Emo Philips Quotes About Today

Quotes about: Today

• I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.

  Emo Philips

  Funny, Humor, Fifty

  "E=MO²". Comedy Album, 1985.

• I ran five miles today. Then, finally, I said, 'Here, lady...take your purse.'

  Emo Philips

  Funny, Humor, Today

• New York's such a wonderful city. Although I was at the library today. The guy was very rude. I said, "I'd like a card." He says, "You have to prove you're a citizen of New York." So I stabbed him.

  Emo Philips

  Funny, New York, Humor

  "E=MO²". Video, 1985.

• I started doing stand-up at the age of 20. This was back in 1976, around the time (coincidence?) that the first comedy clubs were starting. The young comedians of today gasp when I tell them how many shows I did that first year: 500. Five nights a week.

  Emo Philips

  Night, Years, Comedian

  "Emo Philips is still ... Emo". Interview with Steve Johnson, www.chicagotribune.com. September 20, 2012.

• I thought I was raptured up into the air today; turns out, it was just my gas oven exploding.

  Emo Philips

  Air, Today, Ovens

  Twitter post from May 22, 2011

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