Anthony Jeselnik Quotes About Babies

Quotes about: Babies

• I think my friends wife has been banging a black guy. Because they just had a baby. And the baby had a hole in it.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Baby, Thinking, Wife

  Twitter post from Jun 24, 2010

• You don't know anything about pain until you've seen your own baby drowned in a tub... and you definitely don't know anything about how to wash a baby.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Funny, Baby, Pain

• Every night, my girlfriend comes home from work, and she brings with her a houseplant. She's like, 'Anthony, I had to pick this up. We need a houseplant in our apartment.' And every night, I make her return it. I say, 'No way, baby. You can't take care of a houseplant. You couldn't even keep your baby alive.'

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Baby, Girlfriend, Home

• My sister just had a baby, a little newborn. The kid is adorable, so cute. She wouldn't let me hold him, she refuses. She says, 'No way, Anthony, I'm afraid you're gonna drop him.' I'm 32 years old. Like I'm some kind of idiot. Like I don't have a million other ways to hurt that baby.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Funny, Cute, Baby

• My girlfriend asked me if I only love her for her body. I said no, baby. Just parts of it.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Baby, Girlfriend, Body

  Twitter post from Aug 30, 2010

• I will never understand how a mother can kill her own baby and not get away with it.

  Anthony Jeselnik

  Mother, Baby, Get Away

  Twitter post from Jun 28, 2011

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