expected to have: Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, the arms of Michelle Obama, and doll tits. The person closest to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes.

  Tina Fey

  Girl, Athlete, Eye

  "Bossypants". Book by Tina Fey, April 5, 2011.

  63 Copy quote

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• I've noticed the people most uptight about smokers and drinkers don't really have a problem with gluttony and gossip.

  Tim Hawkins

  Gossip, People, Advice

  Twitter post from Sep 01, 2013

  20 Copy quote

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• A great empire, like a great cake, is most easily diminished at the edges.

  Benjamin Franklin

  Cake, Political, Liberty

  Benjamin Franklin, Henry Stueber (1838). “The Life and Essays of Dr. Benjamin Franklin: Carefully Collected from His Own Papers, Containing All His Miscellaneous Pieces”, p.408

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• Yes, always avoid violence. In this age of charity and kindliness, the time has gone by for such things. Leave dynamite to the low and unrefined.

  Mark Twain

  Age, Gone, Charity

  Mark Twain (2013). “Delphi Complete Works of Mark Twain (Illustrated)”, p.4158, Delphi Classics

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• The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.

  Bill Watterson

  Inspirational, Funny, Laughter

  1044 Copy quote

• Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?

  Benny Hill

  Hilarious, People, Birth Control

  179 Copy quote

• Most of the world's work is done by people who don't feel very well.

  Winston Churchill

  People, Done, World

  18 Copy quote

• The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.

  George Bernard Shaw

  Funny, Communication, Sarcasm

  38 Copy quote

• According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Funny, Motivational, Death

  107 Copy quote

• Abstract art: a product of the untalented sold by the unprincipled to the utterly bewildered.

  Al Capp

  Art, Architecture, Abstract

  In National Observer 1 July 1963

  73 Copy quote

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