Anthony Jeselnik Quotes - Page 6

Quotes about:

• I don't get back as much as I'd like to, so I don't have a lot of close ties [Pittsburgh], but I'll bleed black and gold until I die.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Ties, Black, Gold

  "Comedian Anthony Jeselnik: “He’s The Best!” -Everybody". Interview With David Dean, www.serialoptimist.com. November 29, 2010.

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• Charlie Sheen called his boss on 'Two and a Half Men' a 'Jew ki**' and expected to go back to work. That’s crazy. If you could do that and keep your job, then everybody would do it.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Jobs, Crazy, Men

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• I think some people just don't know that much about comedy. It would be like a person who didn't know anything about football thinking all offensive linemen are the same.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Football, Thinking, People

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• Hitler really wasn't so bad. In the black way.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Black, Way

  Twitter post from Sep 18, 2010

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• Of all the ways people save time, I think racism is the worst.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Thinking, Racism, People

  Twitter post from Nov 13, 2009

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• It seemed fun to play a villain on stage and I wanted my jokes to be so good that I could just calmly tell them on stage.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Fun, Play, Villain

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• Watching soccer just makes me wish I was watching Foosball.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Soccer, Wish

  Twitter post from Jun 11, 2010

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• I like the idea of being the funny guy in the dramatic thing, playing a hit man with a weird sense of humor.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Men, Ideas, Guy

  Interview with Al Norton, 411mania.com. April 23, 2013.

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• Tom Cruise's pre-nup lets him keep his money, the kids and Katie Holmes.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Kids, Cruise, Holmes

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• My favorite sport is football. I'm a die hard Steelers fan. Favorite players were Hines Ward and Greg Lloyd.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Sports, Football, Player

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• Sure, my uncle killed himself playing Russian Roulette. But I choose to remember him as a great Russian Roulette player.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Uncles, Player, Roulette

  Twitter post from Jul 03, 2010

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• Wayne Brady, I don’t understand why people keep joking that you’re not black. Wayne Brady, you are BLACK. After all, I only remember you for all the years you played an uppity slave on ‘Who’s Line is it Anyway?’.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Remember You, Remembers You, Years

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• It's impossible for me to hear the words quadruple murder suicide without thinking of my grandparents.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Suicide, Thinking, Grandparent

  Twitter post from Nov 05, 2010

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• I don't think people shouldn't try to be edgy, but you have to take what the audience says to you in consideration.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Thinking, People, Trying

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• The world is full of horrible things.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  World, Horrible, Horrible Things

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• About a year after I moved to Los Angeles, I decided I wanted to be a joke writer for a late night talk show. So I met with a late night joke writer and he told me that I should start by doing stand-up comedy, because that would really hone my sense of humor and joke writing ability. Eventually I took a stand-up class and a few months later I had a seven-minute act.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Writing, Night, Years

  "Comedian Anthony Jeselnik: “He’s The Best!” -Everybody". Interview With David Dean, www.serialoptimist.com. November 29, 2010.

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• I'm too cynical to be an optimist.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Cynical, Optimist

  "Comedian Anthony Jeselnik: “He’s The Best!” -Everybody". Interview With David Dean, www.serialoptimist.com. November 29, 2010.

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• I feel like every first episode of a TV show is bad, you know, and it always improves.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Tv Shows, Firsts, Tvs

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• With comics, you always talk about a big break, but there are a lot of big breaks in your life and not one of them makes a big difference.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Differences, Break, Bigs

  "Anthony Jeselnik on Sharon Stone, thankless open mics, and his evil plan". Interview with Marah Eakin, www.avclub.com. October 16, 2015.

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• I grew up in a poor family. I had to cut everyone's hair, because we didn't have money for entertainment.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Cutting, Hair, Entertainment

  Twitter post from Oct 16, 2010

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• An offended audience member repeating a comedian's act from memory is worse than, literally, anything.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Memories, Comedian, Members

  Twitter post from Jul 11, 2012

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• Larry King is so old, he's actually one of the Jews that killed Christ.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Kings, Christ, Jew

  "Comedy Central Roast of Donald Trump". www.imdb.com. 2011.

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• My favorite part of going to a wedding is ruining the wedding.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  My Favorite

  Twitter post from Nov 08, 2009

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• My perfect night would be going out to an awesome restaurant, then heading over to the Comedy Cellar to hang out with other comics, drinking beers and making fun of each other.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Fun, Drinking, Beer

  Source: www.serialoptimist.com

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• My neighbor complains every time my girlfriend and I have sex. We're not even that loud. But he used to date my girlfriend.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Girlfriend, Sex, Complaining

  Twitter post from Aug 20, 2010

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