Jimmy Fallon Quotes - Page 14

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• Hillary Clinton made a campaign stop in Las Vegas yesterday. She said she wants citizenship for undocumented immigrants. But after seeing Americans celebrate Cinco de Mayo yesterday, immigrants said, 'You know what, we're good. We're gonna head back now. We had enough.'

  Jimmy Fallon

  Yesterday, Vegas, Campaigns

  4 Copy quote

• Lincoln Chafee, former governor of Rhode Island, announced he's running for president. Before he announced he's running, his wife went on Facebook and asked his staff if they remembered his password. Because if a Facebook password is too hard to remember, the launch codes for the nukes should be a piece of cake.

  Jimmy Fallon

  Running, Rhode Island, Islands

  6 Copy quote

• According to a new poll, the number of Americans who trust Hillary is dropping. Specifically into a hole that Hillary covered with leaves.

  Jimmy Fallon

  Numbers, Dropping, Holes

  4 Copy quote

• Officials from the soccer organization FIFA, which decides which cities get to host the World Cup, are accused of accepting bribes when making their decision. Of course the toughest part for the soccer officials was taking bribes without using their hands.

  Jimmy Fallon

  Soccer, Hands, Cities

  4 Copy quote

• In a new interview, Herman Cain said that if Rick Perry were an ice cream flavor, he'd be 'Rocky Road.' I don't know, Perry's not really any flavor of ice cream. He's just the brain freeze part.

  Jimmy Fallon

  Ice Cream, Brain, Cain

  4 Copy quote

• While he was in Utah, Obama discussed immigration reform with leaders of the Mormon Church. Obama introduced the first lady. Then the church's president introduced HIS first lady. And his second lady. And his third, fourth, and fifth ladies.

  Jimmy Fallon

  Utah, Leader, Church

  4 Copy quote

• Big news from last night's Republican debate, you guys. It turns out George Bush was actually the smart Texas governor.

  Jimmy Fallon

  Smart, Night, Texas

  4 Copy quote

• Look, I know these Rick Perry jokes are a little mean, but tomorrow, he won't even remember them.

  Jimmy Fallon

  Mean, Looks, Littles

  4 Copy quote

• Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg apparently called President Obama directly to complain about NSA and how it spies on ordinary Americans. That's right, the guy who runs Facebook got mad at the NSA for spying on people. Talk about the pot unfriending the kettle!

  Jimmy Fallon

  Leadership, Running, Zuckerberg

  4 Copy quote

• L.A. Clippers owner Donald Sterling was recorded on tape making racist comments. He now has been banned from the league for life. Great, just where Sterling wanted to end up - the blacklist.

  Jimmy Fallon

  League, Tape, Racist

  6 Copy quote

• Director Ken Burns revealed that his next documentary is about Franklin Roosevelt, and it's fourteen hours long...which sounds like too much, until you realize there's been over thirty hours of TV dedicated to Honey Boo Boo.

  Jimmy Fallon

  Reality, Long, History

  4 Copy quote

• The BP president said yesterday that the company would survive. That's like someone running over your dog and saying, 'Don't worry, my car is fine.'

  Jimmy Fallon

  Running, Dog, Yesterday

  4 Copy quote

• Today, President Obama finally met with BP's CEO, Tony Hayward, but the meeting was only scheduled 20 minutes. Call me crazy, but I think it should take more time to discuss an oil spill than it does to get your oil checked.

  Jimmy Fallon

  Crazy, Thinking, Oil

  5 Copy quote

• Here's a little bit of good news. The Coast Guard says that BP is now catching up to 630,000 gallons of oil a day. The bad news is that they're capturing it with ducks.

  Jimmy Fallon

  Oil, Ducks, News

  4 Copy quote

• BP wants Twitter to shut down a fake BP account that is mocking the oil company. In response, Twitter wants BP to shut down the oil leak that's ruining the ocean.

  Jimmy Fallon

  Ocean, Oil, Fake

  6 Copy quote

• Mike Huckabee said he's the only person who has fought the Clinton political machine and won. As opposed to Democratic candidate Bernie Sanders, who's the only person who fought a fax machine and lost.

  Jimmy Fallon

  Fax Machines, Political, Clinton

  4 Copy quote

• When NBC told me I got the job, I asked, 'Can we do it from New York?' There was just silence on the phone

  Jimmy Fallon

  Jobs, New York, Nbc

  4 Copy quote

• After months of negotiations, Iran has finally agreed to reduce its nuclear weapons program. Which was great until Putin showed up and said, 'Hi, I'm here about Craigslist ad for nukes.'

  Jimmy Fallon

  Iran, Nuclear, Weapons

  4 Copy quote

• President Obama said that if he could have any superpower, he'd want the ability to speak any language. That's so everyone in the world could tell him he picked one of the lamest possible superpowers.

  Jimmy Fallon

  President, World, Want

  4 Copy quote

• President Obama unveiled a $4 trillion budget for 2016 that would increase taxes on the wealthy and spend more money on education. He also made a snowball and put it in the oven, just to see which would last longer, his budget or the snowball.

  Jimmy Fallon

  President, Lasts, Increase

  4 Copy quote

• A tell-all book by David Axelrod, one of President Obama's former strategists, reveals that Obama chose Joe Biden as his VP because of his energy and enthusiasm. You know, the qualities you look for in someone whose main job is traveling to state funerals.

  Jimmy Fallon

  Jobs, Book, Funeral

  4 Copy quote

• Hillary Clinton used a private email account to conduct official state business. Experts say that if this violates any federal rules, then she . . . will still be president.

  Jimmy Fallon

  President, Email, Experts

  4 Copy quote

• During his weekly address to the nation, President Obama discussed higher education and said, 'The most important skill you can sell is your knowledge.' Or as English majors working at Starbucks put it, 'No it's not.'

  Jimmy Fallon

  Skills, Important, President

  4 Copy quote

• Mitt Romney announced he will fight former heavyweight champion Evander Holyfield in a charity boxing match. You can tell that Romney is serious about it. Today, his butler gave him a piggyback ride up the steps of the Philadelphia art museum.

  Jimmy Fallon

  Art, Fighting, Museums

  4 Copy quote

• Ted Cruz raised over a million dollars after announcing that he's running for president. Which is why today RadioShack announced that it is also running for president.

  Jimmy Fallon

  Running, President, Dollars

  4 Copy quote

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