Funny Thanksgiving Quotes - Page 2

• My mother is such a lousy cook that Thanksgiving at her house is a time of sorrow.

  Rita Rudner

  Funny, Thanksgiving, Mother

  12 Copy quote

• Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more.

  Oprah Winfrey

  Inspirational, Thanksgiving, Thankful

  "Biography / Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

  37 Copy quote

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• It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.

  Phyllis Diller

  Thanksgiving, Turkeys, Three

  9 Copy quote

• If you want to save a species, simply decide to eat it. Then it will be managed - like chickens, like turkeys, like deer, like Canadian geese.

  Ted Nugent

  Turkeys, Want, Deer

  94 Copy quote

• I'm from Canada, so Thanksgiving to me is just Thursday with more food. And I'm thankful for that.

  Howie Mandel

  Thanksgiving, Canada, Thursday

  "Biography/Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com.

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• Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants.

  Kevin James

  Funny, Thanksgiving, Good Day

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

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• Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings.” —

  William Arthur Ward

  Thanksgiving, Thankful, Gratitude

  194 Copy quote

• God is glorified, not by our groans, but by our thanksgivings.

  Edwin Percy Whipple

  Thanksgiving, Thankful, Happy Thanksgiving

  Edwin Percy Whipple (1875). “Success and Its Conditions”, p.195

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• We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing

  George Carlin

  Thanksgiving, Sarcastic, Sarcasm

  14 Copy quote

• It must be an odd feeling to be thankful to nobody in particular. Christians in public institutions often see this odd thing happening on Thanksgiving Day. Everyone in the institution seems to be thankful 'in general.' It's very strange. It's a little like being married in general.

  Cornelius Plantinga

  Thanksgiving, Christian, Being Thankful

  Cornelius Plantinga (2001). “Beyond Doubt: Faith-Building Devotions on Questions Christians Ask”, p.52, Wm. B. Eerdmans Publishing

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• If a fellow isn't thankful for what he's got, he isn't likely to be thankful for what he's going to get.

  Frank A. Clark

  Motivational, Thanksgiving, Thankful

  30 Copy quote

• Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America's obesity statistics. Personally, I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching football, making pumpkin pie, and saying the magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car.

  Stephen Colbert

  Football, Country, Aunt

  8 Copy quote

• Coexistence: what the farmer does with the turkey - until Thanksgiving.

  Mike Connolly

  Thanksgiving, Vegetarianism, Turkeys

  19 Copy quote

• I hate turkeys. If you stand in the meat section at the grocery store long enough, you start to get mad at turkeys. There's turkey ham, turkey bologna, turkey pastrami. Some one needs to tell the turkey, 'man, just be yourself.'

  Mitch Hedberg

  Thanksgiving, Being Yourself, Fun

  62 Copy quote

• The thankful receiver bears a plentiful harvest.

  William Blake

  Happiness, Thank You, Thanksgiving

  William Blake, David Fuller (2000). “William Blake: Selected Poetry and Prose”, p.133, Pearson Education

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• I have strong doubts that the first Thanksgiving even remotely resembled the 'history' I was told in second grade. But considering that (when it comes to holidays) mainstream America's traditions tend to be over-eating, shopping, or getting drunk, I suppose it's a miracle that the concept of giving thanks even surfaces at all.

  Ellen Orleans

  Thanksgiving, Strong, Holiday

  7 Copy quote

• So once in every year we throng Upon a day apart, to praise the Lord with feast and song in thankfulness of heart.

  Arthur Guiterman

  Thanksgiving, Song, Heart

  17 Copy quote
• 

  In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.

  Albert Schweitzer

  Inspirational, Motivational, Friendship

  771 Copy quote

• Cooking Tip: Wrap turkey leftovers in aluminum foil and throw them out.

  Nicole Hollander

  Food, Turkeys, Cooking

  9 Copy quote

• It was dramatic to watch my grandmother decapitate a turkey with an ax the day before Thanksgiving. Nowadays the expense of hiring grandmothers for the ax work would probably qualify all turkeys so honored with gourmet status.

  Russell Baker

  Food, Grandmother, Turkeys

  9 Copy quote

• A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.

  Kin Hubbard

  Thanksgiving, Turkeys, Kitchen

  18 Copy quote

• People always think of Chinese food as the go-to ethnic food when everything else is closed during the holidays, but Indian is a nice alternative. Plus - Indians? Thanksgiving? Kinda makes sense.

  Erin Gibson

  Nice, Holiday, Thinking

  7 Copy quote

• I have had vegan Thanksgiving of tofurkey and soy gravy. And it's not to say that Thanksgiving will ever justify the genocide of the Native Americans. But vegan Thanksgiving - that's just spitting on the graves, isn't it?

  Hari Kondabolu

  Native American, Soy, Vegan

  16 Copy quote

• What a wonderful life I've had! I only wish I'd realized it sooner.

  Sidonie Gabrielle Colette

  Inspirational, Life, Motivational

  "Personal Quotes/ Biography". www.imdb.com.

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• You can only govern men by serving them. The rule is without exception.

  Victor Kiam

  Humorous, Men, Great Leader

  14 Copy quote