Jimmy Fallon Quotes About Today

Quotes about: Today

• Today President Obama gave a major speech where he defended his handling of the economy. And there were tons of people in the audience, you know, since nobody had to be at work.

  Jimmy Fallon

  People, President, Speech

• Today Google celebrated its 13th anniversary.... That's right, Google turned 13 years old. Which explains why today when I searched for something, Google was just like, "I don't know. Stop asking me questions! I'm going upstairs.

  Jimmy Fallon

  Years, Google, Asking

• Today is the midterm elections. The Washington Post is predicting that there's a 98 percent chance of the Republicans taking the Senate and The New York Times says there's a 75 percent chance. And CNN said, 'Wait, that's today?'

  Jimmy Fallon

  New York, Cnn, Waiting

• Today Carly Fiorina announced that she is running for president. Someone else bought 'CarlyFiorina.org' and posted 30,000 sad emoticons to represent all the people she laid off at Hewlett-Packard. I haven't seen that many sad, blank faces in one place since the Mayweather-Pacquiao fight.

  Jimmy Fallon

  Running, Fighting, People

• Today New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie announced that he's endorsing Mitt Romney for president. It's good news for Romney. I mean, you always want Chris Christie on your side. Unless you're in a canoe.

  Jimmy Fallon

  Mean, Your Side, President

• During a recent press conference, former President Jimmy Carter said he could never run for president today because he doesn't have a lot of money. Well, that and the fact that he's the famously bad president Jimmy Carter.

  Jimmy Fallon

  Running, President, Today

• Today is 11/11/11, a date so simple even Rick Perry can remember it.

  Jimmy Fallon

  Simple, Today, Remember

• Today is Earth Day. Environmentalists spent the day drawing attention to the Earth, while the Earth just spent the day checking Facebook to see which planets wished it a happy Earth Day.

  Jimmy Fallon

  Drawing, Earth Day, Attention

• Today, President Obama finally met with BP's CEO, Tony Hayward, but the meeting was only scheduled 20 minutes. Call me crazy, but I think it should take more time to discuss an oil spill than it does to get your oil checked.

  Jimmy Fallon

  Crazy, Thinking, Oil

• I don't even read the papers. I read 'USA Today' because it has color photos.

  Jimmy Fallon

  Color, Usa, Paper

• A massive power outage in Washington, D.C., today affected a number of federal buildings, including the White House. When asked when they could restore power to the White House, officials said, '2016?'

  Jimmy Fallon

  White, Numbers, House

• It was announced today that Iran has reached a deal with the U.S. to limit its nuclear program and send most of its uranium to Russia. Then Americans said, 'That's great! Wait, WHAT?'

  Jimmy Fallon

  Russia, Iran, Waiting

• Arnold Schwarzenegger's publicist told USA Today that the actor has not ruled out running for governor of California, saying that he will make a decision soon. Reportedly Arnold needs that time to learn how to pronounce 'gubernatorial.'

  Jimmy Fallon

  Running, America, Usa

• Ted Cruz raised over a million dollars after announcing that he's running for president. Which is why today RadioShack announced that it is also running for president.

  Jimmy Fallon

  Running, President, Dollars

• Vladimir Putin celebrated his 63rd birthday today. He had a nice party, but it got awkward when two of his friends got him the same country.

  Jimmy Fallon

  Country, Nice, Party

• Mitt Romney announced he will fight former heavyweight champion Evander Holyfield in a charity boxing match. You can tell that Romney is serious about it. Today, his butler gave him a piggyback ride up the steps of the Philadelphia art museum.

  Jimmy Fallon

  Art, Fighting, Museums

• Today Russia announced that it will join America's fight with the terror group ISIS. Then Putin said, "But I did not say which side.

  Jimmy Fallon

  Fighting, Russia, Isis

• Today, Mitt Romney visited a firehouse here in New York City. Of course, he was disappointed when he learned that a firehouse isn't a house where you get to fire people.

  Jimmy Fallon

  New York, Fire, Cities

  "This Week" with Jake Tapper, abcnews.go.com. May 6, 2012.

• The Senate came one vote short of granting approval to build the Keystone pipeline. Democrats say the pipeline could accelerate global warming. Then people who've been outside today said, 'Sounds good to me. Let's accelerate that global warming.'

  Jimmy Fallon

  People, Sound, Keystone Pipeline

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