Sarcastic Quotes - Page 13

• He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.

  Victor Borge

  Funny, Witty, Sarcasm

  65 Copy quote

• He strains his conversation through a cigar.

  Hamilton Wright Mabie

  Cigar, Conversation, Strain

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• She was what we used to call a suicide blonde - dyed by her own hand.

  Saul Bellow

  Funny, Girl, Suicide

  Saul Bellow (2016). “Him With His Foot In His Mouth and Other Stories”, p.170, Odyssey Editions

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• Gee, what a terrific party. Later on we'll get some fluid and embalm each other.

  Neil Simon

  Funny, Party, Fluid

  Neil Simon (1979). “The collected plays of Neil Simon”, Plume Books

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• If he ever had a bright idea it would be beginner's luck.

  William Lashner

  Ideas, Luck, Beginners

  William Lashner (2009). “Bitter Truth”, p.65, Harper Collins

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• A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.

  Gore Vidal

  Sarcasm, Cynicism, Narcissist

  FaceBook post by Gore Vidal from Dec 08, 2011

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• As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

  Woody Allen

  Nature, Sarcasm, Tree

  Woody Allen (2007). “The Insanity Defense: The Complete Prose”, Random House Incorporated

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• It's fun to be sarcastic, but now I'm able to express myself in a way that's much more sincere.

  Christina Ricci

  Fun, Able, Way

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• I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

  Woody Allen

  Horse, Sadism, Would Be

  "Fictional character: Tiger Lily". " What's Up, Tiger Lily?", www.imdb.com. 1966.

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• She's good, being gone.

  William Shakespeare

  Gone

  William Shakespeare (1994). “The Tragedy of Anthony and Cleopatra”, p.159, Oxford University Press, USA

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• Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Horse, Humor

  1937 Line delivered in A Day at the Races (screenplay by George Seaton, Robert Pirosh and George Oppenheimer).

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• In her single person she managed to produce the effect of a majority.

  Ellen Glasgow

  Majority, Produce, Single Person

  Ellen Glasgow (2016). “Virginia”, p.126, The Floating Press

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• In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.

  Woody Allen

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  55 Copy quote

• Some of my best leading men have been dogs and horses.

  Elizabeth Taylor

  Dog, Witty, Horse

  Twitter post from Jan 03, 2017

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• Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Breakfast Food, People

  Oscar Wilde (2016). “Aphorisms”, p.15, Oscar Wilde

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• A remark generally hurts in proportion to its truth.

  Will Rogers

  Funny, Hurt, Truth

  Will Rogers, James Smallwood, Steven K. Gragert (1982). “Will Rogers' Weekly Articles: The Hoover years, 1929-1931”

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• She had much in common with Hitler, only no mustache.

  Noel Coward

  Mustache, Common

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• There is one thing on earth more terrible than English music, and that is English painting.

  Heinrich Heine

  Earth, Painting, Terrible

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• She is a peacock in everything but beauty!

  Oscar Wilde

  Women, Peacock

  Oscar Wilde (2015). “The Picture of Dorian Gray (Diversion Classics)”, p.11, Diversion Books

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• Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

  Mark Twain

  Funny, Witty, Crazy

  Mark Twain (2014). “Mark Twain on Common Sense: Timeless Advice and Words of Wisdom from America's Most-Revered Humorist”, p.40, Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.

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• Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit.

  Will Smith

  Funny, Hilarious, Witty

  96 Copy quote

• One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Witty, Humorous

  105 Copy quote

• I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Or, as it's known to Native Americans - Sarcastic You're Welcomesgiving.

  Stephen Colbert

  Native American, Wonderful, Known

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• A mental midget with the IQ of a fence post.

  Tom Waits

  Fence Post, Midget, Posts

  Song: The Piano Has Been Drinking

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• She's the kind of girl who climbed the ladder of success wrong by wrong.

  Mae West

  Funny, Success, Girl

  I'm No Angel (motion picture) (1933)

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