Jimmy Fallon Quotes - Page 13

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• This weekend President Obama attended the annual Gridiron Club Dinner, and during his speech he joked that he is getting older and crankier. Which explains why he announced he no longer supports President Obama.

  Jimmy Fallon

  Weekend, Support, Getting Older

  6 Copy quote

• Senate Democrats blocked President Obama's trade bill yesterday because they're worried it could hurt jobs. It's not an issue for Republicans, since they've all found work as presidential candidates.

  Jimmy Fallon

  Hurt, Jobs, Yesterday

  4 Copy quote

• The White House encouraged Tom Brady to be more of a role model. They would've said more, but there was a drunken Secret Service agent streaking across the Rose Garden.

  Jimmy Fallon

  Garden, White, Rose

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• Hillary Clinton's younger brother Tony is facing criticism for using the Clintons' political connections to help his career. So on the down side, she has a sketchy brother named Tony. On the up side, she just locked up every vote in New Jersey.

  Jimmy Fallon

  Brother, Careers, Political

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• President Obama finally has his own personal Twitter account. Even John McCain said, 'Welcome to the Internet, grandpa.'

  Jimmy Fallon

  Grandpa, President, Welcome

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• Former New York Governor George Pataki may enter the race for president. It's not definite, but he tweeted that he'll announce his 2016 plans on May 28 in New Hampshire. Well, what's he gonna do, go to New Hampshire to say he's NOT running? That's like getting down on one knee and saying, 'I think it's time to see other people.'

  Jimmy Fallon

  Running, New York, Thinking

  4 Copy quote

• During a recent event at a restaurant called Tommy's Country Ham House in South Carolina, presidential candidate Ben Carson delivered a speech right after he lost his front tooth. Which still left him with more teeth than everyone combined at Tommy's Country Ham House.

  Jimmy Fallon

  Country, Presidential, House

  4 Copy quote

• George W. Bush gave a commencement speech at Southern Methodist University this weekend. It was pretty inspirational. He said, 'As I like to tell the 'C' students, you too can be president.' Even George W. Bush has George W. Bush comedy material in his act.

  Jimmy Fallon

  Weekend, Southern, President

  4 Copy quote

• That's right, Mitt Romney took on Evander Holyfield in a boxing match for charity, and it was a pretty one-sided fight. But it was still not the worst boxing match we've seen this month. This weekend Vladimir Putin played in an exhibition hockey game with some former NHL players and scored eight goals. Even Evander Holyfield and Mitt Romney said, 'That looks fake.'

  Jimmy Fallon

  Hockey, Fighting, Weekend

  7 Copy quote

• During a charity boxing match on Friday, Mitt Romney lasted two rounds against Evander Holyfield and raised a million dollars. It was just like Holyfield's fight with Mike Tyson, except Romney chewed off his other ear talking about his 18 grandchildren.

  Jimmy Fallon

  Friday, Fighting, Grandchildren

  4 Copy quote

• Jim Gilmore was the only GOP candidate not invited to the Republican debates tonight, but I saw that he actually planned to live-tweet it. When he heard that, Jeb Bush was like 'Can I do that? I don't want to be here!'

  Jimmy Fallon

  Tonight, Want, Saws

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• I wanted to be the next Dana Carvey. This was my ultimate goal. If I ever cut into a birthday cake and made a wish, I would wish to be on 'Saturday Night Live.' If I threw a coin into a fountain, I would wish to be on 'Saturday Night Live.' If I saw a shooting star, I would wish to be on 'Saturday Night Live.'

  Jimmy Fallon

  Stars, Cutting, Night

  53 Copy quote

• I was into the Mets because my Dad worked at IBM where he got free Mets tickets, so I was into the Mets... then I got to 'Saturday Night Live' where my boss has unbelievable N.Y. Yankees tickets, so he invites us to the games. I'm going to all the games, so I might as well root for the team I'm gonna go sit with.

  Jimmy Fallon

  Dad, Team, Night

  Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com.

  52 Copy quote

• I, of course, wanted to do something with Drew Barrymore. Please. So we were reading scripts back and forth and then we found this script, Fever Pitch...

  Jimmy Fallon

  Reading, Fever, Scripts

  Interview with Jeff Otto, www.ign.com. April 4, 2005.

  52 Copy quote

• Politics is pop. Our job as comedians - especially me, as a late-night talk show, which is a broader audience - is to amplify what we think America is thinking.

  Jimmy Fallon

  Jobs, Night, Thinking

  4 Copy quote

• Researches tested a new form of medical marijuana that treats pain but doesn't get the user high, prompting patients who need medical marijuana to declare, 'Thank you?'

  Jimmy Fallon

  Thank You, Pain, Marijuana

  8 Copy quote

• Thank you... adjustable baseball caps with no logo on the front and mesh netting in the back, for being a great way to say, 'Hi, I'm over 80 years old.'

  Jimmy Fallon

  Baseball, Years, Way

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• As you can imagine, with Hillary Clinton being here, security is very tight. The Secret Service has been here all day sweeping the halls, the offices, the hard drives... It's tight.

  Jimmy Fallon

  Office, Secret, Imagine

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• When you have a baby, sleep is not an option. You can't sleep. Even on vacation, you wake up at 6:30 a.m.

  Jimmy Fallon

  Baby, Dad, Sleep

  4 Copy quote

• In a recent attack ad, the NRA claims that President Obama cares about his own children more than he cares about other children. In response, President Obama was like, 'Yeah, that's how families work.'

  Jimmy Fallon

  Children, Gun, President

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• There couldn't have been a better Hollywood ending for us. It's beyond baseball. It's rooting for your family.

  Jimmy Fallon

  Baseball, Hollywood, Our Family

  Interview With Jeff Otto, www.ign.com. April 4, 2005.

  7 Copy quote

• An Internet rumor claims that John Kerry had an affair with a young woman. When asked if this was similar to the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal, a spokesman said 'Close, but no cigar.'

  Jimmy Fallon

  Rumor, Scandal, Internet

  9 Copy quote

• The Illinois Senate passed a bill on Wednesday to legalize medical marijuana. The bill was passed after the state senator said, 'Come on, dude, pass it. Come on.'

  Jimmy Fallon

  Marijuana, Illinois, Bills

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• I'd be nothing without my wife. She's the coolest. She's the greatest. She is the smartest. She's the funniest. I love her so much. She's like the - it's like your best friend for the rest of your life.

  Jimmy Fallon

  Wife, Rest Of Your Life, Your Best Friend

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• I can watch an episode of Jerry Seinfeld, and by the end, I'm just walking around my house, you know, talking like Jerry Seinfeld. 'What is that? What are you doing? Who is it? What's going' - you know, I just had that thing, when I grew up, I'd just start talking like people. You know, I always had that.

  Jimmy Fallon

  Talking, People, House

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