Sarcastic Quotes - Page 11

• One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.

  Oscar Wilde

  Love, Funny, Sarcasm

  Oscar Wilde (2004). “The Best of Oscar Wilde: Selected Plays and Writings”, p.144, Penguin

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• I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.

  Mark Twain

  Inspirational, Death, Atheist

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• If you're too open-minded; your brains will fall out.

  Lawrence Ferlinghetti

  Funny, Witty, Fall

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• Morality is simply the attitude we adopt towards people whom we personally dislike.

  Oscar Wilde

  Inspirational, Funny, Inspiring

  An Ideal Husband act 2 (1895)

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• I don't know why we are here, but I'm pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.

  Ludwig Wittgenstein

  Happiness, Philosophy, Sarcasm

  "The Beginning of the End" by Peter Hershey, (p. 109), 2004.

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• Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.

  Fred Allen

  Men, Should, Punning

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• A great many people now reading and writing would be better employed keeping rabbits.

  Edith Sitwell

  Reading, Writing, People

  "Writers on Writing". Book edited by Jon Winokur, 1986.

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• He's the only man I ever knew who had rubber pockets so he could steal soup.

  Wilson Mizner

  Men, Hatred, Pockets

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• They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of human knowledge.

  Thomas Reed

  Life, Teaching, Intelligence

  "Political Insults: Cheap Shots or Do They Play an Important Role in American Politics?" by Rich Rubino, www.huffingtonpost.com. March 18, 2014.

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• Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.

  Ambrose Bierce

  Funny, Jealousy, Sarcasm

  Cynic's Word Book (1906) p. 41

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• She looked as though butter wouldn't melt in her mouth - or anywhere else.

  Elsa Lanchester

  Women, Memorable, Mouths

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• When you go to the mind reader, do you get half price?

  David Letterman

  Intelligence, Mind, Half

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• What I claim is to live to the full the contradiction of my time, which may well make sarcasm the condition of truth.

  Roland Barthes

  Time, Truth, Sarcasm

  Roland Barthes (1973). “Mythologies”

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• What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.

  Fred Allen

  Inspirational, Sarcasm, Mind

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• I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Crazy, Silly

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• Everybody who is incapable of learning has taken to teaching.

  Oscar Wilde

  Inspirational, Funny, Education

  Oscar Wilde (2014). “The Wit and Wisdom of Oscar Wilde”, p.127, Courier Corporation

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• The English have a miraculous power of turning wine into water.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Wine, Water

  Oscar Wilde (2007). “Epigrams of Oscar Wilde”, p.123, Wordsworth Editions

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• Never criticize Americans. They have the best taste that money can buy.

  Miles Kington

  Taste, Criticize

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• When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other.

  Eric Hoffer

  Freedom, Sarcasm, People

  Passionate State of Mind (1955) p. 21

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• You couldn't tell if she was dressed for an opera or an operation.

  Irvin S. Cobb

  Opera, Operations, Ifs

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• People seem to enjoy things more when they know a lot of other people have been left out of the pleasure.

  Russell Baker

  Funny, People, Pleasure

  "The Sport of Counting Each Other Out" in The New York Times, en.wikiquote.org. November 2, 1967.

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• She should get a divorce and settle down.

  Jack Paar

  Divorce, Settling, Should

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• I'm single because I was born that way.

  Mae West

  Witty, Freedom, Women

  Mae West (1967). “The wit and wisdom of Mae West”

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• Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for the people.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Freedom, 4th Of July

  'The Soul of Man under Socialism'

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• Sarcasm: the last refuge of modest and chaste-souled people when the privacy of their soul is coarsely and intrusively invaded.

  Fyodor Dostoevsky

  Sarcasm, People, Soul

  Fyodor Dostoevsky (2013). “The Greatest Works of Dostoevsky: Crime and Punishment + The Brother's Karamazov + The Idiot + Notes from Underground + The Gambler + Demons (The Possessed / The Devils)”, p.2157, e-artnow

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