Sarcastic Quotes - Page 14

• There is nothing funny about Halloween. This sarcastic festival reflects, rather, an infernal demand for revenge by children on the adult world.

  Jean Baudrillard

  Funny, Revenge, Children

  Jean Baudrillard (1989). “America”, p.48, Verso

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• 'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence?

  George Carlin

  Funny, Marriage, Witty

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• I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows until you come home.

  Groucho Marx

  Funny, Book, Humor

  "Fictional character: Rufus T. Firefly". "Duck Soup", www.imdb.com. 1933.

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• What you said hurt me very much. I cried all the way to the bank.

  Liberace

  Hurt, Writing, Way

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• I have discovered the art of deceiving diplomats. I tell them the truth and they never believe me.

  Camillo Benso, Count of Cavour

  Art, Truth, Lying

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• I love smiles. That is a fact. How to develop smiles? There are a variety of smiles. Some smiles are sarcastic. Some smiles are artificial-diplomatic smiles. These smiles do not produce satisfaction, but rather fear or suspicion. But a genuine smile gives us hope, freshness. If we want a genuine smile, then first we must produce the basis for a smile to come.

  Dalai Lama

  Giving, Want, Satisfaction

  His Holiness The Dalai Lama (1998). “Path To Tranquility”, p.1, Penguin Books India

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• Never vote for the best candidate, vote for the one who will do the least harm.

  Frank Dane

  Funny, Sarcasm, Politics

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• Electricity is really just organized lightning.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Sarcasm, Lightning

  George Carlin (2002). “Napalm & Silly Putty”, Hyperion

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• A good motto to live by: "Always try not to get killed.

  George Carlin

  Funny, Life, Witty

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• You know, you have to be an optimist, a pessimist, sarcastic and pleasant all at the same time to be a photographer.

  Rondal Partridge

  Photographer, Pessimist, Optimist

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• He's so small, he's a waste of skin.

  Fred Allen

  Skins, Waste

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• Equal opportunity means everyone will have a fair chance at being incompetent.

  Laurence J. Peter

  Love, Life, Relationship

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• I would like to take you seriously, but to do so would be an affront to your intelligence.

  George Bernard Shaw

  Sarcasm, Would Be, Affront

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• There is a great need for a sarcasm font.

  Darynda Jones

  Funny, Sarcasm, Novelists

  Darynda Jones (2012). “Third Grave Dead Ahead”, p.26, Macmillan

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• I would not want to put him in charge of snake control in Ireland.

  Eugene McCarthy

  Snakes, Want, Ireland

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• She wears her clothes as if they were thrown on with a pitchfork.

  Jonathan Swift

  Clothes, Pitchforks, Apparel

  'Polite Conversation' (1738) dialogue 1

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• God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.

  Mark Twain

  God, Education, School

  Mark Twain (2014). “Mark Twain on Common Sense: Timeless Advice and Words of Wisdom from America's Most-Revered Humorist”, p.15, Skyhorse Publishing, Inc.

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• Arguments are to be avoided: they are always vulgar and often convincing.

  Oscar Wilde

  Funny, Anger, Argument

  Oscar Wilde (1947). “The Happy Prince”, p.16, New Line Publishing

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• His voice was the most obnoxious squeak I ever was tormented with.

  Charles Lamb

  Voice, Obnoxious

  Charles Lamb (1870). “The Complete Correspondence and Works of Charles Lamb: With an Essay on His Life and Genius”, p.454

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• We've been through so much together, and most of it was your fault.

  Ashleigh Brilliant

  Together, Faults

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• His smile is like the silver plate on a coffin.

  John Philpot Curran

  Coffins, Silver, His Smile

  Of Sir Robert Peel's smile. Quoted by Daniel O'Connell in the House of Commons, 26 Feb 1835.

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• Golf is a good walk spoiled.

  Mark Twain

  Funny, Sports, Athlete

  Attributed in Reader's Digest, Dec. 1948. Commonly attributed to Twain, but the Stevens Point (Wis.) Daily Journal, 19 Dec. 1913, printed the following without attribution to any named individual: "Golf, of course, has been defined as a good walk spoiled."

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• It is one of the superstitions of the human mind to have imagined that virginity could be a virtue.

  Voltaire

  Funny, Mind, Superstitions

  'The Leningrad Notebooks' (c.1735-c.1750) in T. Besterman (ed.) 'Notebooks' (2nd ed., 1968) vol. 2, p. 455

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• He's liked, but he's not well liked.

  Arthur Miller

  Wells, Salesman

  Arthur Miller (2015). “Miller Plays: 1: All My Sons; Death of a Salesman; The Crucible; A Memory of Two Mondays; A View from the Bridge”, p.146, Bloomsbury Publishing

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• She plunged into a sea of platitudes, and with the powerful breast stroke of a channel swimmer made her confident way towards the white cliffs of the obvious.

  W. Somerset Maugham

  Powerful, Sea, White

  "A Writer's Notebook". Book by W. Somerset Maugham, 1946.

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