Funny Thanksgiving Quotes

• Thanksgiving, when the Indians said, "Well, this has been fun, but we know you have a long voyage back to England".

  Jay Leno

  Thanksgiving, Fun, Long

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• You know that just before that first Thanksgiving dinner there was one wise, old Native American woman saying, Don't feed them. If you feed them, they'll never leave.

  Dylan Brody

  Thanksgiving, Wise, Native American

  45 Copy quote

• To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.

  Reba McEntire

  Life, Success, Positivity

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• As we express our gratitude, we must never forget that the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them.

  John F. Kennedy

  Inspirational, Thank You, Thanksgiving

  Kennedy, John F. (1964). “Public Papers of the Presidents of the United States: John F. Kennedy, 1963”, p.836, Best Books on

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• I love Thanksgiving turkey... It's the only time in Los Angeles that you see natural breasts.

  Arnold Schwarzenegger

  Thanksgiving, Turkeys, Los Angeles

  38 Copy quote

• I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

  Jon Stewart

  Funny, Thanksgiving, Holiday

  89 Copy quote

• After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one's own relations.

  Oscar Wilde

  Family, Thanksgiving, Food

  1893 Lady Caroline. A Woman of No Importance, act 2.

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• The roots of all goodness lie in the soil of appreciation for goodness.

  Dalai Lama

  Inspirational, Positive, Thank You

  Dalai Lama (1994). “The Path to Enlightenment”, p.105, Shambhala

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• Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year.

  P. J. O'Rourke

  Thanksgiving, Years, Thankfulness

  8 Copy quote

• I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

  Erma Bombeck

  Inspirational, Funny, Life

  94 Copy quote
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  My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

  Phyllis Diller

  Thanksgiving, Fun, Kids

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• May your stuffing be tasty May your turkey plump, May your potatoes and gravy Have nary a lump. May your yams be delicious And your pies take the prize, And may your Thanksgiving dinner Stay off your thighs!

  Grandpa Jones

  Thanksgiving, Yams, Turkeys

  79 Copy quote

• When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around.

  Willie Nelson

  Thanksgiving, Thankful, Gratitude

  "The Tao of Willie: A Guide to the Happiness in Your Heart". Book by Willie Nelson, Turk Pipkin, 2006.

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• Proper turkey preparation is critical. According to the U.S. Department of Agriculture, more Americans die every year from eating improperly cooked turkey than were killed in the entire Peloponnesian War. This is because turkey can contain salmonella, which are tiny bacteria that, if they get in your bloodstream, develop into full-grown salmon, which could come leaping out of your mouth during an important business presentation.

  Dave Barry

  War, Years, Turkeys

  11 Copy quote

• Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.

  Johnny Carson

  Thanksgiving, Holiday, Emotional

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• God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say 'thank you?'

  William Arthur Ward

  Thank You, Thanksgiving, God

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• Thanksgiving is the day when you turn to another family member and say, 'How long has Mom been drinking like this?' My Mom, after six Bloody Marys looks at the turkey and goes, 'Here, kitty, kitty.'

  David Letterman

  Thanksgiving, Mom, Drinking

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• An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.

  Irv Kupcinet

  Thanksgiving, Optimistic, Turkeys

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• There is one day that is ours. Thanksgiving Day is the one day that is purely American.

  O. Henry

  Thanksgiving, One Day, Biscuits

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• Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.

  Erma Bombeck

  Thanksgiving, Sports, Football

  "On Being Blonde: Wit and Wisdom from the World's Most Infamous Blondes". Book by Paula Munier, p. 67, September 1, 2004.

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  Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie.

  Jim Davis

  Thanksgiving, Food, Zucchini

  Jim Davis (2012). “Garfield Eats His Heart Out: His 6th Book”, p.4, Ballantine Group

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• Gratitude is the fairest blossom which springs from the soul.

  Henry Ward Beecher

  Inspirational, Life, Thankful

  23 Copy quote

• I like football. I find its an exciting strategic game. Its a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving.

  Craig Ferguson

  Funny, Thanksgiving, Football

  8 Copy quote

• Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our thanksgiving.

  W. T. Purkiser

  Thanksgiving, Thank You, Gratitude

  82 Copy quote

• Appreciation can make a day, even change a life. Your willingness to put it into words is all that is necessary.

  Margaret Cousins

  Change, Thanksgiving, Thank You

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

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